In The Blink Of An Eye
by sillygirl8406
Summary: Chapter 35 is up! Grissom returns to work. It's the last chapter! This story has fianlly reached it's end. Hope you all enjoyed it.
1. Waking Up

**Disclaimer:** Yeah right like I own anything.

**Spoilers:** This takes place during, umm, right now, so Season 5, and yeah, I'll make references to previous shows and seasons.

**Summary:** If he knew how it would all turn out he never would have gotten up in the morning. Three days of time off for Grissom was supposed to be relaxing, not deadly.

He couldn't breathe. The air was thick and the temperature was hot. _It's always_ _hot as hell in Vegas_. _And_ _why can't I breathe? There is nothing wrong with the air, nothing, so how come I can't breathe?_

He kept telling himself that it'd pass. He would come out of this nightmare and be okay, but deep down as he finally realized where he was and why, he knew it wouldn't. He looked up and realized he was moving, in a truck, _his_ truck, but he wasn't driving.

Now, while he was looking out the window at the world passing by him, the events of the last three days flooded his mind and he remember how he ended up in his truck gasping for air.

oooooooooooo

Day One: Waking Up

He woke up to the sound of, raindrops. Not his beeper, cells phone, or alarm clock, but the sound of rain outside his window. He told everyone he was finally going to take sometime off, three days to be exact, so no one should call him. But he knew as everyone else did that he'll be called sooner or later to come in and assist on a case. So, just waking up to rain and not beeping and ringing should have been a sign that today was going to be…different.

He slept through half the day already. Normal people were just now getting home from work and getting ready for an evening home with family or out on the town with friends, but as for the night shift supervisor, he was just getting ready for the day. Any other day it would have been work, but now for three days he didn't have to go in. At first, he thought he'd go visit his mother. But he reconsidered; he didn't want to visit her while he was troubled. He didn't want to concern her. He looked around his living room and thought about maybe doing some work on his townhouse, like fixing the hole in his bedroom wall, or maybe he would clean up the glass that was shattered all over his bathroom floor. Then he thought about working on some cases or doing some paper work that he brought home, normally he would have, if he didn't get a strange feeling that it didn't matter anyway. If he felt that before he got out of bed, he wouldn't have got up today.

He never would have gotten out of bed, he definitely would have made a stranger pot of coffee, and he certainly wouldn't have answered his door when he heard that knock. The door is always used in metaphors as being the entryway to opportunity and you always hoped that it'd lead to something good. Something better then you had before. No one ever considered it would lead to the worst days of his or her lives.

_I've been feeling that a lot lately, that it doesn't matter, nothing did. I knew I'm probably getting close to burning out. It feels like someone is stabbing me in my heart with a hundred knives. I can't get over it. I can't get it under control. I tried to hide it away in the depths of my soul, but it's always right here in front of me every second of everyday. That's why I broke my bathroom mirror yesterday. I looked at my reflection and I saw the fear and pain in my eyes. I knew I'd leave soon. I already told Warrick a while ago that when I left, I would just be gone. No card, no "see you later guys", no cake left, I'd just be gone. Catherine knows it too. I've hinted around to her that I'd be gone soon, one day. So when I do, she won't be too surprised. Neither would Jim, but Nick and Sara, they have no idea and I hope they'll forgive me for not saying something to them._

He was interrupted from his thoughts when a knock came yelling at him from his door. And that feeling was came back again by the sound of his door. It didn't matter, none of it did. He got up off the couch and walked to the door. His opportunity awaited him. He looked out his peephole to see who it was. It was…a woman, his neighbor. _What's her name? I can't believe I don't remember it._

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I left my keys in my house can I use your phone?"

"Uh, yeah, come on in."

"Thanks so much. I won't be long."

"Your welcome. The phone's on the end table by the couch."

He watched as the woman walked over to the phone. He had the sudden urge to stop her, to grab her and run away. _Why, why am I having these strange feelings? _He turned and walked down his hall to his bedroom when everything disappeared.

No more thoughts, feelings, sensations, it all was gone in the blink of an eye.

TBC? Please submit reviews! I need the inspiration.


	2. Cath and Gil

Catherine walked into Gil's office. _What a mess. He really needs to clean up in here._ Gil had given her his key so she could get in his office while he was gone. Because for one, his bugs and spider needed to be fed and secondly, he had the case files. She searched for the case file she needed. She went through his desk when a knock came on the door. She looked up to see Jim standing there, paled face and he looked like he was crying.

"What's the matter Jim? Something wrong?"

"Yeah, horribly. I just got a call…um…"

"What is it!"

"There was a explosion…at Gil's house."

"What! Was he there?"

"I'm afraid so. A neighbor report that his truck was still parked outside and he never saw him leave. We have to go…I have to, shit I don't know Catherine."

He looked at Catherine, it seemed for the first time, she was crying. She didn't realize when it started but she could feel the hot watery tears stream down her face. Jim walked over to her and held onto her. He tried to sooth her emotions but he knew that no matter what he did she wouldn't be okay, not now, not ever.

"It's going to be okay Catherine. Maybe he got out. He might not have even been inside when it happened."

Catherine pulled away from Jim and wiped her eyes on her sleeves. "You could be right. He might have gone for a walk or left with someone else before it happened. We have to get out there. Who's working it, Eckley?"

"Yeah, It'd be personal for the nightshift."

"Okay, but we are his friends Jim, practically family. We have to be there."

"I know. I'll round up the others. We'll meet outside in the front parking lot in ten minutes."

"That should be enough time. I need to sit for a minute."

Jim nodded his understanding and left Catherine in Gil's office.

She slumped down into his chair and stared out the door, at nothing. She was too busy thinking. _What if he is gone? He'll never know how much I really loved him, not just as a friend but as a companion._

She sat there in his office and remembered the first time she knew that her love for him was more then just for a friend.

ooooooooooo

December 24, 1998

"Eddie just leave!"

"Cath, baby, you have to understand that I love you and she was a mistake."

"I do understand Ed. I understand that you're nothing but a cheater and we are through and have been."

"But it's Christmas Eve, can't you let me stay here, for Lindsey. Let me stay maybe we can talk…"

"Don't touch me Eddie. And don't use our daughter as an excuse for me to forgive you. Now leave."

"Fine, you bitch have it your way." And with that Eddie slammed the front door and left.

Catherine started to cry. She went over to the couch and wrapped the blanket around her but that wasn't enough. She needed someone to talk to, a friend, her best friend. She picked up the phone and dialed the only number she could remember right then, Gil's cell phone.

"Grissom."

"Hey, you really need to change your greeting."

"Hey Cath. Are you alright?"

"No, me and Eddie just got into a fight. I just…I don't want to be, all alone right now."

"You want me to come over. I can be there in twenty minutes."

"I don't want to drag you from home. It is Christmas Eve after all."

"It is?"

Catherine couldn't help but laugh. "How can you forget that? We all have the day off tomorrow."

"We do? Okay, in that case, I'll be right there. I wouldn't want you to be alone and crying on Christmas Eve."

"So, I'll see you in twenty."

"Make that ten. I'm already on the road. I hope I don't get a ticket…or accidentally hit Eddie."

"Just don't get caught."

"Eckley's the one who'll work it, so I doubt I'll get caught."

"Where are you now?"

"Oh, just give me five more minutes and I'll be there."

"Wow, you are speeding."

"Told you. How's Lindsey? Was she awake?"

"No, thank God. She's asleep upstairs."

"Did you get her anything good?"

"Well, I tried, but I was short on cash. I got her some dolls and clothes."

"My mother always got me clothes, but I was a weird kid because I was actually excited."

"I can only imagine. I bet you were crazy about school supplies too."

"Are you kidding, I had a tantrum when she said I _couldn't_ have school supplies. I had notebooks and pencils all over the house. Everyone of them were filled with estimates and information about everything from bugs to the velocity of Speed Racer's car."

"You calculated the velocity of Speed Racer's car"

"Yep, I had to watch the cartoon about 100 times but I did it. I don't think I've watched it since then."

"I would imagine. You remember what it was?"

"Umm…no. I'm here. Just pulling up now. See you in a second."

"See ya."

They both hung up their phones. Catherine got up and went to the door. As soon as she opened it there he was on her porch with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Why are you so happy?"

"You're not crying anymore."

And just like that she felt it. In the blink of an eye, she felt the love she had for him. She tried to hold back the tears but she wasn't strong enough, she'll never be strong enough for him.

"Cath?" He walked over a pulled her into his arms.

"I, love you Gil. I think more than any man I've ever known."

Gil just stood there holding her. He felt that too and it hurt him because he knew that their relationship would never go beyond this and he accepted that and he also just loved it.

"Let's go inside."

They fell asleep in each other's arms. They had been talking and laughing while watching old episodes of Speed Racer when they finally drifted off to sleep.

Catherine, stirring in his arms, brought Gil out of his dream. He figured she was uncomfortable so he picked her up and carried her to her bedroom and gently placed her in her bed. He had a thought last night about what to do today but didn't tell Catherine because he wanted it to be a surprise. He went into the living room and found Catherine's keys and took the one for the front door and he left, locking the door behind him.

Catherine woke up from her sleep and felt alone. She got up and noticed she was in her bed and Gil wasn't there. She was just getting out of the bed when she heard Lindsey scream from downstairs. A fear rushed through Catherine. She jumped up and ran to the living room only to find Lindsey sitting on a brand new bike and Gil sitting on the couch laughing at the sight in front of him.

"Mommy, look what Uncle Gil got me. A new bike and look, no training wheels!"

"That's great baby." She looked over at Gil in disbelief.

"I was just about to come and wake you up when Lindsey came running down the stairs. I couldn't help but stay and see her reaction."

"Gil, there's a bike in my living room."

"Yeah, I got it this morning. Oh, and I got you something too."

He got up and motioned for her to come into the kitchen with him. She followed and when they were in there he turned around and gave her a box.

"What's this?"

"Just open it, please."

She opened the box. The most beautiful diamond necklace was shining back at her.

"Oh, Gil. I can't accept this."

"Sure you can. Cath, I have no one to spend Christmas day with or to buy expensive jewelry for. And besides, you deserve it. Please take it, for me."

"Okay, thank you. I...wow, this is amazing."

He stepped forward and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. "Merry Christmas Cath."

ooooooooooo

Catherine walked out of the CSI lab only to come face-to-face with five grieving friends, all of which were surrounding her Tahoe. She walked over to them and before she could say anything Warrick wrapped his arms around her.

"It'll be okay Cath. We have to have hope that he wasn't there."

"I know. Thanks War."

She pulled away from him and looked at the others. "What are we waiting for, let's go."

TBC…?

Submit me a message…please. :)


	3. Darkness

**A/N:** Thank you to the people who've reviewed so far. Hope you all continue to keep reading and submitting reviews!

He had been staring up into darkness for what seemed like years. In all actuality it was only a couple of hours. He thought at first he was blind. There was no light of any kind he could see and his hearing was muffled as well. But just a few minutes ago some lights passed through what he believes are window blinds. So, he knows now that he can see, even if it is darkness. He blamed his lack of hearing on the earthquake pounding migraine he has. He would reach up and try to rub away the pain but he earlier he found out that his arms and legs are tied to something, probably a bed from the feel of it. He then tried to scream, but that was a complete failure since his mouth was also restricted with duct tape.

He wanted to scream out but he couldn't. That thought kept going through his mind over and over again. He couldn't. It meant more than just screaming, it was everything. Everything he was faced with throughout his life always end in "I couldn't." or "I don't know what to do." He could just snap right now because of it. It wasn't the constant need for control, but instead the knowing that "he never could so why try" that dictated his life, and he hated it. He couldn't scream out physically, so he did mentally. So, for the last couple of hours he had been doing nothing but staring up into darkness and yelling at himself. He tried to figure out how he ended up here or what happened but he couldn't remember nothing but opening his front door and rain.

_Was it raining earlier? It could have been, hell, I don't know anymore. It's so dark. Come on! Turning on the lights! Damn it, why can't I remember? Am I drugged, is that why? Come on think. What's the last thing I remember? Rain, it was raining, I needed to use the phone…wait, I didn't need to use the phone. Oh shit, who was it? I don't remember her name…it was…oh hell. I don't remember! I'm the best CSI in Vegas and I can't remember who I let into my house. It's too dark in here. I need to get out of here._

He tried pulling on the ropes again but it was no use. They were too tightly wrapped around his wrist; all he did was tearing open his skin. He could feel the bones in his wrist scream with pain and the blood streaming down his arm. He finally stopped pulling when he felt something in his hand pop.

_AAHHHHHHH! Shit! _

He struggled in the bed trying to erase the pain that was flowing rapidly throughout his body. He finally decided to give up and give into the increasing pain. He stopped struggling and laid there. He tried to calm himself, it get a hold on his anger before he lost it again. He closed his eyes and started to relax himself.

_Okay, relax. Just breathe in and out. Don't rush it, gentle, easy, breaths. I'm going to die in here. Well, there went my relaxation technique. Calm down, no one is going to die. I'm not going to die._

He was brought out of his thoughts when he noticed light pouring through his eye lids. He opened his eyes and was staring into the brown eyes of a man. It was his neighbor, Bryan Miller.

_What the hell? Bryan. His wife was in my house, that's who it was! Oh shit._

His attention was drawn from Bryan's eyes to the object in his hand, a needle. Bryan bent down and jabbed it into Gil's arm. Gil at first felt the pain of the quick, forceful puncher in his arm, then within seconds it was all gone. His migraine, his broken wrist, and the pain that took home throughout his body were erased, temporarily mended back together by the drug. Gil could only look at Bryan through foggy eyes as he lost all coherent thoughts again.

"Well, Gil. It looks like you already managed to break your wrist. I bet that hurt. Not as bad, I hope, as the things I'm going to do to you."

_Why? Why! Bryan, why are you doing this?_

Bryan walked over and opened the blinds for Gil to look outside. The lights Gil had seen earlier were the headlights and police lights of cars going down the street to his townhouse.

_It's, destroyed?_ _Why does my house look like that? Bryan, what did you do?_

Gil could do nothing to tell them he wasn't in there. He was alive across the street. All he could do was watch, but he couldn't even do that as he saw another car pull up. It was a Tahoe, Catherine's Tahoe. He looked away at the opposite wall. He couldn't watch as his team, his friends, grieved in the street and hoped that his body doesn't get carried out of there, wrapped in a black body bag. He, again, couldn't do it.

TBC…


	4. The Arrival

**Author's Note: **Thanks to eveyone who has reviewed, it means a lot to me. Also, I reread over the chapters and notied some errors, I just want to say "I'm sorry." I can get ahead of myself sometimes when I write and then I read it over and my eyes want to betray me and tell me nothing was wrong, so if I do it again you all can mentally slap me. It's okay I wont get mad. Oh, and sorry for this short chapter but I have class in like two minutes so I have to run. College is great just all these classes get in the way.

The Tahoe turned onto Grissom's street. The sight before them was devastating. The townhouse that Grissom lived in, that the members of his team rarely visited was destroyed; it was nothing but a pile of rubble. Catherine, Jim, Nick, Warrick, Sara, and Greg, got out of the truck and stood silently staring at the un-Godly scene before them. On the way over, none of them really wanted to believe what they were told. "It was a mistake", or "I was a different house on the street", it wasn't until they were standing right in front of it did they realize that it wasn't.

The search and rescue teams were already going through the rubble with the help of some search dogs to try to find any sign of life, or death. Eckley stood off to the side of the yellow tape, waiting for his turn, like a school child, to go into the disaster area and find out what happened and who did this. He looked over and saw the nightshift team all standing in front of the Tahoe, unmoved. He ducked under the tape and walked over to them. Jim was the first person he came to.

"Jim," he looked around at the team, "everyone. First off, I'm sorry. Grissom was a good guy, stubborn, but good."

Nick was the first to speak, "Have they," He cleared his throat and continued, "found…anyone yet?"

"No, which I think is a good sign, but you never know." He looked around at everyone again, this time all eyes were on him. "We think that it was in fact a bomb, it couldn't have been a gas explosion because this whole housing district is on run by electricity. Plus, the only house damaged was Grissom's. Who ever did this sure knew what they were doing."

Everyone looked at each other and nodded their agreements. Eckley gave a nod and went back under the yellow tape to stand with the rest of his team and wait to go in.


	5. The Bar and The Butterfly

**Author's Note**: Okay, one again, sorry before about the short chapter. I hope I made it up to you all with this one. And thanks again for the reviews. I should have Chapter 6 up sometime within the next couple of days...I hope.

Warrick and Nick sat down next to each other on the back of one of the fire trucks still parked in front of Grissom's house. Each had a cup of coffee in their hands. It had been more than ten minutes since they arrived and they still don't know anything yet. No body has been found yet, but the rescue workers still have a lot of damage to go through.

"Hey Nick, did I ever tell you about the time me and Griss went to a bar together?"

"You two hung out together?"

"Yeah, it was after that one evaluation day, several years ago. He first made me ride a roller coaster with him."

"He shared that with you. Man, you are his favorite."

"Yeah, right. I think that title belongs to someone else. Anyway, after that I thought he was taking me back to the lab so I can get my truck and go home. Instead he took me to this bar. It was crazy man, we were only there for an hour, but Griss kept ordering drink after drink, by the time that hour was up he was wasted."

"I don't think I can imagine Grissom being drunk. Was he one of those loveable drunks?"

"No, nothing like that he was…Grissom, just with alcohol. But that's not what was important, it was what happened between the time we got there to the time we left that was important. I mean what happened just showed me how much he cared for me and trusted me."

"What happened?"

"Well, we were there for I think twenty minutes before we actually said anything to each other. It was mostly small talk about work or if I like the roller coaster, stuff like that. Then after he finished off another drink, I only had two beers that whole night by the way. Griss looked up at me from across the table and said, "Do you trust yourself Warrick?" I mean, I was in shock. Here was Grissom, looking at me with half closed eyes, and asking me if I trusted myself.

"Did you answer him?"

"At first I had no way of answering him. Then I finally said, "Yeah, I trust myself." He bolted straight up in his seat when I said that. His eyes were wide open then, it was like he went from being drunk to sober in a second, it was weird. He stared at me for I think five minutes before he said anything and when he did it wasn't at all what I expected him to say, he said, "I can't completely trust you Warrick, unless you completely trust yourself."

"Wait, Grissom said that to you? What did you do?"

"Nothing, he was right. At that point in my life I didn't trust myself. It was after Holly was killed and my gambling was being a big problem, I didn't have a lot of trust and faith in myself. Anyway, after he said that, the next thing I knew he slammed a hundred dollar bill on the table and got up and walked, walked, it was more like he stumbled, over to the pool table."

"What was the hundred for?"

"A bet. He wanted to play me in a game of pool. So, I put a hundred on the table and joined him. We played the game, I won, obviously. Griss was so drunk I don't think he hit one ball in and if he did, it was purely by accident. Then he just left me standing there while he went off to the restroom."

"So, you won the money."

"No, I didn't. It was an unfair game; I had the advantage since I wasn't wasted. I left the money on the table. After Griss came out of the restroom, we took off. What surprised me was that he didn't ask about the money and he didn't even go over to the table to see if I took it. I thought for sure that he thought that I did take it. Out in the parking lot he throw his keys at me and told me to drive either to his place or mine because either way he wasn't driving anywhere tonight. So I took off for home. We got there and he literally crashed on my couch. I thought he was immediately out, so I started to walk to my bedroom when I heard him laughing to himself. I said, "What's so funny?", and then he said, "I can just imagine the look on our waitresses face when she sees the two hundred dollars on our table." I went to say something to him but he had already fallen asleep by the time I actually thought of what to say. Since then I knew that I could completely trust myself and had faith that I could do the right thing, no matter what. And I wouldn't have known what he thought if I hadn't turned back around and ask him what was so funny. It was like if I continued to walk to my room with hearing him laugh, I wouldn't have known what he really thought and that he really trusted me. I think that's my favorite moment I ever had with him."

"Yeah, those moments with him are weird because they don't come around too often, but when they do it like, changes you, you know? Like if you just looked away then back again you would have missed it and you would have never known it was there."

"Exactly, because you know that he'll never bring it up again."

"I actually had one of those moments too. It was after the whole Nigel Crane case. I had to move out of my house for a lot of reasons. I didn't tell everyone that I had moved just yet, especially Grissom because I figured he wouldn't care anyway that I moved."

"I told him."

"You did. Good, I was trying to figure out how in the hell he knew I moved and were I lived, because he showed up one day. He didn't call first or anything. I was trying to paint this one room. I have like four rooms in this house and I had no idea what to do with the fourth room. And I tried every color of the rainbow in this room and none seemed right. About that time was when someone knocked on my door, it was Grissom, with a gift under his arm."

"He brought you a gift."

"Yeah, a house warming gift. Well, it turned out to be a picture frame with a butterfly in it, like the one's on his wall. It was beautiful man, it was a yellow, orange, and blue butterfly. So, he's carrying it around my house trying to figure out the best place to put it. He walks right into that fourth room and looks around it. I was expecting him to walk out of it and go somewhere else, but instead, he puts it down, picks up a hammer and nail, and nails it right in the middle of the wall. I was speechless. I mean, a butterfly picture was hanging in the middle of this room and Grissom was just as happy about it as a kid in a candy store. Then he pulls me over and stood me next to him in the middle of the room and asked me, "What do you see?" I looked at him and said, "A butterfly." Then he gave me one of those looks, the raised eyebrow look, like I was crazy or something. Then he looked back at the wall and said, "What I see is you, Nicky." Then he turned and started to leave the room, but he turned back to me and said, "Take care of yourself Nick. You'll get through it, you always manage to do that." Then he was gone, went home. I think I stood in that room for an hour after words, trying to figure it out. He was right, that was me. I was trapped like that butterfly, I couldn't move or breathe, I was afraid to live after the Nigel Crane case. But I got through it. Do you want to know what color I painted that wall?"

"What is it?"

"It's yellow, orange, and blue. Just like the butterfly. You know that saying that a butterfly can flap his wings and it can cause a tidal wave on the other side of the world?"

"Yeah, I heard that."

"Well, that's Grissom. Just one simple gesture or saying from him can make you change who you are and how you think."


	6. Greg's Friend

**Author's Note:** Okay, so I updated soon then I thought. My next update wont be until tomorrow or the day after. Just to much work and class work to do this week. Exams, exams, exams, aahhhh!!! But then I'll have a fall break, so expect me to write a lot over the break.

Greg was watching Nick and Warrick talk among themselves as he paced back and forth watching the rescue team search Grissom's house.

_The others probably think that me and Grissom aren't that close. From the way we've been in the lab some might think that he doesn't like me. I'm too goofy or too weird and change my hair too often, but actually Grissom's my friend. After all he did help me become a good CSI. He gave me a second shot just like he did Warrick many years ago. Grissom is a great guy to have on your side and I'm so glad he was on my side a couple of weeks ago._

ooooooooooo

Greg was standing in the parking lot, looking down at his car like it was an foreign object. He didn't hear Grissom walk up beside him.

"Greg?"

"Hey boss. I was just leaving."

"Yeah, it sure looks like it. You've been staring at your car for five minutes. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking about work."

"You've been kind of quit since you got back from the field. How was it?"

"It went good. We're pretty confident about the case. All we need now is a suspect to compare the DNA to."

"Do you know who that is?"

"Sara and I are sure it's the brother. He just has to be found."

"Sounds like your case is going to be solved soon. Are you sure you're fine."

"Yeah, I think I just need some sleep. See you Grissom."

"Bye Greg."

They both get into their vehicles and head to their separate homes. One their they are feel to do whatever they want to do, to let go of everything that was keep inside of them that day. For Greg, he turned on his stereo full blast and jumped around his living room until he couldn't take it no more. He turned it off and made himself some food, and then he tried to watch some show on the television about a guy living in a house with two girls. It wasn't funny he thought to himself, nothing is anymore.

He always wanted to be a CSI and now he was for a little over two months now. And he knew he should get a diversion, but what, he didn't know. It was easier when he worked in the lab processing the DNA. He could get easily distracted by the outside world and slip into what ever was going on at the time, but now it was getting harder.

He was about to get up and leave; take off in his car and drive as fast as he could to anywhere, when his phone ringed. He looked on his caller ID, it said, 'Grissom, Gil'. He debated about picking it up but he finally did. Grissom didn't ever call him, but today he did.

"Hey Grissom, what's going on, you need something?"

"No, just seeing if your okay."

"I said I was."

"You know Greg, sometimes it helps to talk about things."

"You think I need to talk about something?"

"You do know that at one time in my life I was a rookie CSI too. You need to talk."

Greg was hesitant at first. He didn't know whether to talk or not. They sat their on the phone for minutes wait for the other to say something. Finally Greg broke the silence.

"I can't get a diversion. I tried to do things I normally would do after work, but it didn't help. I tried to find new hobbies but that didn't help either. I take it all home with me and it stays with me until I go in the next day. Then more gets piled on and I come home, it's here, then I go to work again. It's a never ending cycle I can't break."

"Yes you can Greg. Nicks done it, Warrick, Catherine, Sara, even me, Greg, hell I find an outlet. You can too."

"What, what if I can't? What if…"

"Greg, stop with the "what ifs" and just do it. No more of this "I can't." You understand. You are great at what you do Greg. Find a way to keep doing it without killing yourself in the process. Look, get some sleep and I'll see you tonight. If you still can't sleep or if you still don't have a way to handle this, then we can talk then. I have to go. Sleep well and take care of yourself. You'll get over this. Bye."

Grissom hung up his phone and stared at it for a while before he decided to get up. He thought he should take his own advice and talk to someone about his feelings and thoughts he'd been having for sometime now. He gets up and makes himself another up of coffee. He walked around his townhouse, knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep today either. It was getting to hard. Everything was just getting too damn hard for him, the work, the hours, the no sleep, everything. He sat down on his bed and looked around his room. There were no pictures at all. None of his mom, of friends, of anything, not even bugs. This was his life, and this was how he wanted it to be, or so he told himself. He needed the control, but that was just an illusion, the control, there was none. All he ever had was fear and pain, no control. That's what led him to punch is wall. It was the same thought that led him, just two weeks later, to shatter his bathroom mirror.


	7. His Dream

**Author's Note: **Aren't you all getting sick of these. Anyways, thanks again to all who are reading, continue to read, and submitting me little bits of inspiration to go on. To the person, barb, I think it is, I hope you get Chapter 6 to come up, and the rest of the story for that matter. Here's another Chapter for you all. Most of it is a dream Gil has, as you will soon find out. If it's a little weird, good, it's suppose to be that way. And again, I'm sorry for any and all errors. I know that last chapter everyone was mental slapping me. Don't deny it, I felt you. ;)

While the CSI team was waiting impatiently for any sign of life or death inside Grissom's house, he was just 100 yards away. He had fallen asleep just minutes after he saw his team arrive.

The drug Bryan had given him put him right out, but that wasn't suppose to happen. Bryan had accidentally given Gil too much, which made him furious.

He tried to wake Gil up, by many means, mostly violent, but nothing worked. He wanted Gil to continue suffering, to know that his team was out there and he was in here and there was no way to tell them. He wanted Gil to hate himself for it. Little did he know that Gil has hated himself for quite sometime now.

So, with no avail in trying to wake him up, Bryan left the room, and left Gil to fight his demons in his sleep.

He had been struggling in his sleep, every move he made cause intense pain to shoot through him. The temporary mending of his pain and bones was fading. He was feeling it all over again. With each struggling movement from him cause a wave of sharp knives through his whole body and even his head. But to him, that wasn't nothing compared to the pain in his heart and mind.

Even when he was asleep he was having a battle with himself. With every passing moment, it caused him to lose more and more hope.

As soon as he fell asleep he could see them all. Cath, Nick, Sara, Warrick, Jim, even Greg, they were all staring at him. They were just staring. Some with intense gazes, some with a magnitude of fear he'd never seen before, and all of them were slowly dying in front of him. He couldn't actually see them slowly decaying, but he could feel it, sense it, and even hear it. He heard deaths call to them and he just listened. He didn't try to move or run, he was waiting for it.

When he felt Death go up behind his friends he yelled at it.

"No don't. Not them. It's me you want. It's me. Leave them alone."

He felt it retreat and he calmed back down. Then, a white flash flashed before him and he was standing…at his doorstep. His door in front of him, staring at him like it knew the outcome of everything. He opened it up and walked into his house.

It was perfect. Everything was right were it has always been. He noticed it was raining outside. _It rains in Vegas?_ Such a strange thought he had. Of course it rained in Vegas. He looked around and noticed the emptiness to his house. Just simple furnishings, possessions, clothes, even a simple picture frame. There was nothing there worth remembering later or keeping now. Then there is was, the knock on his door and the overwhelming urge that it didn't matter, nothing did. He walk slowly to his door opened it up.

He was back, looking at his friends again. Only this time they were crying. They looked like grief stricken humans who cried every time someone dies. He knew that wasn't the truth. They've seen hundreds of dead people before, so why would they cry now. They wouldn't not over him, not over themselves.

He felt death again, this time, he was next to him. Death was looking at his friends with him, like it was his funeral they were at. He then felt the icy hand come down on his shoulder. Death turned him around and they started walking away from them.

It wasn't until they were almost completely out of view from then when Gil suddenly turned around and started running back to them. He didn't want to go, not now, not like this. He had to stay for them. They had to know, they all had to know why. Why now.

He woke up to the sound of sirens. They were so close to him then they drifted further and further away from him. He wanted to know why. Why was he still here? Why was he in so much excruciating pain, and why did he just hear sirens leave from across the street.

Maybe if he'd been more awake he would have recognized what emergency vehicle just left. He tried to see out the window but it was darker now, and his eyes were still seeing fog. He went to wipe his eyes but the sharp pain reminded him that he couldn't do that. He couldn't even do that.

TBC...


	8. The Body

**Author's Note:** Me again. Thanks again so very much for the reviews. Hope everyone likes this chapter. I didn't mean for it to be so sad, but it might be. We're finally going to be starting the investigation after this chapter, so yeah!

"We have a body!"

It was four little words that caused a tidal wave of complete silence and severe anguish to surround the vicinity in front of Grissom's house.

The rescue team picked up a burnt body that was under fallen wreckage. They carefully placed it onto the stretcher and it was immediately engulfed in the black bag that will take the dehumanized body to the morgue.

The CSI's just stood there. Mouths ajar, staring vacantly at the unbelievable, unwanted belief, that was taking place before them. A body had been recovered, and more than likely, it was Grissom's.

Catherine, when the words first hit her ears, was in a conversation with Jim, that now was nonexistent. She at first thought she didn't here it right. That short little phrase, "We found a body." After the words hit her mind and when it finally registered what it meant, her heart hit her stomach. She leaned over behind her Tahoe and let her stomach do the rest. She came up wiped as best she could the weakness from her mouth and turned back around. _I can't believe this is happening._ She at first didn't notice the salty water that slid down her cheek, that started in her eye, and land at her feet. She couldn't move, think, breathe, react, scream, but she could cry, and she did.

Nick and Warrick had just finished talking to each other and was about to get some more coffee when the words were echoed from one ear to the other. They both stopped midway from standing up and froze, like a moment caught in a picture. One of them dropped their cup, but it wasn't heard or noticed. It hit the ground without sound and rolled under the fire truck, where it will stay until the wind blows it down the street somewhere. They looked at one another to confirm what they had heard, to see if they weren't dreaming a nightmare, they weren't.

Nick looked back at the door leading into Grissom's house just as the rescue team was coming out. He felt his knees buckle and scream at him to sit back down. To give in to his grief, but he didn't. He struggled at first but he finally stood straight up and waited for the right time to breathe again.

Warrick already was in an upright position. He was after he looked at Nick. He didn't let the pain and distress take hold of him, but instead, he let the anger do it. He was furious, at everyone and thing. Whether it was God, life, the person who did it, the dog down the street, the house, the coffee cup, it didn't matter, if it existed right now, he hated it, and he swore to himself that he'll find out who did this.

Sara was sitting in the Tahoe at the time. She had to sit down because of the stress and sleeplessness that was surrounding her. She was just about to nod off when those words shattered the window glass and invaded her ears. She suddenly felt wide awake and overwhelmed with heartache . She wanted to jump out of the truck, run up into the house and tell them they were wrong, but she couldn't move. She thought she seen Catherine go by the window in a hurry but she wasn't sure, it was just a blur. She saw the rescue team come out of the house and she started to lose control. She couldn't catch her breath. She slumped over in the seat and tried to breathe easier. When she felt herself starting to breathe easy again she looked back up. Catherine was now standing back in front of the truck, but she couldn't see her, she couldn't see anything, the tears were too thick.

Jim, who was talking to Catherine at the time he heard the phrase, was now in front of the yellow tape. He was waiting to help the rescue team take the stretcher, that he believed held his best friend, to the coroner's van. He was just as furious as Warrick was. All the color vanished from his face, just like the colors that he was once able to see, except for blood red. He could fell the anger rise up through him as he walked away from Catherine to his final spot in front of the yellow tape. He could cry later, but right now, he had a job to do, he had to find the answers.

Greg was the first one that knew something was wrong. He was standing right behind the yellow tape and was watching through the door at the rescue team. He noticed the reaction from the men after they lifted up some fallen wreckage. They both looked at each other and where...still, very still. That's when he knew. He didn't have to wait to hear those unbreatheable words to know what was found. He felt Jim walk by him, but he didn't turn to greet him. He was too captivated by the unfolding actions taking place in front of him. He tried to blink it away. That didn't work, each time his eyes lids come back open he could still see it.

When the stretcher was carefully loaded into the back of the coroner's van, Greg was the first to be able to speak.

"I'm going with him. I need to get a DNA sample to confirm if this is actually him."

Jim looked over at Greg, "Can't the new lab tech do that?"

"No, I'm the best at what I do. Grissom told me so. I'm going to find out who this is." And with that he jumped in back.


	9. The Intentions Of Bryan Miller

**A/N: **Thank you again for the reviews. My roommate wrote me one, she's so funny. Anyways, sorry for the little delay in updating, just some stuff going on. Anyways, I hope you all like this chapter. Hopefully it'll explain somethings, but not everything, yet. And for all mistakes, 'cause I know there will be, I'm sorry, it's 1:30am and I'm running on cold tea...yeah, that's right, it is now cold.

Day 2: The Intentions of Bryan Miller

He walked into the crime lab with a black bag in his hands. No one at the check in asked for further inspection of his bag. He did have everything he was suppose to have, and a little more. No one asked him questions about why he was here. He had the right ID to get in without any questions. He was to set up the new surveillance system throughout the lab.

He walked by all their faces. Catherine, Nick, Warrick, Jim, he even spotted Greg in the DNA lab. He was practically running to place. Everyone was waiting on him and him alone. The body they dragged out of Gil's house was in the morgue having an autopsy done on it. Soon they'll all discover that the body isn't his and the search will began. And he, Bryan Miller, will be gone and so will everyone else in this building, they'll all be gone.

He set up the camera's as he suppose to, but no one saw him also place tiny bombs throughout to ceiling's as well. No one saw him enter Gil's office and lock it behind him. He placed the bomb behind the small cabinet in the corner, then he left.

He walked calmly out of the lab and got into his car. He had one more stop to make. He had to find out where Gil's truck was at. He saw that it was moved from the front of his house, but Bryan had to have it, he had to have and destroy everything Gil ever had.

He found out that it wasn't at in the lab's garage, like he first thought, but instead Catherine had it brought to her house after it was processed for evidence. He went home, dropped off his car, and took a cab to Catherine's house.

oooooooooo

Gil was awake when he heard Bryan come back for the second time. He tried to break lose again while he was gone, but that was an hopeless attempt too. He ended up twisting his ankle, and now that was another source of pain that infected his body.

He realized sometime earlier that he hasn't had anything to eat in a day by the pain of his stomach acid trying to burn a hole through him. He was, either today or last night, given some water to drink through a straw, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't know how many days he'd been in here, but he knew that it didn't matter. He wasn't going to last long like this.

He heard Bryan trying to come through the door, but he was having trouble. Gil looked over and seen why. Bryan was rolling in a T.V. on a stand with a VCR attached to it.

What the hell? What does he expect me to watch.

"Hey there Gil. Good morning."

Yeah, right. What's so good about it, I'm still alive and in severe pain and I having a feeling that what ever it is you're going to show me will just add to it...you son-of-a-bitch.

He was looking at the T.V screen. It was a camera feed from inside the crime lab.

How in the hell did he get that? Cath! I see Catherine, Nick just went by. That's the break room. Bryan, what is this all about!?

"You know what this is? I know you do. What if...Gil look at me. Gil! Look at me!"

What do you want Bryan!?

"Good. What if this was all gone? What would that do to you?"

What? Are you serious, how can that just be all...the bomb. No. No!

Gil started to struggled again. There was nothing he could do. Not a thing to stop Bryan from blowing up the lab.

Bryan could see the realization and then the fear rise in Gil's eyes. Now he was panicking and that made Bryan laugh to himself. It also made him feel one more step closer to his ultimate goal.

"Calm down Gil. It wont be that bad. All you have to do is watch as I kill everyone you've ever cared about, or loved. Then, we'll be almost done and I'll let you go."

The pain got too much to bare and Gil stopped struggling. He stopped just in time to hear what Bryan just said.

What do you mean let me go? What's your plan Bryan? Why are you doing this!? Wait. You want me to suffer don't you? You want me to watch you kill everyone, to make me feel guilty for it. Well, I do. You've succeeded! Are you happy you crazy bastard! Let me out of here now!!

He fought against the bed again but he was too exhausted and weak. He calmed down and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't going to give Bryan the satisfaction of torturing him like this. He reached up with his left hand and wrapped his hand around the rope and he pulled himself closer to the head board. He kept doing that until he could feel the board behind his head. He looked over at Bryan who was watching him and he smiled at him through the tape.

You see me Bryan. You think you're going to make me watch this, then you're wrong.

He lifted his head up as far as he could get it then with everything he had he slammed it down against the hard wood behind him and he kept doing it over and over again.

"Gil? Gil! Stop that. No don't, stop it!" He got up and tried to stop Gil from banging his head, but he wasn't quick enough.

No! I'm...not...going...to...let...you...do...this.

He hit his head one last time against the wood and he was suddenly still, at the head of the bed, unconscious.

"Damn it Gil! Wake up! You...you're suppose to watch this!"

Bryan was on top of him. He was shaking him, hitting him, yelling at him to wake up. He finally got off and grabbed the water that he was going to give Gil to drink and he tossed it on him, still nothing. He paced around the floor yelling at Gil and mostly at himself for letting him do that. He didn't have the time for this.

Soon, the nightshift team will find out that Gil wasn't in that house. That in fact it was a woman, Bryan's wife, and the search to find Gil will start. But Bryan couldn't let that happen.

Bryan sat back down and looked at the T.V. screen. He wanted so bad to blow that place up. To make Gil go through the rest of his life in misery, knowing he was the cause of it, the death of his friends. Then, Bryan had a better idea. He'll make his friends do the wondering. He'll just destroy Gil's office, he has his truck so he can blow that up too. Then he'll kill Gil. He'll be missing forever, no one will know what happened to him, and his friends will always have that to think about, to go through their lives without ever knowing what happened to their friend Gil.

Bryan stood up and smiled at the T.V. screen. He pressed a button on the remote and it went to the camera he had set up right in front of Gil's office. The perfect view to watch the only reminder's of Gil's existence being blown up. He looked down at his controller and pressed a button.

TBC...


	10. The Missing Person

**A/N:** Thanks once again for the reviews! This, I think, is the longest chapter. I hope everyone likes it.

The team was all gathered in the break room waiting on Greg's DNA report. Catherine was laying on the couch, half asleep, half awake. Nick and Warrick were talking about football, but they really weren't paying much attention to what was being said. Sara was looking over the case file she got from Ecklie after hounding him constantly for it.

There was nothing in it that they didn't already know. Everyone has already read it, twice. This was Sara's third time looking it over. The explosion was caused by a bomb. The dayshift was already trying piecing together the bomb fragments that was scattered all over Gil's townhouse. The bomb had been wired to the phone and tucked away behind the couch in the living room. The only fingerprints that were found in the house were Gil's.

The silence in the break room was broken by Greg who was running and yelling down the hall.

Catherine sprung up off the couch at the sound, it had suddenly woken her from her in again out again sleep.

Nick and Warrick turned and looked down the hall.

"What in the hell was that?"

Nick looked over at Warrick.

"Sounded like Greg."

Just then Greg came to a sliding stop in front of the door. He was out of breath and holding a sheet of paper in his hand. But that wasn't what everyone was looking at, it was the huge smile on his face.

"It's not him! The DNA came back, it's a female."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I ran the test twice just to make sure. It's not him."

The happy joyful moment was interrupted by a deafening sound. An explosion shattered down through the hallways and into all the rooms.

Everyone in the break room hit the floor. It had only been seconds but it seemed like they'd been on the tile floor for hours. Warrick was the first to stand up. He helped Catherine up and Nick got up along with Sara. Greg was already standing and looking down the hall while the smoke cleared from the hallway.

"Grissom's office!"

He started running down the hallway towards the room. The others quickly followed after him. They all came to a sudden stop behind Greg as he stopped just several feet away from the office that once had been the second home to their beloved friend.

"What? What the hell is going on? First Gil's home, now his office."

Warrick was already raging again, but his outburst and confusion was silenced as he seen Jim running towards them from the opposite direction.

"What are you guys still doing in here? Come on the place is being evacuated."

For the first time they all heard the alarm going off to evacuate.

"Come on, let's go! There could be another bomb in here!" Jim yelled at them again.

They all turned and headed for the exit.

When they got outside they could see every emergency vehicle known to man out in the parking lot. Then they caught sight of Ecklie heading towards them.

"What happened? You guys blow up the lab again?"

Jim was the first to stop him in his tracks. "Gil's office was blown up?"

"What? By who?"

"My guess, whoever killed him."

Then Greg let the whole parking lot hear him as he spoke to Jim and Ecklie.

"That wasn't him!"

Jim and Ecklie turned to face Greg. They both had the same look of disbelief written across their faces.

"The person they found wasn't him. It was a female, DNA confirmed it. XX, can't be Gil."

Everyone in the parking lot was silenced now as they looked over at the young lab tech as he told the whole lab that Gil Grissom, their friend and colleague wasn't dead.

Jim could barely resist the urge to jump for joy in front of his fellow officers, instead he let his smile spread across his face and into his heart. He looked over at Ecklie and can even tell that he was happy too. Ecklie just nodded at them and turned a walked back over to were the members of dayshift were standing. All of them too were surprised and happy to hear the news.

Catherine, Nick, Warrick, Sara, and Greg finally let themselves feel the happiness that wanted to feel earlier but was cut off by the explosion. They hugged each other, Sara and Catherine had tears of joy streaming down their faces as Nick, Warrick, and Greg just hugged them and let their smiles play out all over their faces. Jim even got in on the happy hug feast and hugged Catherine and Sara.

Catherine was the first to talk after she finally regained some control over her emotions.

"So, who was that in his house and where the hell is Grissom?"

Jim interrupted their questioning eyes.

"I was on my way to tell you guys, before Gil's office went up in smoke, that we got a call. Missing person. A man, Bryan Miller, his wife has been missing since yesterday. The man lives across the street from Grissom. I was going to send Ecklie's team, but they're busy with Grissom's house, I thought one of you guys want to take it."

"Got that right. I can take it."

"Are you sure Warrick?"

"Hell yeah. Me and Nick and take it. Catherine has her daughter and Sara needs sleep."

"Hey! I don't need sleep."

"Yeah, you do."

"Okay listen!"

Catherine's voice made everyone silent.

"Warrick, you and me will take the missing person. Lindsey's at my sister's house for the week anyways. Nick, Sara, you two can go over the case file again, and also, old case files and see who might have a grudge against Grissom. Greg, you stay here and find out everything about what happened here and who could have put a bomb in Gil's office without anyone knowing about it. We'll all meet at my house in three hours. Got it!"

They all nod their heads at the same time.

"Good, lets go Warrick."

Her and Warrick climb into the Tahoe and Jim goes to his car. Nick and Sara head start over to the bomb squad who just arrived, to see when they can get back in the building. Greg heads straight to the security guard that checks people in and out of the building. The guard is already talking to other officers about everyone that came into the lab today.

oooooooooooo

The Tahoe and Jim's car pulled up to the curb of Grissom's neighbor house. They look across the street at the townhouse and it hits them all over again. How their friend could have died in an instant.

Catherine and Warrick climb out of the Tahoe and force their eyes and their minds on the task at hand. Jim is already out of his car and walking too fast towards the front door to the townhouse across the street from his friends. He reaches the door and knocks on it very rapidly.

The door swings open and a tall man, about 6 foot 3, average built, brown hair and eyes, greet Jim's and the two CSI's standing in his doorway.

"Are you here about my wife?"

"Yes, we are. I'm Jim Brass." He holds out his badge. "This is Catherine Willows and Warrick Brown from the crime lab. May we come in?"

"Yeah, sure."

He steps out of the way and lets them enter his house. At first, it looks normal, like any other house in America. Living room is clean, with all the usually furnishings, couch, coffee table, T.V., pictures, the usual. The dining room is the same as any dining room as well as the kitchen and upstairs bedroom. All to be found out later when Warrick and Catherine search the house.

"Mr. Miller..."

"Bryan."

"Bryan, when did your wife go missing?"

"Umm, I didn't even think she was missing until this morning. I got home and I saw Jane's note on the refrigerator. It said she went to her mother's for the week. So, I didn't think nothing of it. Then this morning I went out to the garage and I seen her car still here. At first I thought that her mom came and got her, but then I remembered that her mom didn't have a car, it was totaled in an accident and she hasn't gotten a new one yet. So I called her mom up to make sure she got there okay and see said she never showed up. She thought she had changed her mind and didn't come."

"Jane, that's her name?"

"Yeah, Jane Miller."

"How come the mom didn't call you?"

"They haven't talked to one another in awhile, they're not very close. So, I guess she didn't worry much about it. I really don't know."

"Does she have a cell phone? Did you try to call her?"

"Yeah, I did, but she left her cell phone here. I found it, along with her keys on the end table in the living room."

Catherine and Warrick had finished their exploration of Mr. Miller's home and walked into the kitchen just in time to here the last bit of information. Catherine interrupted Jim's questioning.

"Mr. Miller..."

"Call my Bryan."

"Bryan, when did you get home from work yesterday?"

"It a little before the explosion across the street happened, so maybe, around ten, eleven. I'm not sure. I just finished reading the note my wife left me when I heard the explosion. It scared the shit out of me. I tried calling the police but I couldn't get through. I seen other neighbors come out and all of them had their phones out already, so I hung up. I knew if not one, but all of them were calling too."

Something click in Warrick's head and suddenly it all made sense to him.

"Cath?"

"Yeah."

"The body found in Grissom's house was a female right?"

"Right."

"And her keys and cell phone were in the house, car in the garage, door was locked."

"Bryan, does your door automatically lock when you close it."

"Yeah."

Catherine finally picked up where Warrick was headed with this.

"If she was going to leave and left the house without having her keys and the door locked behind her. She would have gone somewhere to use a...phone."

"Exactly."

Catherine turned back to look at Bryan Miller, who looked very confused to what they were hinting at.

"Bryan, do you and your wife know your neighbor, Gil Grissom."

"Yeah, we've talked on occasions. She was usually the one who would talk to him. Ask him how is day was, just stuff like that. Why?"

"Sir,"

Now it was Jim's turn to speak again.

"The body that recovered from Gil's house wasn't his. It was a woman. We might think it was..."

"My wife's."

They could do nothing but watch Bryan sink into a chair that was at his kitchen table. He almost looked like he was going to cry, almost. If these CSI's knew the truth about the person before them, they would have given him the award for best acting. He actually looked like he was a grieving husband, who just found out his wife could be dead.

Catherine spoke again, once he looked like he was back in reality again.

"We need to get a DNA sample to compare. We need to find out if that was in fact your wife in that house."

Bryan looked up at her and shook his head, "Sure, take what ever you want. I don't need it anymore."

Warrick took off to gather some hair or DNA of any kind that was Jane's.

Catherine left the kitchen along with Jim and Bryan. As they walked towards the living room, CAtherine noticed a two doors she didn't see earlier in her quick search of the house.

"What's in these rooms?"

"The first one is my office. Want to see it?"

"Please."

He opened the door and Catherine got a look at a room that housed a lot more than a computer. The walls had dead animals throughout it. Killed and stuffed by Bryan, as he lightly put it. He also didn't hide his love of guns, and he had a lot showcased throughout the room, on the walls, in cabinets, even hanging from the ceiling.

"Wow. Like guns?"

"Love them. How about you?"

"Only if they work."

"Wants in the other room?"

"My wife's...office. It's locked. I've never been in there. It's her place to go, you know? To get away, do what ever. I don't know where the key is."

Warrick comes out from the other room.

"Got some hairs from her brush, but I would like to get her toothbrush too, just to make sure."

"It's in the bathroom, the purple one in the top drawer."

"Thanks."

Jim asks several more questions as Warrick finishes his collection. Catherine continues to wonder around. She keeps passing the locked door and looks at it. She feels like she should be smashing it down, see what's inside it.

Jim called her name again and she turned towards him.

"Catherine, come on. Warrick's done and we have to leave. There's nothing more here."

ooooooooooo

"Nick! Nick!"

Nick didn't here the man's voice at first but by the second yell he turned around and faced Doctor Robbins.

"What's going on Doc?"

"It's about time I found you guys. I've been searching everywhere. What are you guys going in the police department always?"

"Going over case files. We can't get back into the lab, so we decided to get the department records."

"Oh, anyway. I tried calling your cell phones, nothing. You guess need to start charging them. I can't go chasing you guys all over the place when I get a break in the case."

"What break?"

"Well, for one, the bodies a female."

"We knew that already. DNA came back XX, don't tell me that's what you came here for?"

"Well, that and that the victim died before the explosion, gun shot. From what I know about bullets, it's from a shot gun."

"We need to get to Catherine's."

TBC...


	11. Inside The Locked Room

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. First off, my computer ate my disk, so it is now useless. Second, I had to retype the enter chapter, and third, I had to watch the baseball game at the same time. And sorry, I couldn't get the spacing right in the song I have in here, so it's all one long...thing, but hopefully it won't lose the meaning...or flow.

**Disclaimer:** Okay, I have to do this because I have a song in here that isn't mine. I don't own anything, at all. The song is one that I'm sure no one here has heard ever before, it's "I'm Not Suppose to Care" by a Canadian (No, I'm not from Canada) singer named Gordon Lightfoot...don't ask how I like this guy.

He was awake on the bed the whole time. He heard the vehicles pull up outside the window and saw three shadows pass by. When he heard Jim's wonderful rough voice he almost cried tears of joy. He thought for sure that they'd found out where he was.

It wasn't until he heard Jim tell Catherine that they had to leave, that he realized that they had no idea he was in the house.

_No! Catherine, Cath, I'm in here. Please open the door! It's locked remember, she can't. She…she can break the damn thing down! Cath, I know you know I'm in here! Get a hammer and break it down!_

He wished he had a way to get their attention. But after he knocked himself unconscious, Bryan tightened the ropes and when the vehicles pull up outside, he also drugged Gil again so he couldn't move.

He looked over at the window again and seen them leaving. He couldn't hold the tears back this time.

_Don't! Don't go! Cath! Jim! I'm in here! Please don't leave me here!_

He turned and looked at the ceiling. The tears rolled out of his eyes, into his hair, and then dripped onto the pillow.

_They're gone. They're gone and I'm going to die in here. I can't, this can't be happening, but it is. It's happening and this sick man is going to kill me and get away with it and there's nothing I can do to stop him._

His screams were muffled by the tape that still restricted his mouth from moving, his cries from being heard, and his life from being saved. He felt his heart rate increase drastically and he felt his head start to spin. His chest started to heave violently up and down and he couldn't catch his breath. He was having a panic attack.

_Oh shit, I can't breathe. I need to calm down. Come on, calm down. Breathe, that's all you need to do is breathe. I need to distract myself. I need a distraction…think, think of something good._

All the thoughts that came to him were anything but happy. He couldn't remember the last time he felt good or happy about anything. Then he remembered something that happened a few months ago at the lab. It was one of the most unusual things that have ever happened there.

oooooooooo

"Okay everyone, I got assignments to hand out."

"You mean we have to work in this weather?"

Warrick's comment about the storm outside made everyone laugh and nod their heads in agreement, except for Grissom of course.

"Well, you either go out in the field, or, stay here with me and do paper work."

Everyone looked around at each other and at the same time said, "Field."

"Alright then, Nick and Sara…"

He didn't get to finish what he was going to say. Just at that moment a lightening bolt struck the lab and sent a wave of destruction through the power lines. All the power in the building was knocked out, even the back up generators.

Screams and heart beats were heard throughout the lab and in the break room.

"What the hell was that!?"

"Uh, Nick, I think that was Mother Nature telling us to stay inside."

With that off hand remark from Catherine, the whole room erupted with giggles.

"It sounds like everyone is okay. Grissom, are still here?"

There wasn't an answer.

"Gil?"

"Where is he?"

"I don't know Greg. Gil!?"

Just then they saw someone walking down the hall with a flashlight in their hand.

"I can't believe it. How did he walk all the way down to his office and find a flashlight, in pitch dark?"

"Come on Sara, he is Grissom."

"Okay, now that I can see everyone. Let's go find out what the hell happened."

He and the rest of the team walked to the front entrance. Before they reached the main lobby, they could already make out one of the voices. It was Jim trying to calm everyone down at the front doors.

"Listen! The storm knocked out all the power in the lab and also in the surrounding area. I got a radio call from an officer several miles away who said that the power ways out there too. So, we can't leave. Even if we could, we can't. These doors are power locked and we can't open them anyways. So, we are stuck here until someone can come out here and get the power turned back on."

The lobby was suddenly filled with constant moaning and talking by the enter employees of the night shift lab.

"I can't believe this." Catherine spoke for the whole team in that one comment. They all turned to Grissom and asked what to do now.

"I guess…we wait. There is nothing we can do. Catherine, call your sister and see if their power's out too. If it's not, we might get some information as to what's being done to get the power turned back on."

"I'm on it." She grabs out her cell and tries to call her sister's house. "Sorry, but it's temporary out of service."

"Does anyone here know anyone who might still have their power on?"

They all look around at each other for help.

"Well," Warrick speaks up, "if we had any kind of a social life, then maybe we might know people, but since we don't, nope."

"Man, this is ridicules. Not one of us here has any friends except for the people we work with. That's just sad."

Everyone, this time including Grissom had to laugh at Nick's disappointed remark.

They all walked back into the break room and collapsed in the chairs or on the couch.

"So…anyone here have any suggestions on what to do until we can get out of here?"

They all looked at Greg then at each other shrugging.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry. I'm thinking we should clear the fridge from all and any food that'll get ruined from lack of cooling."

"Hey Greg, that's not a bad idea. I'll help you."

Nick and Greg both started to go through the fridge like they were on a scavenger hunt, pulling out boxes, bags, and plastic bottles left and right trying to figure out what can be saved and what had to be eaten now.

"Uh, I don't think that's food Greggo. That has to be one of Grissom's experiments."

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to use the community fridge for your experiments anymore?"

Greg looked over at Grissom who was sitting on the couch with Catherine.

"I ran out of room in mine."

"See, this is why I stopped bringing my lunch to work."

"I don't blame you Sara, not at all."

"Thanks Greg."

After more than half of the food that was in the fridge now consumed, Nick got an idea of something to do.

"Hey, let's go exploring."

Warrick, Sara, and Greg all look over at him.

"Like what, the lab?"

"Yeah, Greg, the lab. It could be fun. We can see what everyone else is doing. Maybe find something else to do or see if anyone knows what's going on the outside. I don't know."

"We can finally do something here besides work."

"I always wanted to run through the halls."

Everyone, even Grissom turns and stares at Warrick.

"What? You know, run around the halls. I use to do that in high school. After practice, everyone was gone except for us on the team, so we ran around the halls chasing each other screaming and yelling. It was fun."

"Leave it to Warrick to fulfill everyone's fantasy of running around their high school and getting away with it."

"I never had that fantasy."

"And leave it to Sara to not be normal."

"Hey Greg."

"Sorry."

"Well, guess what? Today's everyone day to live out that fantasy of running around these halls and getting away with it. Come on. I think we need to explore. Who's up for it, Nick is already on board. Greg? Sara?"

They all get up and grab a flashlight they each found and headed out of the break room.

"I can't believe those four."

"I know. Want to go with them?"

Grissom looked over at Catherine.

"No."

"You sure? You have that mischievous look in your eyes."

"I do?"

"Yep, so, what do you want to do?"

"Umm, I want to go back to my office. I think I need a drink."

"You want to get something to drink. That's not mischievous at all."

"Well, my drink is bourbon, so yes it is."

"I'm coming too then."

They both get up and walk to his office.

"When did you start keeping bourbon in your office?"

"Jim and I have a drink sometimes after cases. We would sit in his office all the time, but then I decided to keep a bottle in mine just in case."

"And you never invited me?"

"No, it's like a guy thing."

"Oh, I see. Kind of like a guy's night out."

"Kind of, I guess."

Twenty minutes had passed and Grissom and Catherine were sitting on his couch in his office downing shots of bourbon and laughing over, well, nothing at all really. They were startled out of their giggle feast when Warrick and Greg came flying through the door.

"Can we hide in here?"

"What, Warrick?"

"Can we hide in here? We're playing a game."

"What game?"

"Um…hide and seek. Half the lab is playing. Nick and Sara are on a team, me and Greg, uh, Hodges and David, Mia and Archie…who else?"

"I can't remember. Jim and Doc. Robbins are playing chess. Hey, do you guys want to play too?"

"What chesss or hide and sseek?

"Hide and seek."

"Uh, ssure we'll play. Me and Cath, we'll hide in here, and you and Warrick can go hide sssomeplace else."

Both Catherine and Grissom start to laugh again.

"You're slurring your 's' Griss. Are you guys drunk?"

"No, not yet, but we're getting there. Hey, you guyss want a drink?"

Both Warrick and Greg down a shot then take off out of the office and down the hall.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever sseen them run that fast before."

"I think I see Nick and Sara coming down the hall. That's why."

"Oh."

Nick and Sara appear at the door.

"Have you seen Warrick or Greg?"

Grissom and Catherine both look at the two blurry figures at the door.

"Nope." They say in unison.

"Okay, thanks."

They both start laughing again after Nick and Sara take off down the hall.

"You think they realize we're playing too."

"Not a clue. So, Gil, where were we?"

"I don't remember."

"Oh, yes. We were talking about finding your radio. It has batteries in it right?"

"Right, it sshould be around here ssomewhere."

They found the radio in one of the file cabinets. Grissom starts flipping through the stations.

"Oh, I love thiss ssong they're about ready to play."

"What is it?"

"It'ss by a Canadian ssinger. I believe the ssong is called 'I'm Not SSupposed to Care.'"

"Fitting for you. And your musical diversity just keeps getting bigger, first it's Pink Floyd, then Opera, now Canadian country."

"You know, the first time I heard thiss ssong I thought of us."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was when you and Ed were together and you'd come over after a fight and hand out. You have to listen to the wordss."

So, Catherine and Grissom sat together, Grissom lying back against the seat and Catherine laying down with her legs on his lap, and listened to the song.

**I think you have somebody outside in the rain**

**To take you away**

**You got places to go**

**You got people to see**

**Still I'm going to miss you**

**But anyway**

****

****

****

**I wish you good spaces in far away places you go**

**If it rains or snows may you be safe and warm**

**And never grow old**

**And if you need someone who loves you**

**You know I'll always be there**

**I'll do it although I'm not supposed to care**

****

****

****

**I'll give you the keys to my fine machine if you'd like**

**I will show you the light and when you call**

**I'm going to come to you**

**And when you find someone who loves you**

**I'll know you'll treat me the same**

**Just lie there**

**You're not supposed to care**

****

****

****

**I think you have someone outside in the rain**

**To take you away**

**That's some kind of a game**

**Still I'm glad it came down to the final round**

**But anyway**

****

****

**If you think you need someone who needs you**

**You know I will always be there**

**I'll do it although I'm not supposed to care**

**I'll do it although I'm not supposed to care**

"Well, what do you think?"

"I think I might just become a fan. I loved it."

"Me too."

oooooooooo

Gil fell asleep in the locked room while thinking of that night, just as he and Catherine did after listening to that song.

TBC…


	12. The Crime Scene

**A/N**: I can't believe I forgot to do this the last time, but I wont forget now, Thanks everyone for the reviews!! I greatly appreciate it! I hope the last chapter kind of was a breather in between all the painful and serious moments, I try to make it so it's not just sad the whole way through.

"What's taking them so long to get here?"

"Maybe they got stuck in traffic."

"Sara, when Warrick's driving, there is no getting stuck in traffic."

"They could have gone back to the lab."

"Catherine said to meet here right? In three hours. She would have been the first person here."

"Wait. I think I see her Tahoe."

"About time."

Catherine's Tahoe pulled up to the curb in front of her house. Nick and Sara had been waiting on her front steps. They both stand up and walk to the driver's side door where Warrick is sitting. Jim's car comes to a stop behind the truck.

"About time you guys got here. We have some important news."

"We do too. First off, we stopped by the lab to see what's going on. They found more explosives throughout the whole building. Apparently the person that put up the new security system is also the same guy who put the bombs there. Greg got some fingerprints; we're waiting for him to call us back. We also compared the DNA we got from the missing neighbor, Jane Miller, it's a positive match to the person found in Griss's house."

"Well, I found out from Doc. Robbins that Jane Miller was dead before the bomb went off. From the looks of it, it was from a shot gun."

"Whoa, a shot gun?"

They all looked at Catherine.

"Bryan Miller was a gun freak; he had all kinds of them, including a shot gun."

"Hey."

Jim walked up to the passenger side door where Catherine was.

"I just got a call from Greg. He sent the prints through AFIS and got a hit back, they belong to Bryan Miller. He was arrested several years ago for assault and battery, assault with a deadly weapon, and several domestic violence complaints."

"We need to get back to Bryan's house now."

Jim ran back to his car. Nick and Sara jumped in their truck and pulled out of Catherine's driveway.

Catherine looked at Nick's truck pulling out of the driveway.

"Wait. Where's Grissom's truck?"

"What?"

"I had Grissom's truck brought here after it was processed. It was left in my driveway. Where is it?"

"I don't know. Maybe…"

"First Gil's house, then office, and now his truck is missing. I think someone's trying to get rid of any and all evidence that he ever existed."

"If that's the case, the next thing to do is to get rid of Grissom."

ooooooooooo

"Wake up Gil. It's time to go." Bryan said in an almost sympathetic voice.

When he didn't move Bryan went into his routine of trying to wake the unconscious man that lay in the bed. His first method was to use water, when that failed he went to being violent. After the second blow he noticed Gil winced at the pain that broke his right cheek bone.

"Well, it's about time you woke up. Come one, we have to get out of here before they come back."

_They? They who? Catherine and Jim? They're coming back! _

Bryan untied the ropes from the bed for the first time. He then started to roll Gil over when he got an unexpectedly strong resistance from Gil.

_No! I'm not going Bryan._

For the first time since Bryan had him here, Gil was fighting back. He tried desperately to swing his arms fast and hard enough to cause damage to the man that had been torturing him for two days now. Bryan caught a few of Gil's blows before he finally got sick of trying to hold him down and fight him at the same time. He left the room and locked the door.

Gil tore off the tape, which had been covering his mouth, with such a force that he screamed out the pain that was burned into the corners of his mouth and jaw line. He then reached down and untied his legs. He tried to stand up but remembered quickly as he put his feet down on the floor that he had twisted his ankle earlier. He gradually limped his way to the door and tried to open it.

"Stupid, I knew it'd be locked."

He then turned and limped his way to the window. He unlocked the hatch and barely budged the window open.

"Open, damn it!"

He was too weak to get it to open any further. So he did what he could, he yelled for help.

"Help! Help anyone, please! Help, this is Gil Grissom. I'm being held here against…"

Just then he heard the door open back up and Bryan was coming towards him with a needle in his hand.

"No!" He turned back to the window. "He's trying to kill me!"

He felt Bryan hit him in the back but he kept on yelling and screaming out the window.

"Shut up! No one's going to help you Gil. No one!"

Gil turned around and rammed into Bryan causing him to fall backwards onto the floor, but with the intensity of the hit and his lack of balance, Gil fell forward too. He landed on top of Bryan and he let his raged out, he lost control. He felt his fist collide with Bryan's face five times before he finally got up and headed for the door. In the blinding moment of his raged he never felt the needle going into his back. He only made it to the living room when the drug kicked in its powerful effects. He felt himself start to fall but that was it, he never felt the impact as he hit the floor.

Bryan stumbled into the living room just in time to see the drug start to work its magic on Gil. He walked over to his body after it had landed on the floor and he tied his hands behind his back and his feet together. He picked Gil's body up by his legs and pulled him across the living room, through the dining room and out the kitchen door into the garage. Gil's Tahoe was there with its back door open, ready for its formers owner body to be placed in it and driven off to his final resting place.

ooooooooooo

Catherine's and Nick's trucks came to a skidding stop in front of Bryan Miller's house. Jim's and several other police cars closely followed and surrounded the streets with their flashing lights. Jim was already out of his car with his gun drawn before the CSI's were even close to being out of theirs.

Jim slowly made his way to the front door of the Miller's house. He was accompanied by three other officers and behind them were all four of the CSI team. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. When there wasn't one, he knocked again.

"Bryan! Bryan Miller, we have a warrant to search your house. Let us in.!"

There was still no answer. He tried turning the door knob but it wouldn't move.

"Alright. Go get the ram, let's bust this thing down."

The one of the officers went and got the ram out of his car. When he returned not only were the officers and Jim holding it, but the team too.

"Okay, on three. One, two, three!"

With one solid hit the door flew open in front of them. The ram was immediately disregarded at the side of the house as Jim and the other cops stormed the house with their guns out checking for any one left in there.

After several minutes Jim come back out of the house to get the CSI's.

"It's all clear. You need to start in the room off the living room."

"You mean the one that was locked."

"Yeah, Cath, the one that was locked."

They made their way through the living room and looked in the room.

"Oh my God." Sara was the first to let the pained remark escape her lips.

The first sight they saw was the bed. It had ropes still tied to it at the bottom and it was apparent that someone was beaten badly while they were laying on it. They scanned the floor and found the removed duct tape lying beside the bed.

Warrick was the first to notice the window. "The windows open. Maybe someone heard something."

Catherine after turning from the room and gathered her emotions in the living room, turned back to the group.

"Okay, listen up. Nick, you work the perimeter. Warrick you get the upstairs, while Sara and I take the downstairs. Brass?"

"Yeah, Cath."

"Call Greg and tell him to start finding anything he can on Bryan Miller, if he hasn't started to already."

"Got it."

"Oh, and the window in the room was opening. See if there is anyone who heard anything."

"Okay."

He turned and left the CSI's to do their jobs while he went and did his.

TBC…


	13. The Cabin

**A/N**: Thanks again for the reviews! My roommate wrote me again, "Everyone's home but the light's are off", lol, I just about died laughing. Here's another chapter, hope you all like it!!

When they finally returned back to the lab, nightshift had already started. The bomb squad had given it the ok to go back in a couple of hours earlier. The only destruction was that of Grissom's office.

The team gathered around Greg who'd been in the lab searching the computer for any information on Bryan Miller.

"Well, so far I only got what we already know about him. Address, job, and police records."

Nick was studying the screen. "Is there indication why he would do this?"

"Not that I can see. All that connects Grissom to Bryan is that they're neighbors."

"Are there any other addresses, homes that he might have?"

"Nope just the one you guys already searched."

Catherine finally let out her concern. "He had to have taken him somewhere. Is there nothing?"

"Hey, Greg," Nick spoke up again, "let's look at his credit card records, maybe we can find something in there. Purchases of some kind, maybe property"

"Good idea. I'll start the search, it'll take awhile but we might get something."

oooooooooo

Day 3: The Cabin

1:00am

Gil was on the floor, facing the wall. He could hear Bryan behind him. Walking around the tiny cabin, going in and out the door, gathering wood and bringing it back in. He felt the heat from the fire warp itself around his cold body. For once he was thankful that Bryan was here to start a fire to warm him. He started to drift off to sleep when he heard Bryan come up behind him. Bryan reached down and rolled Gil over so he could face the interior of the room. Gil tried to speak but realized his mouth was taped shut again. The frustration of not being able to talk set in again and he could feel his insides increase in heat and intensity that was just as warming as the actual fire.

"So, Gil, how do you like my little cabin? I usually come out here to get away from my life. I just sometimes just sit in here and think, or I go out and hunt. Killing things really eases my mind, you know?"

_No, I don't know Bryan._

"Ha-ha, I bet you wish you could talk huh. You want to try to talk your way out of this, maybe convince me to let you go. Or, maybe you just want to tell me off, right?"

_Damn right Bryan._

"How about an explanation? You want to know why I'm doing this, don't you?"

_Not really, because it doesn't matter Bryan. You're going to kill me anyway so why explain to a dead man why._

Bryan walked over to the wall across from Gil and sat down next to the burning fireplace.

"My wife, she had it coming. Maybe you don't think anyone deserved what she got, but she did."

_I've heard all before Bryan, no need to enlighten me now to why you're a sick bastard._

"She'd cheated on me before, so I had to put her in place. She tried calling the cops on me before but I got off, she never brought charges. This all happened many years ago before we moved to Vegas. Remembered when we moved across the street Gil. My wife went over to your place to ask you questions, you know, a kind of "get to know your neighbor" thing. But I seen her when she came back home. She had that look in her eye; I know she wanted more than to be just your neighbor."

_Oh Bryan, you actually killed her and abducted me because you thought we were...together._

"I don't think you two had done anything yet, but she was sure as hell was going to try to get her chance. That night she went over to your house to use the phone, she didn't leave her keys in the house on accident, it was on purpose. You two didn't even hear me come through the door. I surprised her with the shot gun, told her not the move or I'd shoot her. Then I just gradually walked up behind you and hit you over the head with it. Went back to her, she was still standing by the table with the phone in her hand. I never gave her time to explain. The bomb was just a thought I had afterwards. I thought that I'll let your friends think you were dead too. If I left the house intact they would have went out searching for you right then. I wanted time to actually come up with a way to torture you. But now, that plan is gone so I'm just going to have to kill you."

_Wait, you don't think you've tortured me? I think that's the funniest thing I've ever heard._

Gil couldn't hide his laughter anymore. He laughed so hard he felt like crying. He knew the laugh wasn't like any other. What he was laughing at wasn't funny, it was fearful. They say that when people are extremely stressed out they release the stress in many different ways, sometimes, in fits of hysterical laughter. He just kind of wished Bryan would have realized this; he didn't seem to get the joke.

Bryan, when first he seen Gil laugh, didn't know what was going on, what had made him start laughing. Then he had the thought that he was laughing at him, that his captive, was laughing at him. He felt his hands get hot and his face red with rage. He bolted up from the wall and towered over the man lying on the floor. Gil was laughing so hard his side hurt and tears were streaming down his face.

"Are you laughing at me, Gil? Huh, are you!?"

Gil couldn't stop laughing, it was the most painful laugh he ever experienced, but at the same time, it was the most happiest and good he felt in a long time. He didn't feel the shoe hit him in the stomach, it caused him to gasp for air, but he went right on laughing. He didn't stop until he heard his left ear suddenly go silent. He opened his eyes that seemed glued shut from the laughter and he stared at Bryan who was on him. Gil looked at Bryan's hands and noticed that they were bruised and bloody. He tried to remember when he felt Bryan get on him and start hitting him, but he couldn't remember, all he could remember was the shattering of his left ear and how it was gone, the vibrations in his left ear drum, were gone.

Bryan's anger finally slowed when Gil finally stopped laughing. His right fist collided with Gil's left ear and he stopped, just like that Gil had snapped out of his hysteria and back into the real world. Bryan climbed up off him and retreated to a room that was off of the main one. He had had enough of this for the day, so he fell down on the only bed in the cabin and went to sleep.

Gil however was still awake on the hard wood floor, staring at the fire, while he concentrated on the streams of blood inching its way down his face and making contact with the floor. His mind went blank after the realization that he couldn't hear in his left ear. He probably never could again, even if he did make it out of this alive.

He silently watched the puddle below his body grow as more and more drips of blood found its way to the floor. He knew by now that, if found, he would need some surgery and lots of healing time for his face and his body. He'd counted the number of times he'd been Bryan's human punching bag, four times that he could remember, how many more times that he couldn't was probably the same. His stomach gargled and it felt like it finally decided to cave in on itself. He didn't remember the last time he ate or what it was.

The moon at that moment decided to shine its light across the cabin floor at that time. Gil noticed that it was coming from behind him. He turned onto his back and looked out the window. _At least_, he thought, _I get to see the full moon one last time._

ooooooooooo

Day 3: The Lab

5:30am

Warrick was asleep in front of the computer. Greg had gone off to the break room to eat and he had dozed off as well. Catherine and Jim were in his office going over all the records of Bryan and Nick and Sara had gone home to rest.

The fax machine next to the computer started beeping out papers. Warrick woke up and grabbed the sheet that sat in the fax tray. He stared at it wide eyed then jumped up and ran to the break room.

"Hey Greg!?"

Greg about leaped off the couch at the sounded of Warrick's voice.

"What?"

"I just got a fax from Lake Mead, a Park official spotted Grissom's Tahoe. Where's Cath and Brass?"

"I think in his office."

Catherine and Jim were just finishing up looking at the records when his phone rang.

"Jim Brass."

"Brass, this is Warrick. We got a fax from Lake Mead. They spotted Grissom's Tahoe. They gave me directions on how to get to the cabin it was parked in front of."

"Okay, we'll be over there in a few minutes. Get the team ready and we'll head out once we get there."

When Jim's car pulled up in front of the lab only Warrick and Greg were waiting for him.

"Where are Nick and Sara?" Catherine called out from Jim's car.

"I tried to call but they didn't answer their phones. I left each of them a message. They both were exhausted, so I'm not surprised that they're still sleeping."

"Okay, we have to go now. Jim called for an ambulance to meet us out there."

Warrick and Greg got into Warrick's truck and they lead the way out to the cabin.

oooooooooo

Day 3: The Cabin

6:00am

Gil was asleep when the sun replaced the moon, and its light was now shining through the window. He woke up when heard the cabin door being slammed shut and footsteps coming towards him.

"Get up Gil! It's time for you to face death."

Bryan grabbed Gil up by his hair, which forced Gil to obey Bryan's wishes. He was leaned up against the wall while Bryan untied Gil's legs so he could walk.

"Come on."

Bryan grabbed Gil around his right arm and turned him around and pushed him out the front door.

The sun light broke through the trees in front of his eyes. Gil had to squint to see where he was being pushed to. They walked about a mile into the woods. On entering the opening in the cluttered woods, Gil saw a hole, about four feet deep seven feet long staring up at him from the ground.

_This is it. My grave. No tombstone telling who lies here and when they lived, just a hole in the ground._

Bryan pushed on Gil's shoulders causing him to fall to his knees in front of his grave. Gil never took his eyes off it.

_This is it. It doesn't matter...it never did, and this is why._

He was stripped out of his thoughts when he felt the tape being ripped off his mouth, but he didn't feel the stinging pain, it was clouded by the silencing thought that he was about to die.

"Do you have any last words Gil? Anything you want to say to me?"

At first he thought he was going to tell him off, but then he thought he was going to plead with Bryan to not do it. It save his life, it didn't have to be like this. The words that he did say not only surprised him, but Bryan as well.

"Yeah, Bryan. Don't miss."

And with that, he closed his eyes and prepared to become none existent. When several seconds had gone by, he thought Bryan had changed his mind, but then a powerful bang and a stinging pain in his chest changed all that. He looked down at the gun shot wound in his lower chest. He couldn't help but laugh a little, Bryan, had indeed missed.

He wasn't sure if it was the fact that he was dying or his mind just messing with him, but before he fell to the ground he thought for sure he heard Jim calling his name and asking if he was okay.

oooooooooo

Earlier, when Jim's car and Warrick's Tahoe came around the turn and stopped in front of the cabin, they had thought they were too late. They searched the cabin and found no one inside it. Grissom's truck was still there so they know Bryan had to be too.

Jim and Warrick walked as quietly as they could through the woods while Catherine and Greg stayed with the vehicles just in case Bryan came back from a different way.

Jim was closing in on the clearing when he seen Bryan pull off the tape and asked Grissom a question. He motioned for Warrick to take one side while he takes the other.

When Jim had seen Bryan start to raise his gun at Grissom's back he didn't hesitate to fire. The noise of the gun scared Bryan that it caused him to pull the trigger at the same time Brass's gun went off. Bryan stumbled forward when the bullet hit him. He dropped his gun and looked down at Gil who had started to laugh again. Bryan let out a moan before his lifeless body hit the ground at Gil's feet.

TBC...


	14. The Talk With Jim

**A/N**: Here's another chapter for everyone!

"Warrick!?"

Warrick and Jim came around from the back of the cabin carrying Grissom.

"Cath, where's the ambulance at?"

"We got a call from them. They're stuck on the highway, there was a car crash. Is Gil okay, is he alive?"

"Yeah, just barely."

Catherine walked up to them as they placed Gil on the ground and opened the back door to his Tahoe. Catherine was suddenly at a lost for words. The bloody body in front of her on the ground barely resembled the man she had known for most of her adult life.

"Cath. You take Jim's car and follow behind us. Greg! You take my Tahoe and follow Catherine. Jim and I are taking Griss in his truck. Okay. Cath? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah."

She grabbed Greg and pulled him with her to the two vehicles. Jim climbed in the driver's seat of Grissom's truck while Warrick got in the back with Grissom.

oooooooooo

He couldn't breathe. The air was thick and the temperature was hot. _It's always_ _hot as hell in Vegas_. _And_ _why can't I breathe? There is nothing wrong with the air, nothing, so how come I can't breathe?_

He kept telling himself that it'd pass. He would come out of this nightmare and be okay, but deep down as he finally realized where he was and why, he knew it wouldn't. He looked up and realized he was moving, in a truck, _his_ truck, but he wasn't driving.

Now, while he was looking out the window at the world passing by him, the events of the last three days flooded his mind and he remember how he ended up in his truck gasping for air.

"Jim, Grissom's awake!"

Jim looked back at Warrick who was desperately trying to keep the gun shot wound in Grissom's chest from spilling out more blood.

"Griss, can you hear me?"

Gil looked up at the man above him.

"Warrick, I can't breathe?" The words came out as rusty and dry as an old nail. His chest and whole body ached at the words.

"Okay, Griss. You'll be fine. We're almost at the hospital."

"Bryan, what about…"

"He's dead. Jim shot him."

Gil felt the darkness drift over him again. Warrick's body slowly faded from his eyes as he passed out again.

"Stay with me Grissom. Jim, he passed out again and I'm losing his pulse."

"We're almost there. It's just around the corner."

The black Tahoe rounded the corner in front of Desert Palms hospital.

Jim quickly jumped out of the truck and ran to help Warrick with Grissom.

Jim had radioed the hospital when they were on the road, so there was a stretcher and several doctors already waiting for them at the emergency entrance. They helped Jim and Warrick with Grissom, as they placed him on the stretcher and rushed him into the emergency room.

Warrick went straight to the nurse's desk and asked to use the phone, while Jim and the others parked the cars.

It wasn't until after Nick, Sara, and Doc. Robbins had been there for four hours with the others that the doctor finally came out of the room Grissom had surgery in.

"Are you all his family?"

Catherine spoke to the doctor. "Close enough. We're his colleagues and friends, the only family he has besides his mom."

"Do you know where his mother is at? Can you get in touch with her?"

"Yeah, she lives in California. But she won't be able to make it out here."

"Well, you need to notify her soon…"

"Why?" Nick was out of his seat and standing next to Catherine.

"He is in critical condition. The gun shot was pretty bad, and he lost a lot of blood. The damage done to him by the beatings and the drug that was given to him, they both have caused a lot of internal damage. I'm sorry, but he might not make it through the rest of this day."

The sound of silence and dread engulfed the entire team. Catherine turned back around and collapsed into the chair she was sitting in. Nick just stood were he was for several minutes watching the doctor walk away.

"I guess I'll try to reach his mom again." Warrick said as he got up and headed down the hall to find a phone and something he could release his anger on.

After awhile Doc. Robbins had to leave and go home to his wife. Sara, Nick, and Greg went in search of coffee and Warrick, which left Catherine and Jim sitting in the chairs outside of the room that their friend was in.

Jim was the first to break the silence.

"Did I tell you about what happened after Gil replaced me as supervisor?"

"No."

"Well, we had gotten into an argument that day. I was pissed off because I was demoted and Gil was pissed off because he was promoted."

"Yeah, I remember, he wasn't too happy about having to be in charge of everyone."

"Yeah, he let me know exactly how he felt about it too and so did I. After shift, I thought that our friendship was ruined, because of the fight we had. So, on my way home I dropped by his townhouse. I wasn't expecting him to even answer the door. When he did, I was surprised that he didn't look the way he did at work. He looked normal, almost. He was wearing some sweats with a baseball shirt on and he was standing there with a beer in his hand. I started to say something but he moved away from the door and let me in. He had one weird house. I remember nothing but butterflies all over his walls."

"Yeah, that was defiantly his home. Nothing compared to his office though."

"Don't remind me. Anyway, he got me a beer and we sat down on his couch and started to watch the baseball game. I mean, it was like he expected me to come over and hang out and watch the game together. I never did get to ask him if we were still friends, because during the game he turned to me and said, "I'm glad we're friends Jim, this is nice." Then he just turned back to the TV. I for one was just speechless, but I knew from that point on that no matter whatever happened between us, we'll still be friends."

"It's funny how he can do things like that. We got into it too one time. After work I asked if we were alright, he looked up and said "We'll be fine." It was like there was no question that we wouldn't be fine in his mind."

"God Cath. I hope he pulls through. I don't think we can go on without him."

"You got that right. You think he thinks the same about us?"

"Absolutely."

TBC...


	15. The Confession of Gil Grissom

**A/N:** Okay, I looked over this chapter and I believe all the errors are gone...hopefully. And, oh wow, what great reviews! Thanks everyone!

_The air is too thick, airless…I can't breathe. Run, you have to keep running! _

The trees he was running through were thick, and there was complete silence all around him.

_I have to keep going._

He fell, tripped over something and the pain in his ankle intensified. He started to crawl to get away. He looked behind him but he couldn't see who he was running from. He could only see the trees and the sunlight. He stood up tried to run again. The silence was broken by a loud bang, a gunshot was heard through the thick air. He stopped and looked down at his chest; he saw blood pouring from him.

_I'm bleeding to death. I'm going to die._

He fell to his knees, helpless. He never felt that before, complete helplessness. He was about to fall dead, but he heard…a bang? Someone was banging.

Gil woke up from his dream. The same dream he's been having for three months now. He stared at the clock; it was 3 in the afternoon. He heard it again, banging coming from the door. He looked at the door and realized it wasn't his bedroom door. He wasn't home. He started to panic again. He was already close to an attack when he was asleep and sweat was already dripping down his neck. He couldn't hide the fear that was in him, he felt his heart rate increase and his head started to spin.

"Gil? Gil, are you up yet? Can I come in?"

At the sound of Catherine's voice he started to calm him down some.

For three months, every time he has woken up, he never knew if it was real or not. He didn't know if he was away from the man and that house.

He rolled up and sat on the side of the bed. He looked around and realized where he was, in Catherine's guestroom. He couldn't believe it happened again, that for a few minutes he had forgotten where he was.

_How can I keep doing this? I've been staying here ever since I got out of the hospital._

He stood up and immediately looked down at his ankle.

_It's not broken It's healed.. _

He looked at his wrist and moved it around.

_So is my hand, completely healed._

He walked over to the door and opened it. Catherine was standing in front of him with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Here." She handed the cup to him, "I thought you might need this. Doctor Howard called, he said that your appointment has been moved to 4 today. How do you feel?"

"Fine." He lied.

"You don't look fine. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, Catherine, I did." He lied again.

"Today's your last session, you must be happy."

"Extremely. Oh and thanks for the coffee, it's great."

He walked back into the room, sipping the coffee. He placed it on the dresser and sat back down on the bed.

"I would have let you continue sleeping, but I knew you would want to get up it time to get ready and eat."

"I'm not hungry right now. I can eat later."

"How about we go and get something to eat after your appointment?"

"You have to go to work."

"So do you. Today will be your first day back."

He nodded his head and looked at the floor.

"You are happy about that, right?"

He just nodded again.

"Gil, if you're not ready…"

"Cath. Thanks for everything. I need to get ready, could you please leave."

"Sure…are you sure you're fine?"

"Catherine, please."

"Okay."

She turned and left, shutting the door behind her.

Gil kept looking at the floor until the tears in his eyes were gone and the pain he felt in his chest was gone. He wasn't completely over his panic attack when he let her in, but that wasn't the only reason he felt the way he did. If he wasn't at her house he would have made it perfectly clear to his wall, door, or mirror, and he probably would have broken his hand all over again.

He grabbed the cup off the dresser and stared into, like it had all the answers hidden in it. He took another drink of coffee then he stood up and went into the bathroom and shut the door.

Catherine had just gotten back from taking Lindsey over to her sister's house when Gil came out of the room, with a dustpan that was filled with pieces of a shattered coffee cup.

"What happened?"

"I…dropped it."

"My floors are carpeted, how did it break?"

"I didn't drop it in the bedroom. I was in the bathroom."

Catherine could only look at the man in front of her who was emptying the dustpan into the trash can.

"Gil, I don't…"

"Come on, its time to go. I'll drive myself. You can follow me if you want."

He was already at the front door with his keys. Catherine turned and joined him.

"Yeah, ok. Are we still eating together afterwards?"

"Yeah."

He left and Catherine followed him. He got into his new Tahoe and Catherine got into hers.

oooooooooooo

"So, Doctor Grissom. Are you having bad dreams again like when you were in the hospital?"

His doctor sat across from him in a big leather chair that looked like it was going to swallow up the small man sitting in it.

Gil was staring out the window at Catherine who was outside in the parking lot talking on her cell phone.

_She's probably talking about me. It could be Jim…_

"Doctor Grissom. I asked you as question."

He turned and looked at the man.

"Dreams? No, no dreams."

He turned and looked back out the window. Catherine got off her phone and started to walk back towards the building.

"Well,"

He heard the doctor start to talk again, so he turned and looked at him.

"Well what?"

"You seem fine to me. Nothing has happened to make me change my mind about having you return to work. Do you have anything you want me to know, to talk about…how's your hearing?"

"Great, never better. The eardrum is healed, all that happened was that the tissue was swollen and it damaged the eardrum. It decided to effect my hearing at the exact time Bryan hit it."

"That's good news. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"No, can I go now? Me and Cath have to get something to eat first before she, we go to work."

"Yeah."

Gil stands up and shakes the doctor's hand.

"Thanks, for giving me the ok to get back to work Doc."

"You're welcome Doctor Grissom, take care of yourself."

"I will."

He turns around and leaves the office. He meets Catherine in the hallway.

"You look happy."

"I am. I'm finally free. So, where do you want to eat at?"

"How about we go to the diner around the corner?"

"Sounds good."

oooooooooo

They sit down in a booth by the window. A waitress takes their order and leaves.

"So, what did your doctor say?"

"That I'm good to go back."

"I have a feeling that you're not."

Gil stares at her. "What makes you say that?"

"Gil, I've been living with you for over three months now. I don't think you're ready."

He just continued to look at her. She was right and he knew it. He wasn't ready for none of it and he didn't, no he knew he couldn't go back.

The waitress appeared out of nowhere, which caused him to jump a little out his seat. Catherine was looking right at him, so it wasn't lost on her how jumpy and nervous he was. The waitress placed the plates down then left.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think I've done enough talking for three months." He was starting to get angry and frustrated.

"Please, Gil. Everyone knows that you didn't talk to that doctor. Even if you did, it was nothing but lies to get him off your back and for him to believe that you are fine."

Gil throws his fork down on the plate. He could feel his hands and face getting red and he felt hot. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down.

Catherine didn't know what to do. She could tell that he was mad. So, she sat her fork down and leaned back in her seat and just waited. She didn't know what she was waiting for until she heard him.

"I wanted him to shoot me Cath." He was still looking at the plate. "I don't know how to explain why. All I know is that when he asked me if I wanted to say anything before I died, all I could think about was how glad I was. I told him not to miss, I said to him Cath, I said, "Don't miss." Those were going to be my last words."

Catherine couldn't say anything. She felt the tears rise up in her eyes and she did all she could do to keep them from falling. She cleared her throat.

"Do you still feel that way? That you want to die, Gil?"

Gil finally lifted his head up and looked at her through his watery eyes.

"Yeah, a little. Every time I go to sleep I dream of that day at the cabin. In my dream, I try to run, to get away, but I can't. I still get shot. And when I'm about to die my mind accepts it. Then when I wake up, I still think I'm in that house and Bryan's going to come in and shoot me. A part of me fears it but another part of me wants it to happen. I think that's what scares me the most."

"Gil, I think you need to tell the doctor this."

"I can't Cath. I can't tell someone I don't trust. I trust you, you and the team. You're my friends and I trust every single one of you guys. And, it won't help if I tell that damn doctor anyway."

"Why?"

"Because, it doesn't matter, none of it matters."

"I sure as hell think it matters. Gil, it sounds to me that, that…"

"That what?"

"That you're suicidal."

"I'm not going to kill myself Catherine."

"How do I know that?"

"You just have to trust me. I'm going to do that."

"What are you going to do?"

He stares at her for a second and then at his watch.

"It's time for work. Let's go."

He stands up and throws enough money on the table to cover the bill and tip. He starts to walk towards the door.

"Gil." She stands up and follows him out the door. "What are you going to do?"

"Right now, I have to go back to your house. I left something there."

He turns and looks at her. She leans up against her truck and stares at him.

"I'm fine Cath. I promise."

He gets in his truck and rolls down the window.

"Well, are you going to work or are you just going to stand there?"

"Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yeah. See you later."

"Gil. I'll see you at work, right?"

He just smiles and winks at her. "I said I'll see you later."

He pulls out of the parking lot and waves goodbye to her. Catherine gets in her truck and heads to the lab.

TBC…


	16. Back At The Lab

**A/N: **Thanks everyone for the reviews!! I wish I can please everyone with this chapter but I have to stay true to the charcters. I hope you enjoy it though! If I made mistakes, just curse me under your breath and keep reading...please. Okay.

He pulled up into Catherine's driveway and got out of his truck. He walked to the door and opened it with the key she had given him.

The house was dark and dreary. He stood at the front door and looked around at the house. Unlike his townhouse, this was a family house. As he walked through the house he looked over the pictures on the walls and tables. The happy photos of Catherine and Lindsey made him sigh and feel depressed all over again.

When he walked into the guestroom it wasn't the same as the rest of the house. It wasn't a happy family room; it was empty with only a few books on the bedside table. On top of the books there was an envelope. He grabbed the envelope up. This is what he had forgotten. He turned and left the room. On his way out of Catherine's house he took one last look around, making sure he didn't forget anything else, and then he left.

ooooooooooo

Warrick was in the break room relaxing on the couch when Catherine came in.

"Hey Warrick."

"Hey Cath. Where's Gris at? I thought he was coming with you?"

"He had to go back to my house, he said he forgot something."

"So, you think he's ready to come back?"

"No, I don't."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. I think we've only talked once since the hospital."

"Yeah, he's been that way for a while now. He only talks to me whenever he feels like sharing, which isn't often. Today, though, he felt like sharing."

"What did he have to say?"

"It's…too complicated, he's too complicated. You think its one thing with him then he says something and it's something completely different."

"What did he say Cath?"

"That, he's scared basically. Those weren't his exact words but that's what he's feeling."

"I've never known that man to be scared. What's he scared of?"

"Dying and…living."

Just then Nick, Sara, and Greg came into the break room.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Greg asked the two people already in the room.

Warrick is the one that answers him.

"Nothing Greg. We're just waiting on Grissom to get here."

"What's he doing?"

"Stalling."

"Stalling…work? That doesn't sound like Grissom."

"Guess you haven't heard. He's not himself lately."

"Well, what I did hear from a reliable source is that Grissom put in tons of his vacation time."

"What?" Catherine about yelled over at Greg.

"Yeah, they said he put in enough vacation time to be gone for almost the rest of the year, maybe more."

ooooooooooo

His Tahoe came to a stop in front of the Las Vegas Crime Lab.

He looked down at the envelope beside him in the truck. He considered doing this a different way but it would hurt him too much if he did do it the other way. He took it in his hands and stared at it. He started to feel nauseous. He leaned his head back against the seat and tried to relieve the sick feeling.

_I have to do this. It's the only way…isn't it? _

He looked down at the envelope again. He noticed that his hands were trembling.

_Not again. _

He could feel the anxiety worsening and a migraine coming on. He couldn't keep his head up any longer. The pain in his head was to strong and it was pounding against his temples.

Then there was a pounding at his window. He looked up and there was Jim.

"Gil! Are you okay?"

Gil lifted his hand up and rolled down the window.

"What?"

"I asked if you were okay. Well, are you?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Are you going to sit out here all night or are you coming in?"

"Uh, actually I…"

He looked over at Jim, one of his best friends.

_I can't just leave now. Jim won't let me just turn around and leave. And I can't give him the envelope either. Shit…I'm going to have to go in._

"Yeah, I'm coming." He said through gritted teeth. He still wasn't over his attack yet, but now, he had to go in. He put the envelope down in the passenger seat and then he put on his sunglasses and hoped no one asked him why he was wearing them. The sun was down, but the lights in the lab are still on and with this migraine and anxiety he was having, the lights will only make it a lot worse.

He got out of his truck and turned to face Jim.

"Shall we." He motioned for Jim to lead the way.

"You know Gil, if you need a minute to get over your headache just say so. At least no one will stare at you for wearing sunglasses in the lab, at night."

Gil just looked at him through the glasses. "Just walk, Jim."

ooooooooo

Catherine was just about to jump up and go to her truck when Jim came walking into the break room.

"Hey Catherine, look who I found."

Gil came walking in behind him.

"It's about time you showed up. We've been worrying about you."

"Thanks Cath, nice to know I'm worried about. Could you sit down, please?"

Catherine stared at him for a moment then sat back down. Gil stayed standing at the door, while Jim stood up against the wall.

Gil looked at everyone one-by-one through his glasses. He wanted to be far away from here by now. The pain was increasing again and he closed his eyes at the sharp stabbing pain that started in his eyes and ended at the back of his head. He breathed deeply and opened his eyes again to look at his friends in the room.

"All right," He cleared his throat before he continued, once he heard how hoarse it was. "I have something to tell everyone. I…I'm going to California, back home for a while."

"Yeah, we already figured out you were leaving Gil. Word travels fast about how much vacation time you put in. I'm just surprised you came to tell us in person. I thought once you left that parking lot I would never see you again…alive."

"Catherine, please don't start on this."

"Start on what?"

"You know what!" He hadn't meant for that to come out as loud and hateful as it sounded, but it did, and he couldn't take it back. He was already extremely upset and frustrated to have to come in the lab to tell them, but now with Catherine getting on him he couldn't restrain his anger.

Everyone was staring at him now. Each of them speechless, they've never seen Grissom this angry before. Jim even pushed himself away from the wall to be able to stop him from doing something, if he needed to.

Gil was furious now. He felt his hands clinch and his face was red and raging. He was glad he had the sunglasses on because the look in his eyes would have made Jim come all the way over to him and take him out of the room. He grabbed the chair in front of him and leaned forward against it with his head down, trying to steady himself and regain control over what had just happened.

"Gil, you need to talk this out here with us, not run away to California. Why don't you tell everyone here what you told me?"

Gil gripped the chair tighter and he kept staring at the table.

_I can't do this now, not in front of everyone. Cath, why can't you see that._

Jim could see that Gil was battling against something with in himself. He took this moment to try to calm him and get him to finally talk.

"Gil are you all right?"

"I'm fine Jim. I just, need to get away from here."

"I understand that Gil. You of all people deserve the time off, but why? Why do you have to go?"

"Because…I can't do it right now. I can't do this anymore, not yet."

"What? The work?"

"Yeah, but not just the work Jim, I can't handle Vegas right now, all of it, not even the people in this room."

Jim looked around everyone. He could see that they were all confused a little and at the same time hurting for their friend.

"Why don't you tell me why you can't handle it?"

"You know why."

"I do. Enlighten me, please."

Gil turned his head and looked at Jim. Jim could tell that Gil's eyes weren't just dark from no sleep but they were bloodshot and watery too.

"It's called burning out Jim. You know what people feel when that happens, right?"

"Yeah, they get depressed, increased stress levels, increased sickness, as in your case migraines, emotional outburst, making cases personal, isolation, sleeplessness, forgetfulness…I could go on and on Gil, but you've been like that for, well, ever."

"Yeah, I have been, but Jim, you're forgetting to biggest symptom of all, it's not common but it happens a lot."

"What's that?"

"Suicidal thoughts, Jim, that's what."

Jim just looked at him, he couldn't believe it.

"I can't stay here."

"Why? We can help you. We're your friends Gil. You have no one in California."

"That's why it's best if I go there. I can't keep living in everyone's guestrooms…"

"You can rent an apartment. You have the money."

"I already got me a place to live."

"In California?"

"Yeah."

"Grissom?" Nick finally spoke. "Why can't you be around us?"

Gil turned from Jim and stared at Nick. He wasn't expecting to answer that question, not now.

"Well, Nicky, it's not that I can't be around you. I just can't be around anyone that does this for a living right now. I've been living with Catherine for the three months I've been out of the hospital and every time I see her I realize that I lost my will to do it. That everything I've ever worked for is gone and I don't know if I'll ever get it back. I'm sorry you guys." He put his head back down and tried to shake his headache away. "I didn't want this to happen, I thought I'll be well enough to come back by now but I'm not. I need time to figure things out." He took a deep breath again and pushed himself off the chair. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in California. I'll give everyone my new address and number when I get there." He turned around and left the room.

Sara got up and stormed out and went to catch up with him.

"Hey Grissom!"

He stopped and turned around to face her. "What?"

"Can we talk?"

"No, I have a plane to catch.

"Then let me drive you, we can talk on the way."

"I have my own truck Sara."

"And are you going to leave it at the airport? Let me drive you and I can have your truck deliver out there so you can have it."

He knew he couldn't argue with her, so he relented. "Okay. Let's go."

TBC…


	17. The Drive With Sara

**A/N:** **READ THIS!!** Okay, I'm having a dilemma here. I want to continue with this story, but I don't know to just keep writing it with this story as a WIP, or to make it a completely different story as a sequel to this one...so any help from you will be greatly appreciated. This could be the last chapter to the story but that's up to you guys if you want me to stop it here. I hope this made some sense. Oh, and after this chapter I will take a break, just to let you know...but don't worry it wont be too long.

**Disclaimer:** Okay, I have a song in here, I don't own it. It's "A Rush of Blood to the Head" by Coldplay.

"So, Grissom, what time's your flight and where is it?"

"Henderson, it leaves at ten. Can I turn on the radio?"

"Yeah, sure."

He turns it on and starts flipping through stations and turning the volume up.

"If you don't want to talk to me that's fine but I think you should."

"I don't feel like talking Sara."

"Do you mind if I talk to you?"

"Will it matter what I think or want?"

She looks at him then back at the road. "You don't have to get angry."

He stops flipping through the stations and looks out the window.

"I think you should stay here."

"You and everyone else."

"Do you remember the time I was going to leave? You tried to keep me here by telling me the lab needs me, then you sent me a plant, remember that?"

"How could I forget, Catherine practically made me do it."

Sara slammed on her breaks which caused Grissom to fly forward and almost hit his head on the dashboard.

"Damn Sara, are you trying to kill me!"

"Catherine made you?"

He looked over at her. "Well kind of, I wasn't going to send anything until she came over and told me to."

"I don't believe you. I actually thought you cared."

"I did care Sara; I just didn't know what to do about it."

"The same way you didn't know what to do about us? Please, Grissom, you knew, you still know, you just won't do it."

"I'm not discussing this right now."

"Well you better, because in an hour you'll be on a plane to California."

"Why do you care so much? Why can't you just let it go?"

"Why do I care? Is that some kind of joke? Not only me but everyone cares about you and you wouldn't give us the time of day while you were in the hospital. Grissom, you were in there for months before they let you go, two of which you were suppose to be in counseling, which apparently didn't work. Now, you're talking about wanting to die in California!"

"I don't want to die in California! Don't get overly dramatic on me Sara. And the reason why I didn't talk to anyone is because I didn't want to or need to. I can take care of myself, I'm a grown man!"

"I didn't say you weren't. I was just saying that we tried and tried to help you and be there for you but you kept pushing us away and now we can finally do that and you want to run away."

"I knew I shouldn't have let you drive me. Pull over, I'm getting out."

"No! I'm not pulling over, if I do you'll never make the plane...okay fine, I'll pull over."

"No, wait..."

"Too late."

She pulled the truck over at an exit and parked in a fast food parking lot. "There, now, get out."

"Real funny, get back on the road."

"No, you said you wanted me to pull over, so I did."

"Fine."

He got out of the truck. He was raging again and he couldn't slow his heart rate down. He looked around and realized where he was, he started to panic. He quickly got back in the truck. He thought he was going to tell her to go to the airport but he knew he had to face this now.

"Turn at the next light."

"Grissom?"

"Do it!"

She left the parking lot and she turned at the next light.

"You think we should do this? I mean, you don't look like you can handle it right now."

"Just...keep going, please Sara, I have to do this."

She kept driving until she could see the street in front of her and she turned onto it. The townhouse was still being worked on and the house across the street was empty with a "For Sale" sign in the front yard.

Sara sat in the truck while Grissom got out. Sara sat there and watched him while listening to the radio.

He walked not to his townhouse but across the street to the neighbor's house.

_You said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down,  
I'm gonna put it six feet underground,  
You said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall,_

Sara saw were he was walking and she quickly got out and walked behind him.

_Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls,  
Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire,  
Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires,  
Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn,  
And do back the things it did to you in return_

He walked up to the window next to the garage. He walked closer and looked at his reflection in the glass. "This is the room that he had me in. I thought I was going to die in that room."

_You said I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war,  
If you can tell me something worth fighting for,  
Oh and I'm gonna buy this place is what I said,  
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head_

"I know what he did to you in there. I helped Catherine process the room. I...we saw the blood and the video tape in the VCR."

He shut his eyes at Sara's voice. He was trying to hide the pain and the tears that were forming. "I, I thought he was going to kill you, everyone at the lab. I couldn't watch...I couldn't do anything to save you." He felt the tears finally break free.

_Honey, all the movements you're starting to make,  
See me crumble and fall on my face,  
And I know the mistakes that I've made,  
See it all disappear without a trace,_

"Grissom, it's okay. He didn't kill us, we're fine." She walked closer to him.

_And they call as they beckon you on,  
They say start as you need to go on,  
Start as you need to go on,  
Start as you need to go on _

"I should have been able to do something to stop him, but instead, I hit my head so hard against he board I went unconscious. I couldn't save you so I made sure I couldn't see or hear him do it. He never told me he didn't do it, Sara. I thought everyone was dead until I heard Jim and Catherine at the house. I thought I caused Bryan to kill the only people I ever cared about."

He couldn't stand any longer. He finally let himself feel the exhaustion that he kept from feeling and his knees buckled. He hit the ground and sat there, in front of the house looking up at it. Sara came over and sat down beside him.

_Said I'm gonna buy this place and see it go,  
Stand here beside me baby, watch the orange glow,  
Some'll laugh and some just sit and cry,  
You just sit down there and you wonder why,_

"It's not your fault, Gris. Bryan had you tied to a bed; there was nothing you could do."

_So I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war,  
If you can tell me something worth fighting for,  
I'm gonna buy this place is what I said,  
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head,  
Oh to the head_

"I could have watched what I had caused."

"You didn't cause it."

_Coz' honey, all the movements you're starting to make,  
See me crumble and fall on my face,  
And I know the mistakes that I've made,  
See it all disappear without a trace,_

"How do you know, you weren't there? You weren't at the cabin either." He put his head down between his legs. He could feel the pain and emptiness from those days all over again and he was getting another migraine. He let the tears run and he didn't try to hide the fact he was in pain any longer, he wasn't strong enough.

"No, I wasn't but I do know that you saved all our lives by not watching. I do know that."

_And they call as they beckon you on,  
They say start as you need to go on,  
As you need to go on  
As you need to go on_

"I, have to leave Sara. I want you to promise me that you'll come and see me, you and the others. I want you guys to help me through this, but I can't do it here. I have to do it somewhere away from this street, the job, Lake Mead...do you understand?"

_So meet me by the bridge,  
Meet me by the lane,  
When am I gonna see that pretty face again,  
Oh meet me on the road,  
Meet me where I said,  
Blame it all upon a rush of blood to the head_

"Yeah, I do. I promise Grissom, we'll help you."

They sat there in front of the house for a few more minutes. Grissom calmed himself down enough to be able to make it to the truck.

It didn't take long for them to reach the airport. He sat in the truck and looked at the people going in and out of the doors. "Well, this is it." He turns and looks at her, "I'm sorry I blew you off at the hospital. I, just, felt too much guilt at that time."

"It's okay, it really is. There's nothing to feel guilty about. You did everything you could do and you made it, we all did."

He shook his head and looked at her, "Thanks, for listening."

"Thanks for talking, and trusting me."

"I've always trusted you Sara."

He got out and shut the door. He looked up at the doors then he turned back around and looked at her. "See you later. You and Cath take care of the team while I'm gone."

"We'll do our best. Whatever Cath and I can't handle, we'll call you, deal?"

"Deal. Later."

"Later Grissom."

He turned around and went into the airport.

TBC?????


	18. The New Apartment

A/N: Okay, I decided to just continue this story as a WIP instead of a sequel, it's just easier for me. I don't know how long this is going to be, hopefully it wont be too long but I have a tendency to not know when to end a story. I don't know when I'll update again, I promise it won't be more than a week though. I hope you continue to read and submit me little bits of inspiration, ideas, etc.! Thanks everyone!

The flight from Vegas to Santa Monica was short, but Gil doesn't notice. He drifts off to sleep just a few minutes after take off. At first he doesn't dream of anything, it was just black silence. It isn't until the flight was almost over when he shoots up from his dream, the same one he had earlier that day. He is sweating and his face is pale white. He looks around the plane and is thankful it is nearly empty. He sits back down and looks out the window. The lights from the city are shining all around the plane. As he looks out the window he feels not dread or sadness but relief, like a huge weight was being lifted off his shoulders.

That won't last long.

The thought of visiting his mom comes to mind but he winces at the thought.

She can't see me like this, it'll hurt her too much.

He is staring at the seat in front of him when a flight attendant taps him on the shoulder.

"Sir, we've landed."

He looks around and notices that he is the only one left on the plane.

"Uh, sorry. Thanks."

He walks off the plane and starts to walk to baggage claim, then he stops. He just remembers he doesn't have anything except for his wallet. He left his bag in his truck and it is still in Vegas. He lets out a sigh and curses himself under his breath for forgetting it and letting Sara drive him.

oooooooooooo

He is laying awake and staring at the ceiling in his new apartment. He wants to go home, not to Vegas, but to the house where he grew up in, where his mom still lives, but just the thought of his mom worrying about him or trying to take care of him was so painful to even imagine, yet alone, to actually happen.

While he looks at the ceiling, memories of Bryan's house comes to his mind. It surprises him that he doesn't start to panic, yet. He lays there on the couch and thinks about the house, the room, the way the plaster on the ceiling in his new apartment is different from the plaster in Bryan's house, the color of the walls, the door to the bedroom and how it was metal, not wood like the doors in his apartment.

Then he hears Bryan's voice it breaks through the images and into Gil's ears. He catches his breath in his throat at the sound of the voice, the easy going somewhat calm voice Bryan had, and then the angry voice that erupted from him when Gil did something he didn't like.

His heart starts to pound in his chest so hard he thinks that the neighbors can probably hear it too. His eyes start to go blurry and the pain in his head increases in significant volume. He closes his eyes and tries desperately to get rid of the pain and fear, but he can't. Bryan's voice has replaced all thoughts in Gil's head. He hears him in his head, his ears, even echoing off the walls in the living room. It is so paralyzing to him that he can't move. He screams in his head for Bryan to leave.

He isn't aware that he is also screaming out loud until he hears someone knocking on his door. He jumps up and looks around the living room. He turns his head and stares at the door while it is being knocked on, loudly.

"Mr. Grissom! Are you all right? This is the manager. Mr. Grissom?"

He hears the voice but he just continues to stand there, listening to it, comparing it. When he realizes it isn't Bryan's, that it is in fact Mr. Ritter, the man that runs the apartment complex, he relaxes a little. He lets out the breath of air that is caught in his throat and walks to the door and opens it. A man, about five feet seven, heavy built is standing in front of him.

"Mr. Grissom, are you all right? The neighbors heard screaming and so did I."

"Uh, yeah, that was...the T.V. I fell asleep and left it on. It was pretty loud, sorry."

Mr. Ritter looks at him as if he is studying a foreign object he'd never seen before. He sees the sweat that is streaming down Gil's face and neck and down into his shirt. He notices the rapid breathing and Gil's clinched hands that Gil himself doesn't know that he is doing it. Mr. Ritter isn't fooled.

"You don't look all right. The neighbors and I heard _you_ yelling, at someone else. Is there anyone here?"

Gil doesn't know what to do, so all he did was shake his head no.

"Look, if you're having trouble..."

"I'm not! I just, fell asleep with the T.V. on. Maybe, maybe I was screaming in my sleep, I don't know. but there is no one here, okay! Now if you'll excuse me I have to get some sleep."

He slams the door in the man's face and leans back against the door. He suddenly feels very sick to his stomach. He makes it to the bathroom in time to let his stomach empty into the toilet. He flushes it and then he leans back against the opposite wall with his head in his hands.

oooooooooo

He doesn't remember falling asleep there, in the bathroom, but he woke up earlier on the floor staring at the white bottom of the toilet and the brown wood of the floor. He is now standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand looking into the bathroom. He is trying to remember why he was in there last night and why he slept there. He walks into the bathroom and looks at the toilet, his face wrinkles into confusion and grief, he can't remember.

He washes up and puts on the clothes he had on yesterday, because he doesn't have anything else to wear yet. He walks into the living room and picks up the phone.

At least I remembered to have the phone and electricity turned on before I came out here.

He looks at the receiver and all the little buttons on it as he determines who he should call first. He remembers a number and dials it and waits.

"Willows."

"Hey Cath."

"Gil? Hey, I'm surprised to hear from you so soon. I was giving you another day until you were missing us."

"I just, needed to call someone."

"Oh, so...how was the flight?"

"Well, it didn't crash."

"Obviously, are you all right?"

"Um, yeah."

"No you're not. If you were you wouldn't be calling."

Gil doesn't answer her back. He doesn't want to talk about how he feels just yet. Catherine can tell by his silence he doesn't want to talk about it so she changes the subject.

"So, have you seen your mom yet?"

"No, not yet. I, I don't think it'll be a good idea to see her right now."

"Have you at least called to tell her you are in town?"

"No, I...I don't want her to know yet."

"Okay. Sara is sending your truck out there. She saw that you left your bag in the back and an envelope on the front passenger seat."

"Have you read it?"

"What? The letter in the envelope?"

"Yes Catherine, the letter. Did you read it?"

"...No. We were going to, but..."

"We? You and who else, the whole lab?"

"Well, yeah. Listen Gil, we care about you, okay. More than we probably care about anyone else we work with. We're just curious to know if the letter says anything different than what you told us."

"I guess it does, but nothing really too different."

"Sara also told us about what happened on the way to the airport. It's okay Gil, we agree with Sara, you did the right thing..."

"Cath..."

"Gil, please just listen..."

"No, Catherine, I have to go. Bye."

He hangs up the phone and looks at it. He hates the fact that he had to hang up on her like that, but he can't handle it right now. While he was talking to her he started to feel like he was losing control again so he had to get off the phone. He stands up and goes into the kitchen to refill his cup of coffee, but instead he places the cup into the sink and leaves the apartment.

TBC......


	19. The Beach

**A/N:** Okay, here's the next chapter! Thanks everyone for the reviews! I'm really undecided on where to go with this woman character I have in here, so any ideas would be greatly appreciated! I have some ideas but I can't decide........okay.

When he left the apartment, he was going to go to a shopping center or maybe the market. He decided once he left the complex to just walk, he needed the time to think things through and he hadn't walked around Marina del Ray in more than twenty years he wondered if he still remembered his way around. He was walking along lost in his thoughts when he looked around and noticed he wasn't anywhere near the stores but instead he was staring at the beach, Venice Beach to be exact.

And that's where he still is now. He is sitting in the sand with his pant legs rolled up to his knees with his lower legs half in the wet sand half out staring off into the horizon as the waves slide back and forth from his legs to the ocean. He remembers being here when he was a kid, riding his bike here and get dead animals that'll be on the beach and taking them home, and how his father would just look at him like he was something that was more disturbing than the dead animal, but his mom, she would just smile at him.

He is suddenly taken out of his thoughts when he hears a voice. A woman is talking to him.

"Well hello there stranger."

He looks up at her. She is just looking down at him with a smile on her face. She has short auburn hair and blue eyes, and she's average built.

"I haven't seen you here before."

"You come here all the time?"

"Yeah, every morning at the same time, but you haven't."

He grins a little and looks back out at the water. "I just moved back here. I was supposed to be shopping right now, but I ended up here instead."

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

He doesn't take his eyes off the horizon as he shakes his head 'no'. The woman sits down in the sand next to him. She looks out on the ocean and watches the sea gules and birds fly around the water playing, looking for food. After several minutes of silence Gil starts to talk.

"You know, the last time I was here, I was in high school. After I left and went to college I never came back here."

"Why not?"

He shrugs, "I guess, I was too busy. Even when I came back here to visit my mother, I never came back to this beach."

"I've been coming here all my life, even now I make time every morning to take a walk before work."

"What time do you go to work? I'm not making you late am I?"

"No. I usually work 8 to 5, but right now I'm in the middle of a career change."

"Hum…me too, well, kind of. I want to go back but I can't yet…I'm on leave. Actually, right now I usually getting off of work and heading straight to bed."

"You know what you'll do if you don't go back?"

He looks at her than back at the water, "No, I don't. I've always thought about what I would do after I retired, but, this is different. I mean, my job isn't even a job to me, it's my life. It's everything I live for and now…"

"You're lost without it."

He looks at her and gives her a small grin, "Yeah, exactly. In more ways than one. I don't even know where the stores are around here anymore."

He looks back towards the road. "I know that the Fisherman's Village is over there, but they won't have much of what I need." He looks back at her, "Where's the department stores at?"

"What are you looking for? Food, clothes?"

"Both."

"Well," She studies him for a moment, "I have to get some shopping done too, I can give you a ride?"

He thinks about that offer for a moment.

"Yeah, okay, that would be great because my truck isn't here yet."

They stand up and Gil starts to put on his shoes.

"So, where's your truck at?"

"Vegas. That's where I've been living for the past twenty so years."

"Oh, gambler?"

"Me…no, I'm not a gambler. I work for the crime lab."

"Are you a lab tech., or a CSI?"

He looks at her, a little surprised, "CSI, how did you know?"

"I use to work for the D.A. office. I've worked with a lot of LA's investigators, preparing them for trials or hearings."

"Oh."

He's done with his shoes so they both start walking back the way the woman came.

"You live close to the beach?"

"I actually live on the beach. That's my condo up there. So, Mr. CSI, you got a name?"

"Grissom, Gil Grissom."

She stops and looks at him. "Class of '74'?"

He stops too, "Yeah, Venice High?"

"Me too. I remember you."

"Really?

They start walking again.

"Senior year in Advance Biology. You were late to class and the teacher asked why, and you said that you were held up at the morgue. The whole class stopped and just stared at you."

He laughs at the memory, "Yeah, I think that was the only time anyone noticed that I even existed."

"I knew you existed, even before that happened…that was the most memorable moment though."

They get to her house.

"Okay, let me go in and get my car keys, then, I'll be right out."

He waits on her front porch. In minutes she is back and they go to the car.

"So, you have my name, what's yours?"

"Beverly Jones."


	20. The Unexpected

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. Anyway, here's another chapter, and thanks everyone for the reviews!!

The shopping was done mostly in quiet as they both went around the stores in hunt of what they needed. They talked a little about Marina del Ray, high school, her family. Beverly has a son who's 23 and a daughter who is 16. Her husband and she got divorced ten years ago and he now lives in New York. Gil didn't say much about his family, all he had to mention was that his mother owns an art gallery and Beverly knew exactly who he was talking about. Her parents loved art and they always bought from his mother's gallery. They had been shopping for most of the day when they finally decided to get home. Her daughter would be home at 5 so they had to get going.

The drive to his apartment is done in silence as Gil looks out the window to remember where everything is at so he won't get lost again. He is deep in thought when he hears Beverly start to talk to him.

"I don't get it."

"What?"

She looks over at Gil who is still looking out the window.

"Why you chose to live in Santa Monica and not Venice. Venice is closer to the beach and Marina Del Ray, yet you live here. Not that it's too far away it's only a mile or 2 away when driving, but it seems that it'll make more sense to live closer if that's where you want to be."

He looks over at her, in serious consideration of what she said. Why did he live here and not in Venice or even in Marina Del Ray. He looks back out the window and sees his apartment complex.

"Here it is, Carlton Apartments."

She turns into the complex and Gil instructs her on where to go. She parks and helps him with his bags of clothes, groceries and books that he couldn't help but buy. One first look Gil's apartment seems, empty, too empty for anyone to live there. Beverly stands in the living room looking around at the couch, coffee table with a phone on it, and…nothing else.

"This place looks…"

"Peaceful."

"No not that…I was thinking more on the lines of dead."

Gil is in the kitchen looking out into his living/dining room where Beverly is standing.

"Yeah, well, I just moved in here yesterday. The couch I bought last night after I got here. I wasn't about to sleep on the floor. I was lucky a small retail place was still open and they delivered in the same day so, I got that, the coffee table and phone."

"And don't forget your coffee maker and cup."

"A person has to have a coffee maker and coffee cup."

"The important items for survival."

"Exactly."

"Need any help unloading all that food?"

"Umm, no thanks. Actually I'm about to collapse from exhaustion. Plus, I shouldn't be holding you up; you probably have other things to do."

"Yeah, I do. I was just offering."

"Thanks really, but…"

"You want to be alone now."

He grins and shakes his head, "Yeah."

"I got it. Well, if you ever need my help again. You know where to find me."

"Every morning at six on the beach."

"All right. See you later Gil."

"Bye, Beverly."

They wave at each other while she sees herself out the door. Gil just stares at it for a while and then he goes back to unpacking the bags.

oooooooooo

He is almost finished putting up his clothes in the closet when he hears someone knocking at his door. He walks to the door and looks out the peep hole.

"Sara?"

He opens the door and Sara is standing there with a set of keys in her hands.

"Hey!"

"Uh, hi. What are you doing here?"

"I brought you your truck."

"You drove it out here?"

"Yeah."

She pushes past him giving him his keys to the truck and goes into the apartment.

"Nice, it's really…peaceful."

"It's dead."

She turns and faces him, "I wouldn't say that."

"I would, its dead."

"Okay, it's dead and peaceful."

Gil walks in front of her, still very confused and surprised to see her here.

"Explain to me please why you drove my truck here?"

Sara sits down on his couch and looks up at him.

"Well, I was going to send it here, but then we got the idea of…"

"We?"

"Yeah, me, Catherine, Nick…we, the lab. Anyway, we decided that one of us should bring it out here and see how you were, especially after Catherine got off the phone with you this morning."

"I'm surprised Catherine didn't come."

"We decided that I should do it, plus Cath is having too much fun running the place and the fact that she promised Lindsey that she would stay."

"So, everyone agreed that you were the one to come out here?"

"Yeah, I guess I know the area better and I am the only one that really got you to talk."

"Ah, I see, you're not here to make sure I'm fine, you're here to get me talk and maybe convince me to go back to Vegas?"

"Grissom. Of course I'm here to make sure you're fine…and to try to get you to come back."

"I can't go back Sara, not now anyway, we've been through this."

"I know, but I have to at least try."

She looks around.

"So, you got anything to eat, I'm starving."

"I don't think I do."

"Okay, let's go out and get something."

She stands up.

"Look, Sara. I'm really tired and I don't feel like going out."

"I just drove like a bat out of hell from Vegas to get here and…you know what, that's fine Grissom. I'm tired too."

Gil stands there looking at her.

"What?"

"I hope you brought money for a hotel room because you can't sleep here."

"Why not?"

"All I got right now is the couch, that's it. Oh, and no blankets or pillows, I forgot to get some while I was at the store. And don't even think about us sharing the couch."

Sara went to speak then she stops herself. "Fine, I'll sleep on the floor."

"What! You're not sleeping on the floor."

"Then you sleep there. Either way I'm not leaving, Catherine told me not to let you out of my sights. So unless you push me out the door, I'm not leaving."

"But…Sara…" He is speechless. He stares at her and sees that she's serious and there is nothing he can do to make her leave. "Fine, you stay here and sleep on my couch with no pillows or a blanket and I'll go get a room at the hotel."

"Grissom!"

He walks to the kitchen and grabs his keys to the apartment. He walks right by Sara, who is still standing by the couch with her arms crossed, and is about to walk out the door.

"Fine, I'll leave."

He turns around and looks at her with a smile on his face.

"I hear that the rooms at the Holiday Inn are lovely."

"You know if Catherine was here, you would share the couch with her."

"Of course, she doesn't roll around like you do."

"I don't roll around."

"Yeah you do. Remember that one time you fell asleep on the couch in the break room and ended up on the floor."

"Hey! Nick pushed me off."

"Either way, you move I've seen you."

"Yeah, you're right. I don't want to share the couch with you anyway. You snore, loud."

She walks out the door.

"Hey, you are going to drive me, right?"

He looks at her for a moment then starts to shut the door.

"Grissom!"

He opens the door and smiles and walks out the apartment.

"Of course I'll drive you."

ooooooooo

After he dropped Sara off at the hotel, he decided to drive around for a while. He was going to go back to his place but it felt so empty, it wasn't a home to him and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. He hasn't had a good 8 hours sleep since the hospital and that was only due to the drugs he was on.

He drove through Venice, around Marina del Ray, back up to Santa Monica then back down to Marina del Ray and to the last place he thought he would go, he went home to his mom's house. He stops in front of the house. The lights are still on and his Aunt's car was in the driveway, like always, and a car he doesn't recognize.

He parks his truck and gets out. He starts to walk up the drive to the door.

_It's almost 8 o'clock; they are probably getting done with dinner._

He stops and is about to knock when the door opens.

TBC…


	21. Welcome Home

**A/N: **Thanks everyone for the reviews!!! If there are any mistakes, I'm sorry but it's midnight and I'm too tired to double check. I hope everyone likes this chapter. And please if you have any thoughts or ideas let me know. Okay...oh, and I have no idea if his father is still alive or not, they never said in the show but for the story he is...okay, that's it.

The door opens and Gil comes face-to-face with his father. He couldn't speak, of all the people he expected to see opening the door to his mom's house is his father.

"Gil! What are you doing here?"

He just stares at him. He looks down and something in his father's hand catches his eyes. He looks back up at him. He can feel his heart rate increase and he knows he's running out of patience.

"What the hell are you doing? Taking money from my mom again?"

His father looks at the expression on his son's face, he is furious.

"Gil, just calm down."

"No!"

"Gil!"

Gil's attention is taken off his father when he hears his aunt. He looks pass the man standing at the door and looks at his aunt and mom who are standing in the living room off the hallway. His mom walks up to him and takes him by the arm and leads him into the living room. His hands are trembling and she can feel how hot he is. He looks at his mom and talks and signs to her at the same time.

"What is he doing here and why are you giving him money?"

'He needs it…'

"Like hell he does!"

'Gilbert, don't.' She gives him a look that he knows all too well, he uses it too when he wants someone to stop or calm down.

He looks at her then back out at the man at the door, who without another word leaves the house. He looks back at his mom and aunt. He's too upset to stand still so he starts to walk around the living room.

"I can't believe this. How can you just give him money again after everything he has put us through?"

His aunt helps his mom to the couch then she looks at Gil.

"He needs the money Gil. Your mom did the right thing."

"He doesn't need the money."

"Yes, he does." She looks at his mom then back at him. "He needs to pay for his treatments Gil. Your father's dying."

He stops and looks at his aunt then his mom. "What? Dying of what?"

"Cancer, the doctors didn't catch it in time and it spread all throughout his body. He needs the money to help pay the bills and for the treatments."

He looks at his mom. Even though she and his father have been divorced for most of his life he knows his mom still loved him and now looking at her, he can't help but feel his heartbreak for her. He walks over the couch and sits down beside her.

"How come you never told me mom?"

She lets out a breath and signs to him, 'He didn't want me to tell you and I agree. You didn't need to know, not now. You have your life in Vegas; he didn't want to disrupt anything.'

He can't help the migraine that he suddenly feels filling his head. He put his head in his hands and leans back against the couch. He feels a tap on his shoulder and he looks over at his mom.

'Why are you here?'

"I'm staying here for a while. I needed a break so, I came out here."

'Are you staying here, at the house?'

He saw the look of happiness in her eyes. He closed his eyes and shook his head no.

"I can't. I wish I could but…"

He feels another tap on his shoulder. He opens his eyes; the look of happiness that was in his mom's eyes is now gone and they are filled with concern.

'Have you slept? I don't think you have."

"Not that much lately."

'Then stay here and sleep. You always say you sleep better when you're here.'

"Well, that's because the phone hardly rings here."

He looks over at his aunt who is now sitting in the arm chair next to the couch. He thinks about it then decides too.

"Okay, I'll stay, but only for the night."

She gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

'Good, because I wouldn't have let you leave anyway.'

He stays on the couch talking with his mom and aunt for hours. He tells them of Vegas and some cases he worked on while he answered the questions his mom and aunt had built up since the last time he was there. His mom and aunt finally got tired and went off to bed, leaving Gil alone on the couch. He gathers up the cups that are on the table, washes them then puts them up. He then walks up the stairs and too the room he has slept in since his birth, it's now a guest room, but he's usually the only guest that stays there.

He isn't even asleep for two hours before he wakes up out of his sleep, sweating, out of breath, and panicking. He looks around the room and is terrified because he didn't and can't remember where he is. The picture on the dresser catches his eye and he finally remembers; he's in his old room in his mom's house. He lies back down and stares at the ceiling, trying to get his breath back and to calm his nerves. After laying there for what seemed like hours he gets out of bed and goes downstairs. He can't get back to sleep. He sees the kitchen light on and walks in there. His aunt was making her some warm milk.

"Hi, you can't sleep?"

"No, and it looks like you can't either."

"I always wake up at this time of night. Want some warm milk?"

"No thanks."

"How about some juice than?"

"Yeah, okay."

She makes him a cup of orange juice and hands it to him.

"Thank you Aunt Patty. Not just for this but, for being here with my mom."

"She's my sister; I'll always be here for her. Are you sure you're okay Gil?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just…tired, too tired."

"Get some sleep you deserve it."

"I will."

She picks up her cup and walks out the kitchen. Gil follows her and instead of walking upstairs with her, he walks out onto the back patio. He sits down at the table and looks out at the Pacific Ocean. He finishes off his juice and takes it into the kitchen. He then makes a pot of coffee and pours him a cup. He goes back out onto the patio and sits back down.

He wants to go back to sleep but each time he closes his eyes he sees the woods, the grave, and his blood pouring out of him. He starts to feel an attack coming on again and his mind goes back to that time in the room, in the cabin, and in the woods. He can't seem to forget or move past it no matter how hard he tries. One time, he thought about taking some sleeping pills to but he ended but not using them, ever since he had been drugged he can't seem to make himself take any medication. His head starts to pound from the migraine he's had since he got there. He hadn't taken any migraine pills at all. He just lets himself suffer through the pain until it finally goes away.

He picks up his cup and goes to take a drink from it but his hands are trembling too hard from the pain he spills it down his chest.

"Shit!" He takes off his shirt and uses it to wipe off his chest and pants. He goes into the house and too the laundry room to clean it. After he puts it into the washer he gets himself another cup of coffee and goes back onto the patio. He is startled when someone comes up behind him. He turns around and sees his mom.

"Hey, you scared me."

'Sorry. I saw you out here and thought I'll join you.'

"Do you and Aunt Patty ever sleep?"

'No, not much.'

She looks at his chest and her eyes fill with fear and concern. She places a hand on his chest and rubs the scar.

'What happened?'

He grabs her hand and pushes it away.

"I'm fine mom. I promise."

'Were you shot? What happened?'

"Nothing! Okay, nothing happened and I'm fine."

She stares at him in disbelief. 'I'm your mother Gil. I deserve to know what happened to you. When did this happen?'

He knew she won't back down now. He sits down at the table and looks back out into the black horizon of the ocean and sky. Then he turns to look at her so she can read his lips.

"It happened a little over six months ago. My neighbor did it; he thought I was a threat to him or something. I'm fine…"

'Is that why you're here?'

He feels his jaw clinch tight. He doesn't want to do this now but it's too late, he has too. He can't lie to his mom.

"Yeah. I can't go back to work until I can handle it."

'You can't handle it?'

He takes a breath and tries to figure out how to explain it easy for her.

"No. I get lost sometimes, I forget things and then I also have these small attacks."

'Panic attacks?'

"Yes, sometimes, but they don't last long."

'Why couldn't you stay there, in Vegas?'

He didn't want to tell her about the thoughts he had when he was there, around Catherine and everyone, how every time he saw them he thought about suicide because he knew he couldn't do his job, he couldn't live his life anymore.

"I, um, my townhouse doesn't exist anymore. I have no where to live and plus I wanted to come out here, to see you and get away from there for a while."

'Wait, what happened to your house?'

"There was…a fire. Everything was destroyed, I have nothing left."

'I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?'

"No."

He turns back and looks out to the ocean. He hears her tapping the table and he looks at her.

'Yes there is. I can be here for you Gil and I am, and I love you. I can do that for you.'

She gets up and hugs him. She is about to let go when she feels his arms circle around her and she feels his warm tears on her shoulder. After several minutes he pulls her away and looks at her.

"I don't know what to do. I have nothing and I might lose my job…I'm scared and I have no idea what to do mom."

'You'll figure it out honey.'

"What if I don't?"

'You will. It'll take some time, but…'

"You don't understand mom. I can't remember a lot of things. Yesterday I woke up on the bathroom floor and I have no idea how I got there. Then last night I had to drive up and down every street in Marina Del Rey because I couldn't remember where the house was. I can't go back to work like this."

'Do you no why you're forgetting things?'

"Yeah, there are several reasons."

'What are they?'

"Well, I," He knew one of the reason was because of the drugs Bryan had given him, some side effects was memory lose but he wasn't about to tell his mom about that, "I haven't slept more than three or four hours every night for six months now."

'Gil, you have to sleep. What else? You look thin, have you been eating regularly?'

"No, not really."

'And you wonder why you forget things? There's another reason too, but I don't think you'll tell me. Listen honey, you have to sleep and eat, that's probably what's making you feel the way you do.'

"But I can't, I try to sleep but every time I close my eyes, I relive that day over again."

'The day you were shot?'

"Yeah."

'I know that you've already seen someone, but knowing you, you didn't let them help you.'

"They can't, I don't trust those people and you know that."

'Yes, I do. So get help from those you trust. You're going to get through this, you just need something to hold on to you need someone to help you. It's the only way. You've tried doing it only and look at you. You hardly eat and sleep…you understand?'

"Yeah, I do."

'I'm tired honey; I have to go back to bed. I have to get up at 5.'

"Okay, goodnight mom and thanks."

They hug again and she goes off to bed.

ooooooooo

After his shirt got done in the dryer he decided to go for a walk. He ended but back on the bench, in almost the exact same spot he was before. He lay down on the sand and stared into the morning sky.

He didn't know he fill asleep until he hears a woman call his name. He opens his eyes and looks up into a pair of blue eyes, it was Beverly and by his guess, 6 o'clock.

"Did you sleep here?"

He stares at her in confusion then looks up at the sky. The sunlight was starting to show through the clouds.

"I guess so. The last time I saw the sky if was still dark."

He sits up and rubs hands through his hair.

"I don't think that'll work. You got sand all over your back."

She starts laughing then helps him brush it off. He stands up and does the best to get as much of it off him as possible.

"I think some went down my shirt and pants."

"That's not good. You'll be scratching yourself all morning. Need a ride back home again?"

"No, my truck got here yesterday after you dropped me off."

"That's great. Where is it?"

"Uh, it's at my mom's house. I walked here."

"Oh, so I guess that's where you're headed off to huh?"

"Actually, she's gone. Every Sunday she and my aunt get up at 5, then at 6 they leave and get breakfast, then from there they'll go to church. So, I was thinking about breakfast."

"Funny, so was I. My daughter will be getting up in an hour and I usually have breakfast made for her by then."

"Your daughter gets up at 7 on a Sunday?"

"Yeah, well, we have a morning run together then at nine she goes to work. Since she turned 16 she thinks she has to work all the time and then shop all the time and spend her money. Would you like to have breakfast with us?"

He only needs a second to think of his answer.

"Sure, I'd love too."

They start walking up the beach. Beverly looks at him, he is greatly distracted.

"Are you okay? You look, off."

"Off?"

"Yeah, that's what my daughter says when someone's looking confused or just out of it, she says that they're off. I think something is bothering you."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes it is actually."

He takes a deep breath and looks over at her.

"I can trust you right?"

"Yes, yes you can."

"Well, last night I found out something about my father that's really troubling me. He's dying and I'm bothered about how I feel about it. At first, I was sad, but I realized it was just because my mother was so heartbroken over it that it made me feel the same. Later though, after I thought about it, I realized that I kind of envy him."

"Because he's dying and you're not?"

"Sounds crazy doesn't it?"

"No, actually, it sounds like you're depressed. I don't blame you though. Seeing how distort you are over maybe losing your job and life, I think I'll feel the same way."

"Really, so, you don't think I'm crazy?"

"No, I think you're just lost right now, but that doesn't mean you still can't live."

TBC…


	22. Breakfast At Beverly's

**A/N: **So sorry for the wait…life happened and I couldn't avoid it. Anyway, thanks for the reviews everyone. I appreciate everything you guys have to say. Also, I really have no idea were this story is headed, the first part I knew, but this…well, I need time to think about things so if I don't keep updating all the time you'll know why, and I really don't want to rush things to get to a conclusion. Okay, so here's another chapter for you all, hope you like it.

"So pancakes or waffles?"

Gil looks at Beverly debating on the answer.

"Uh…what's easier?"

"The pancakes are, well, for me."

"Okay, pancakes then."

He grabs the coffee pot and pours himself a cup of coffee while she starts mixing the pancake mix. He walks over to the table sits down.

"Thanks, for inviting me to breakfast."

"You're welcome." She looks over at him, "You look like you can use it. Did you always use to skip meals or is this new?"

He stares at her. He didn't think that she knew about him not eating, but of course, he never does know how people figured other people out.

"Umm, it's new."

She just nods her head in agreement and goes back to her cooking. Within twenty minutes she has a stack of pancakes.

"Two…three, how many?"

"Four, I'm starving."

She places a plate in front of him and then she sits down across from him.

ooooooooo

Sara gets out of the cab and runs up the stairs to Gil's apartment. She gets to his door and starts pounding on it.

"Grissom?! Grissom?! It's me Sara!"

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her cell phone and dials his number. She hears the phone rings in the phone and through the door, still no answer, like earlier when she had called. She hangs up and stares at the door.

"Where the hell are you Grissom?"

oooooooooo

Gil and Beverly had already eaten and are now drinking their second cup of coffee at the kitchen table.

"So, you have many friends in Vegas?"

"Yeah."

"So, who are they? Tell me about them…if you want to, I mean…"

"No, it's fine. I don't mind talking about them. Well, to start, my best friend lives there."

"Man or woman?"

"What is this, twenty questions?"

"Yes."

He laughs at her bluntness and takes a sip of his coffee.

"Woman, her name is Catherine. We work together. She is a single mother with a daughter, just like you."

"I hope not just like me, I like to believe I'm unique."

He smiles, "You are, you two are defiantly not the same, other than those two aspects."

"So, that answers a question I had for awhile."

"What's that?"

"Why you relate to me so much. I have known you for only two days and so far I can tell that you like to be alone and that you don't trust a lot of people, but you already trust me."

"Well, you've given me no reason not to trust you and…you listen to me without telling me what to do."

"It seems to me that you don't need that…not yet anyway. I can be very controlling at times."

"More like all the time."

The voice of Beverly's daughter filled the kitchen as she walks in.

"Good morning mom." She looks over at Gil, "Who's this?"

"Kelley, this is Gil Grissom, I told you about him."

"Oh right, you two went to high school together. Hi!"

Gil smiles at her, "Hi."

"Kelley, dear, I made pancakes."

"Great, I'm so hungry." She goes over and starts making her a plate. "Oh, mom, I have to go over to Rachel's today after work."

"Why?"

"Cause."

"Cause is not an answer."

"Ugh, fine, we have plans to hang out, happy."

"No, I thought we were going to spend the evening together."

"We were until she called. Is it okay? Please say it is."

She turns and faces her mom who is staring at her. Gil, on the other hand, is looking at the table like it deserves his undivided attention.

"Fine, be home by curfew."

"Thanks!"

Kelley leaves the kitchen to go call her friend and to be "alone" in her room.

"Teenagers, I swear."

Beverly looks over at Gil who is still looking at the table.

"Not wanting to get involved huh?"

He looks up at her and smiles, "Well, yeah."

"Then you must have some experience with them then."

"Besides the fact that I use to be one, no not really, I mean, Catherine's daughter is just now hitting those teen years and it's just…"

"Crazy and what am I going to do and how am I going to survive it."

"Yeah."

"I guess your parents didn't have to go through that with you, did they?"

"No, the only thing my mother had to worry about was, well, hell I don't even know what she had to worry about...well, that actually concerned me."

"She was lucky then, I worry about Kelley every second of every day."  She looks at him of a moment, "Your mom, she worries about you now though."

He looks at her with a small grin and nods, "Yeah, she does."

"So, who else?"

"Who else?"

"Yeah, in Vegas, who else is there?"

"Oh that. Well, Jim is a good friend to me; we've known each other since I moved there. He's with the LVPD. Then there's Warrick and Nick who I work with too, and Sara."

At the mention of her name he remembers that she was here. He suddenly sat up straight in his chair.

"What's wrong Gil?"

"Sara, she's here and she's probably mad as hell at me and worried like crazy. I have to go."

He gets up and hurries to the door then turns around, Beverly was right there in front of him.

"Thanks again for the breakfast."

"Anytime. Do you need a ride to your truck?"

"No, I need the walk to figure out what the hell I'm going to tell her."

"I understand, she's, umm, with you?"

"With me?"

He wrinkles his head in confusion.

"Yeah, _with_ you."

"Oh, no, she's not with me. We're just good friends. She drove my truck here for me."

"Oh, ok. Well, it sounds like she wants to be _with_ you."

He looks at her and contemplates what she just said.

"But by the looks of it, you don't want that."

"I…I really don't know what I want now."

"You did before?"

"Before…before yeah, I knew that I couldn't be in anything permanently."

"And now?"

"Now, I have no idea. If I do go back, it'll be like it was before. If I don't…I think I'm too afraid to find out."

"If you ever need to talk things out, I can be your best friend while you're here."

"Thanks, I already figured that out. I have to go."

"Have a nice walk, oh, and it feels really good at this time of day to walk on the beach without anything on your feet."

"Okay."

"Just thought I'll let you know."

"See you Beverly."

"See yah Gil."

He turns around and walks down the steps of her porch and heads for his mom's house. Halfway down the beach he takes his shoes and socks off and carries them for the rest of the way.

oooooooooo

He pulls up into his parking spot in front of his apartment. He ran up the steps and to his door. He goes to unlock it but it's already unlocked. He pushes the door open looking around and sees Sara sitting on his couch.

"How'd you get in here?"

"Your manager let me in."

"I really need to have a talk with that guy."

"About what?"

"About letting people into my apartment when I'm not here. You could have robbed me."

"Are you going to tell me where you've been? I was worried sick about you."

"You know normal people would still be sleeping right now."

"I'm not normal."

"Apparently so."

"And neither are you. So, where have you been all morning long?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

"Yes it is my business!"

She stands up and looks at him as he walks to his bedroom.

"Excuse me; my life is not your business Sara."

"Grissom, I'm here to make sure you're okay and to help you."

"I don't need your help. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Sara starts walking to his bedroom where his is at changing to take a shower. She gets there and looks over him while she leans up against the door frame. He has his back turned to her and he only has his shirt off.

"I think you do."

He jumps at hearing her so close to him. He turns around and stares at her, he looks practically fearful.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?"

"This isn't much of a room. There's nothing in here."

She can't help but looking at his bare chest and the scar in the middle of it. Gil sees her looking at him and quickly pulls his shirt up to hide himself from her.

"Can you please leave?! I need to take a shower."

"You don't need to be ashamed of it."

"What?"

"The scar, you don't need to be ashamed of it."

"I'm not."

He suddenly feels the aching pain in his chest again and his heart skips up a notch. He clenches his jaw and stares at her.

"Grissom, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know you didn't. I'm sorry, but you have to leave, please."

"Yeah, okay. I'll be in the living room."

"No, I mean, you need to _leave_."

"Grissom, I'm not going back to Vegas, not yet."

"Well, you should."

He goes into the bathroom and closes the door.

Sara stares at the door in disbelief. She shakes her head and walks out the room then out the apartment.

Gil stands by the door listening to here if she leaves. When she does he lets out a breath and leans up against it. The then tries to get the rest of his clothes off. He reaches for his zipper but his hands are shaking too bad that he can't grip it enough. He looks up at the mirror above the sink and looks at his face then he looks at the scar. The constant reminder of what happened to him months ago. He stops trying to grab the zipper and instead reaches for the sink to steady him self before he falls over. He barely touches the sink before his feels the loss of balance. His back impacts the floor so hard he knows that the people in the apartment below him heard it. He tries to reach for something to hold onto as he tries to stand up but before he got halfway up he falls forward and this time he doesn't know how hard he hit the tile, he lost consciousness on the way down.

TBC…


	23. Finding Grissom

Sara, after she left Gil's apartment, decided to talk with the manager and see if he'll keep an eye on Gil. She walks into his office and waits by the door. Mr. Ritter is sitting at his desk talking on the phone. He hangs it up and looks at Sara.

"You're friends with Grissom right?

"Yes.

"Good, the woman that lives below him says she heard some loud thumps on the floor above her bathroom. Were you just up there?

"Yeah, and he was fine when I left. He said he was going to take a shower.

"Well, I have to go there and check on him. You should come with me, the last time I went up there to see what was going on he slammed the door in my face.

He gets up and he and Sara head to Gil's apartment. They get to the door and Sara opens it.

"I guess he didn't lock it when I left.

They walk in and Sara immediately walks to the bathroom.

"Grissom, are you okay? Your neighbor called the managerÉGrissom?

"No answer?

She shakes her head no. She goes to open the door, but she can't get it open.

"There's something blocking the door.

She opens it as far as it'll go and looks down at the floor.

"Oh my God! Grissom!

She looks over at Mr. Ritter, who is still in the living room.

"Get an ambulance here, now!

He goes to the phone and calls the police. Sara stays at the door trying to talk to him and to wake him up.

oooooooooo

Catherine is just getting back from the lab when her cell rings.

"Willows.

"Catherine, it's Sara.

"Hey, how's Grissom?

"Well, that's what I'm calling about. He's in the hospital.

"What! What happened?

"I don't know, he collapsed in the bathroom after I left. I'm here at the hospital with him now. They're running tests on him and he's still unconscious. Anyway, I need you out here with him. I can't stay here anymore. He won't let me talk to him or anything; I think he'll be more comfortable around you. Can you come?

"Yeah, it looks like I have to. I'll tell my sister to keep Lindsey and I'll be on the first flight out there.

"Okay, thanks Catherine.

Catherine hangs up and then dials the airport.

oooooooooo

Sara walks back to the chair in the waiting room. She's not there for more then ten minutes before the doctor walks up to her.

"You brought Mr. Gil Grissom in?

"Yes, is he all right? Can I see him?

"He is still unconscious. We did some test and found nothing physically wrong with him.

"ButÉ?

"But, there is some cause for concern with him in other areas.

"You mean mentally?

"Has he been depressed lately? He has lost a significant amount of weight and he is extremely dehydrated.

"Um, I don't know. I don't live with him.

"Does he suffer from any attacks that you might know of, like, panic attacks?

"Like I said, I have no idea. He keeps everything to himself if he does. I have seen him get angry for no reason and defensive.

"He could be having attacks. I'm going to call his doctor in Vegas and get more information on him.

"Will he be okay?

"Yes, we are putting fluids in him right now. He should wake up sometime soon, but I want to keep him here for a while and observe him. Are you staying here?

"Yes, until his other friend gets here.

"Can you contact his family?

"Is that necessary?

"Not really but

"Then they don't need to be contacted.

The doctor looks at her for a moment and nods his head.

"Okay.

He turns and walks away, leaving Sara standing in the middle of the waiting area.

ooooooooo

It was almost the whole rest of the day until Gil woke up. He turns in the bed and barely opens his eyes. He looks around the room and instead of seeing Sara in the chair next to the bed, he sees Catherine.

"What are you doing here?

Catherine looks over at Gil and smiles.

"To see you. How are you?

He closes his eyes back and lets out a breath of air.

"From the looks and feel of it, not too good. Where's Sara?

"She left. Went back to Vegas, after she saved you life of course. You really scared her.

He stiffens up at the words.

"I didn't mean to. Is she okay?

"Yeah, just pretty angry and worried. I said I'd call as soon as you wake up.

"Why did she leave?

"You told her too.

He opens his eyes and looks at her.

"Since when does she listen to me?

"I guess since you yelled at her. You know, you really need to work on your people skills, especially around her.

He closes his eyes and but this time it's because on the pain shooting through his chest. His whole body winces at the throbbing pain.

"Gil, what's wrong?

He barely gets his clenched teeth open enough.

"Nothing.

"Like hell. What's wrong?

He can't catch his breath long enough to answer her. He starts to gasp for air rapidly and painfully. The pain in his chest intensifies and his eyes shoot open just in time to see Catherine get up out of the chair and goes to the door to get the doctor. He stares after her until he can't see her no more. His sight becomes blurry and he can't see anything clearly anymore. He tries to calm down but he can't control himself enough too. He lets out another gasp of breath and he closes his eyes again and tries to control the attack.

_I have to calm down and breathe. I have to calm downÉ I can't, I can't control this! I have to get away, out of here._

He tries to get up out of the bed but he feels someone holding him down.

_No, let me go I have to get out of here!_

He tries to break free from the grip on both his arms but he feels really weak. The pain in his chest is gone and he can breathe again and eventually he falls asleep.

Catherine looks over at the doctor who just injected Gil with some pain medication and sleep inducers.

"What just happened?

"That, Mrs. Willows, was a panic attack. Apparently he's been having them, a lot.

"Is this what caused him to pass out earlier?

"It could have been. Sara, the other woman the was here earlier, said that he lived with you after he got released from the last hospital he was in.

"That's right.

"Did you notice him experiencing any attacks?

"No, nothing like this. If he had them then, he was good at hiding it.

"Did you notice anything at all?

"I did notice that he got angry a lot quicker than usual andÉthere was this time when he broke one of my coffee cups.

"How?

"I don't know. I wasn't home at the time. I came back and he was leaving the bathroom with it, it was shattered. He said he dropped it, but

"You knew he was lying.

"Yeah. Other than that, I didn't notice anything. He's really good at hiding his emotions from people.

"I think he lets everything out when he's alone. Every time something happens like this, he's all by himself. I think he uses the anger to get rid of people when he knows an attack is coming on.

"So we won't know about them.

"Exactly. I'm probably going to have to release him tomorrow, I don't want him to be alone.

"I can stay with him, no problem.

"Good.

The doctor looks at Gil, who is fast asleep, then back at Catherine.

"He hasn't been eating or drinking much and from the looks of it, he hasn't been sleeping either.

"That's not new, but I'm sure it's worse than usual.

"He seems not to respond well to people telling him what to do

"How do you know that? It took at least a week for me to figure that out about him.

"I know the type. Anyway, I suggest not pushing him, let him come to you and talk.

"I tried that when he was living with me and he never did.

"Well, unless you want to be heading back to Vegas on a plane a day from now like Sara, I suggest you keep doing that.

"You got it. Anything else?

He looks back at Gil, "He's going to be going through a lot of progression, mentally and emotionally to get out of the hole he dug himself in, and he'll need someone there to help him through it, if not," He looks back at Catherine, "he might not make it. I would suggest therapy sessions, but Sara already told me he had plenty of them and they didn't help.

"HeÉdoesn't like people invading his personal life.

"You don't have to invade his personal life to understand him and help him get through this. You think you can do this?

"Yes, I do.

"Okay.

And with that, the doctor gets up and checks his vitals again then he leaves the room.

TBC


	24. The Call And The Reason

**A/N:**Okay, first off, I want to apologize for the weirdness of the last chapter. The computer I was using apparently didn't have the right internet or something to upload and decode it properly. Since that' finally settled, THANK YOU! Everyone for the reviews, I really love reading them. Here's the next chapter, I'll try to update tomorrow.

"You should get some rest Gil." Catherine says to him after they enter his apartment.

"I'm fine." He says as he walks to the couch and sits down.

"You want me to get you anything from the kitchen."

"No."

Catherine walks into the kitchen and goes through his fridge and cabinets. She finds a couple of bottles of water in the fridge and walks into the living room placing one in front of Gil.

"I said I didn't want anything." He says as he looks over at her.

"I know, but you might later."

She sits down beside him and leans back.

"Man, am I tired."

"You should get some sleep, Cath."

"What do you think I'm trying to do? Sara told me you have no bed yet, so this couch will do just fine."

He chuckles at her. She scoots down on the couch and places her legs over the coffee table. He then turns back to looking at the opposite wall where the T.V. is at.

"Are you ever going to get a bed?"

"I don't know. I wasn't expecting anyone to stay here. I guess I should go and buy one soon."

She looks over at him, a flashing light catches her eyes, the answering machine is flashing.

"You have a message Gil."

"Huh?" He says as he looks over at her.

"Your answering machine is flashing."

He looks over at the machine on the table, "Oh."

He reaches over and hits the 'Play' button.

The voice he hears on his machine makes him almost stop breathing. It is his aunt, through the trembling voice he makes out what she called for, his father was in the hospital and it was serious. Gil can feel the contraction in his lungs as he tries to catch his breath. His head is suddenly pounding with pain. The feel of Catherine's arms on him breaks through his mind and he turns to her. She has one arm on his back and the other on his shoulder and he can see her talking to him but nothing is getting through.

"Gil, are you okay? You have to breathe, you hear me, breathe or you're going to pass out again."

He just stares at her, trying to read her lips or make his ears work to hear her but the pain and pounding in his head is too loud and his eyes won't focus. He suddenly gets up and walks to the bedroom and closes the door.

"Gil!"

Catherine walks after him and is about to go into the room, but as she tries to turn the knob, it won't move.

"Gil, unlock the door, please!"

While Catherine is pounding on the door, Gil is in the bathroom off the bedroom. The door is closed and he is sitting up against the wall. He barely made it to the half bathroom before he felt his stomach lurch. He hears Catherine finally give up with pounding the door. He hears her outside the door, talking.

_She must be on her cell phone._

He gets up and rinses his mouth and exits the bathroom. He leans up against the door and listens to what Catherine is saying. At the mention of his Aunt's name he straightens up and flings open the door.

"Are you talking to my Aunt?"

"Uh, hang on." She says into the phone then turns to Gil who is standing in the doorway. "Yes I am. I'm finding out how your father is, if you don't mind."

"I do mind Catherine. Give me the phone."

"No! I'm inthe middle of a conversation."

Without warning he snatches the phone out of her hands and puts it to his ear.

"Hello, Aunt Patty. Yes, I know, I got your message…no, I won't put Catherine back on. Tell my mom I'll be there and that I love her. Okay, bye."

He hangs up the phone and hands it back to Catherine. "Here."

He closes the door again and locks it.

"What are you doing?"

He unlocks the door and walks pass her with a change of clothes. "I'm taking a shower and changing."

He goes into the other bathroom off the hall and closes the door. Catherine is still furious at him grabbing her phone like that, but she lets out a breath of air and some of the frustration. She walks back into the kitchen and starts making something to eat.

oooooooooo

After Gil showered and they ate, they left for the hospital. They get there and Gil immediately walks up to the nurse's station.

"I'm here to see my father, James Grissom."

The nurse looks down then back up at him, "Are you Gil?"

"Yes." He reaches in his back pocket and pulls out his ID and shows it to the nurse.

"All right, you need to sign in and get a visitor ID."

He quickly signs his name and gets an ID.

"Is she with you?" The nurse says as she looks at Catherine.

Gil looks back at Catherine, like he forgot she was even there, "Yes, does she need to sign in too?"

"Yes, and she needs an ID too."

Catherine signs in and accepts the ID. As she and Gil are walking to the elevators Catherine turns to him.

"Wow, I don't think I seen such security at a hospital."

Gil turns his head and looks at her, "This isn't a regular hospital and my father isn't aregular guy."

"What does that suppose to mean?"

He turns back to looking at the walls as he goes up to the elevator. Once on the third floor he turns back to Catherine.

"Listen Cath." He stops her and turns her toward him. "I don't like my father much and he's done a lot in his life to make menot likehim for the rest of mine. So, just...I-I just needed to tell you that."

"Okay."

He nods his head and after a moment he starts walking again. Catherine follows him, holding her breath debating if she should continue with this or not. From the look she saw in his eyes, she knew that this might turn out very ugly.

The room his father isin is at the end of the long hall. Sitting outside the doors is his mom and aunt. Gil walks up to them and immediately his mom gets up and they embrace. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him in as far as he'll go. He just lets her do it and tries not to put too much weight into her. Catherine introduces herself to his aunt and she the same. Finally, after Gil and his mom let go of each other, he introduces them. He introduces Catherine to her in sign language and speaks it at the same time.

"Catherine, this is my mom, Val. Mom, this is Catherine."

Catherine, after being around Gil enough, learned how to say some basic things in sign language, so she said her "Hello" to his mom in sign and she returned the same.

Gil, after several greetings and small talk, takes his mom aside to talk to her alone.

"What exactly happened mom?"

'He came here for some treatments and he went unconscious during one. The doctors tried to revive him…Gil?'

"What?"

'They don't think he'll ever wake up. I'm sorry, but this is it. They said he was so far along that he was going to die within the year, but since he went into the coma they're saying that it could be within the next day or two.'

He stares at his mom. He swallows hard and turns away from her. His mother looks at him, she'd seen that look before, she knew that he still cares about him. She taps him on the shoulder and he turns back and looks at her.

'Oh Gil, baby. I know what you've felt for him, but I know you still care for him and its okay.'

He looks down at the floor. She lifts his chin up and looks at him. He looks at her through watery eyes.

'What's wrong? You still can't forgive him, can you? Why, Gil? I have.'

"I-I can't."

'He's your father.'

"That's why it's so hard for me too."

He turns away and walks down the hall. Catherine is about to get up and go after him when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns her head and looks at his aunt.

"Let him go. He needs to be alone right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Believe me. You don't want to get between this. It's between him and his father."

"What happened between them two?"

"That's not for me to say dear. The only way you'll know that is when he tells you."

"You think he will?"

"He'll tell someone, sooner or later."

Catherine looks down the hall at Gil who is almost at the end of the hall already. Gil, instead of going to the elevators, he turns the other way and continues down the other hall.

"See, he's not going anywhere. He'll be back. He has to make peace with his father one way or the other."

TBC…


	25. Closure With His Father

****

A/N: First off, I'm so sorry for not updating sooner, the truth is, I dropped off the face of the earth and just found my way back on it....just kidding, lol. No, what really happened was, well, time and the fact that I didn't have enough of it to do everything I wanted to do, until now. Thanks for the reviews, I really do appreciate them!! Okay, here's another chapter. Hope you like it.

After not seeing Gil for the last ten minutes Catherine is getting tired of waiting for him. She turns her head to look at his Aunt.

"I'll be back. I'm going to walk around."

She gets up and starts walking. His aunt calls after her.

"When you find him don't push him, then he'll never talk."

Catherine half turns and looks at her.

"Will do." She turns and starts walking again.

She wanders around the hospital looking for Gil. On the way she noticed that there are a lot of military officers around. She checks the cafeteria, the waiting rooms, she even peeked in all the men's restrooms she came upon. She is about to give up when she walks by the room she calls the "praying room".

__

He wouldn't be in there, would he? I think he never goes to church, well, this isn't a church but it's close enough. I'll just check anyway.

She slowly opens the door a looks in. She looks around and her eyes fall on the only occupant in the room. She can't see his face but she knows who it is, who else has hair like that. She slowly walks in and shuts the door behind her. She quietly walks up to the three set of seats that he's in and sits down next to him.

Gil doesn't look at her. He knows that she sat down next to him but he doesn't take his eyes off the floor. He came in here just to get away from them and he thought at that time that Catherine especially wouldn't look for him in here.

Catherine looks at the candles and wall that is in front of her. She suddenly feels very uncomfortable being in here with him. She feels that she should get up and leave but she forces herself to stay there. After five minutes of silence Gil finally looks over at her but he keeps his head down.

"How are they?"

"Your mom is pretty worried about you but she's holding up. She was sitting with your father when I left to find you. Your aunt is doing good, she knows that you're okay, well, at least for now."

He smirks a little. "She's always thinks that. That I'll always be all right no matter what."

He looks back down at the floor. "Has his status changed?"

"A little, he's slowly losing the battle by the hour. The doctor said that it'll be anytime now."

Gil's face tightens up and he closes his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He says between slightly clenched teeth. "I just wish that everyone will stop asking me that."

"Sorry, I can't help but worry."

"I..I know." He opens his eyes back up and looks at her.

"Do you know where we are?"

"No, not at all. I probably would know if I hadn't fallen asleep in the ride over here."

He laughs to himself, "Well, I know by now that you seen some military officers around here."

"Yeah, are we on a military base?"

"Good guess."

"So, your father is in the military."

"No, wrong guess. He was never in the military."

"Then...why is he here?"

"He, is to be guarded at all times and this was the highest security hospital that they can put him in that's closest to where he lives."

"Why?"

"You are curious, aren't you?"

"You can't just say that and not have someone ask why?"

He lifts his head up and rests it on the back of the seat. He turns his head and looks at her.

"It's a long story and I really don't feel like telling it right now."

"You can't just do that." She says playfully, she gives him a smile and mimics his position, "At least give me a hint."

He thinks about it for a second, "Okay, my father was in the import/export business."

"Okay, so?"

"With communist China."

"Oh, oh. What happened to him."

"Cath, I said I didn't want to talk about it."

"Is that it?"

He turns and looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head "no", "No, that's not all of it, but that's why he's here, not the reason I can't forgive him. I mean...I did forgive him for that, it was the business he was in and some wrong decisions he and his business partner made, but that's not what he did to make me, I don't know what I feel towards him anymore, but I do know that I can't forgive him."

"Do you hate him Gil?"

He looks confused all of a sudden, he never thought of that.

"I, I don't think so."

"Then there's hope for forgiveness, don't you think?"

He stops and thinks of this, then he says, "My words fly up, my thoughts remain below, words without thoughts never to heaven go."

"What's that from?"

"Hamlet. The King kneels and prays not so much for forgiveness for killing his brother, but rather that he will get away with it. Hamlet comes in, unseen by the King, and thinks about killing the King at prayer. He doesn't because he fears that the King will then go to heaven. The King then rises from prayer, never seeing Hamlet, and utters those words, revealing his own knowledge that his prayer is invalid, they're just words but no true feelings of remorse." He turns to Catherine, "If I say I forgive him or if I pray for forgiveness for him, or even for myself, that's what I'm doing. I'm just saying words that don't mean anything, so why should I say them."

Catherine is the one that now looks confused. "Um, I don't know Gil, but if I were you I might consider at least saying them so that your mom will feel better."

"Then I'll be lying to her and to him."

"Would you rather lie and have your mom think that you're able to forgive a man, your father, on his death bed, or for her to think that her son is too stubborn and too damn careless to do that."

Gil turns away and stares at the ceiling again. Catherine realizes that she pushed him, maybe too hard this time.

"Gil, I'm sorry for saying that. I know that you care, maybe you care too much about this and you don't know how to get through this or what to feel about it, but at least consider that. Not for your sake but for your mom, you can figure it out later, but for now put yourself in your mom's place. What do you think this will do to her if you don't do this?"

Catherine waits for a minute to see if he says anything. When he doesn't she gets up and heads out the room. Gil stays sitting, looking at the ceiling until she's gone. When he hears the door close and knows that no one is in the room, he lets himself cry, just a little.

oooooooooo

Catherine finds her way back to the room where Gil's father is in. She takes her seat next to his aunt again and looks at the wall.

"So, did you find him?"

"Yes." She turns to her, "Why is he so stubborn?"

His aunt laughs, "That's just Gil, he's always been that way. He gets it from his mom."

"I can tell, but I just kind of wished he'd gotten your optimism as well."

"I hoped for that too, but I knew that he would be one of those types that when something happens in his life that is bad that he'll always expect the worst."

"You and Val are Catholics, right?"

"Yes, and his father."

"But now Gil isn't."

She takes a deep breath and looks at Catherine, "What happened to take away Gil's faith in religion has nothing to do with his father. I want to blame it mostly on the church itself, but I know that Gil and someone else was responsible for it too. That again Ms. Willows, is not for me to say."

"Man, and I wish you were the gossip type."

"I am but I made a promise to Val and to Gil that I wouldn't and I always keep my promises." She looks pass Catherine, "And speaking of that stubborn man, here he comes."

Catherine turns and sees Gil walking towards them. He walks right by them and goes straight into the hospital room.

Catherine looks over at his aunt, "Well, this will be interesting."

They stand up and lean as close to the door as they can get. Just then Val walks out of the room and look at the two women. She shakes her head in mock disapproval.

'Leave him alone, he wants to be in private.' She closes the door to the room and turns to the women, 'Now, you can lean against the door. Make sure you tell me what's being said.'

Catherine and Patty smile at Gil's mom and they both lean up against the door.

Inside the room, Gil sits down in the chair next to his fathers bed. He has his eyes closed as he gains his composure. He hears the beeping of the monitors and the slow breathing of the man laying in the bed next to him. He finally opens his eyes and looks at him. His face twists up in many different emotions: confusion, pain, fear, sadness, and surprisingly pity. He actually feels sorry for his father which caught him completely off guard.

"I...I." He stops and looks down, he can't bare to look at him.

"I always thought that if this day ever came that you'll be awake to hear it." He takes a deep breath, "I, I've missed you believe it or not. You were never there for me but when you were you showed me a lot. You showed me how much you didn't appreciate me or wanted me in your life. You showed me how much you never loved my mom and myself."

He finally looks up and meets his father's closed eyes.

"The last time we spoke you tried to make peace with me by telling me if I ever found someone that I'll be a better husband and father than you. I remember thinking "How in the hell is that supposed to happen when I've never experienced or seen one day of that from you." Now, I'm supposed to sit here and tell you that I forgive you because you have hours maybe minutes to live. Well, I do, okay. I forgive you for not being the father I needed and for not being the man and husband you were supposed to be for my mom, I'm just sorry that you'll never hear it and know it. I'm the man I am today not because of you, but because of my mom, but still, she wasn't enough to show a man how to be one, that was left up to you and you failed. I can't even begin to show my friends my true feelings yet alone the person I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with and one of the reasons why is you, and that, I can't forgive."

He stands up and looks down at his father. He leans over grabs his hand and gives it a little squeeze, "I'm sorry." He then straightens back up and is about to let go then he leans down to his ear, "I...I love you, dad."

He lets go of his hand and starts to leave the room, on his way he passes a mirror and catches a glimpse of his reflection. He hadn't noticed until now that he had been cry. He reaches up and wipes his eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths and then he opens the door.

TBC...


	26. His Place In The Sand

**A/N:** Again I want to apologize for not updating when I said I would and I'm sorry to keep everyone waiting so long for the next chapter, life is kind of crazy right now, but hey, at least I have a chapter for you now. Thanks again for the reviews and all my dedicated readers, lol. I really do appreciate it.

He opens the door and runs face-to-face with Catherine and to find his aunt signing to his mother. He looks at all of them, stunned. Everyone in the hall turns and looks at him. He shifts his glaze from Catherine to his aunt and mom then back to Catherine. He just stares at her in disbelief.

"Catherine?'

"…Gil, I'm…"

"Sorry. This was private, if I wanted everyone to know what I said I would have kept the door open!"

"Gil, calm down." He hears his aunt say, almost right next to him.

He looks at his aunt for a moment then back at Catherine. He shakes his head and lets out a deep breath as he turns and walks away from them and heads down the hall.

"Gil. Gil!" Catherine says as she takes off after him.

She follows him down the hall and to the elevators. He is already there waiting. She walks up beside him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

"Now. You can't leave now."

"Yes I can."

"Well you can't leave without me. You're my ride."

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys to the truck.

"Here." He hands them to her.

"What…?"

"I'll take a cab."

"Look, I'm sorry about listening in on you, okay. Just…you can at least let me drive you back home."

"I'm not going to my apartment."

"I'll drive you to wherever you are going."

He looks at the elevator doors as they open.

"Okay."

oooooooooooo

Catherine was surprised at first to where Gil told her to take him, but now, watching him walk from the SUV to his place in the sand, she understands. She sits in the driver's seat debating on whether to join him or not.

He stands looking out into the depths of the ocean, but he doesn't see the water. Instead, he sees the hospital and his father laying in that bed.

_He could be dead right now. He could have passed while I was on my way out here._

He frowns at that thought. He suddenly hears someone coming up beside him and he turns his head and looks at Catherine.

She looks out at the horizon. "This place is beautiful."

He nods, "Yes, it is."

He turns back and looks back at the ocean, seeing it for the first time since they arrived. He feels his legs starting to give out so he sits down and pulls his knees up to his chin. Catherine sits down next to him. She suddenly hears a small whisper come from him, so she turns and faces him.

"What?" She says in almost a whisper herself.

Gil doesn't look at her but instead he keeps his eyes locked with the water, "I'm sorry, for getting angry like that…I apologize Cath."

"Apology accepted, but I don't think you needed to apologize. I'm the one who should apologize."

"You already did."

He turns his head and lays it on his knees, facing Catherine.

"You want me to talk to you, don't you?"

"Only if you want to."

He laughs, "Yeah right. I know that inside you're screaming at me."

She laughs and looks over at him, "You know me too well, but I don't want to push you."

"You, push, never."

"Hey!"

He laughs again.

"Well, at least you're laughing again."

He smiles at her and closes his eyes.

"Tired?"

"Tired is an understatement. I'm exhausted."

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No. I want to stay here."

"On the beach?"

"Yep."

He lays back in the sand and stretches out his

"Gil, you're going to get wet."

"Its just water."

He continues laying there looking up at he sky for a while. He then turns and looks at Catherine. She's leaning back in the sand with her eyes on the horizon watching the sun slowly falling.

"I was terrified."

She turns and looks at him.

"I've never been so terrified in my whole life. And it wasn't because I thought I was going to die, it was because someone else was going to kill me. I never wanted to die by the hand of another person. One of the reasons was because I didn't want you guys to have to go through that, finding me...murdered. Then, when I thought you and the team were dead, that Bryan blew up the lab, it didn't matter anymore. When he took me to the cabin, I laid in that room all night watching the moon and thinking that at least my team wasn't going to be the one's to find me or live with it the rest of their lives that they couldn't find me. I also thought about my mom and what she'd do if I never came home again, or if I was ever found while she was still alive. I couldn't think about that too long because it hurt me too bad I couldn't stand the thought. I thought that if I was dead I wouldn't have to worry about anything, and I liked that, I didn't want to worry about anything ever again. It would have been the easy way out without doing it myself."

He stops for a moment and looks away from Catherine and back up at the sky.

"I don't think that anymore. At least, I don't think I do." He starts laughing to himself. "That sounded weird didn't it." He stops and thinks for a second, "I just needed time to think about things Catherine. Away from everything and one. And since being here, I was able to do that, think."

"Are you any closer to figuring out what you're going to do?"

He looks over at her, "I'm not as confused anymore, but, I'm not ready to go back, if that's what you're asking."

"Yeah, I didn't think you were, I'm glad you're feeling better."

He smiles at her, "I think seeing my family helped, a lot…and finally being able to tell my father everything was a big help too. I think a lot of the things that are bothering my now has nothing to do with Bryan. I already dealt with that. What I haven't dealt with are the thoughts and events that happened to me before all that happened."

"What do you mean? This was happening before you were taken?"

He stares at her for a moment, "Yes, it has. I've, been having suicidal thoughts before I was taken, even more after but that was expected, I guess. If you would have seen my house, especially my room before it was destroyed you would have known just how bad I was losing it then…The coffee cup at your house wasn't the first time I throw a cup, I hardly had any cups left in my house, I broke my mirror, I had a hole in my wall…I think that was it."

"And you never talked to anyone before? Gil, I know you have problems talking with therapist, but hell, you should have seen someone."

He looked away from her and stared back at the sky.

"I'm talking to you now."

The sound of Catherine's cell phone interrupts her from saying anything. She grabs it out of her pocket and looks at the name displayed.

"Gil, it's your aunt."

He looks at her and she hands him the phone. He flips it on.

"Hello."

TBC…


	27. Cath And Beverly And Gil

**A/N:** Hey, I'm actually updating only a day after my last update! You all should be proud, lol. Anyway, thanks Ming and Zeilfanaat, you guys rock! And to all others who have read and reviewed, you guys rock too!! Heck, everyone on here rocks! Also, me and my roommate are writing a fan fiction together, it's called "Dead Girl on Campus", so read and review that one too. It's a little different since she's doing a lot of the writing but it's funny and good and mysterious and, and, everything else…lol. So review it Please!! She needs the inspiration too!!!!

"Hello."

"Gil, this is Patty."

"I know. What's going on?"

"I don't know how to…"

"Just say it. He passed didn't he?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. He just now went. You're mom is fine, she's talking to the doctor now, but when she's done we're going to get everything settled then go home. She wants you to came over tonight."

"Okay, tell her I'll be there…and tell her that I love her and I'm sorry for leaving like that."

"Don't worry dear, she already knows. See you later Gil."

"Bye, hey…love you too."

His aunt was silent for a moment, "…Thank you, I love you too."

"I know I've never said that to you before, but I do."

"I've always known, see you later."

"Okay, bye,"

He flips the phone shut and turns to Catherine, who has tears running down her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, it just…I've never heard you so…"

"Don't get use to it."

She smiles and takes the phone away from him.

"Is that how you feel about us, your team?"

He looks at her and a smile spread across his face, "Yeah, I do. I appreciate every signal one of you guys…and, I guess, I love you guys too."

Catherine suddenly wraps her arms around him and gives him a hug.

"Uh, Cath, I can't really breathe."

She pulls away, "Sorry, it's just…"

"Like I said, don't get use to it. Just like sharing, this doesn't happen too often."

She laughs, "Yeah, but when it does, it's great."

He nods his head. Just then a voice comes from behind them.

"So, got yourself a new friend?"

Gil looks over his shoulder at the brunette.

"Hey Beverly! Um, actually, this is my friend from Vegas. Catherine this is Beverly, we went to high school together."

Catherine stands up and shakes her hand, "Uh, hi. I didn't know Gil knew anyone here."

Gil stands up and looks at the two women.

"We meet the second day he was here. He was getting soaked by the waves, and didn't care."

"Like today."

"Catherine, you're his best friend with a daughter."

"Yeah, he'd talk to you about me, well, us, at the lab."

"Yeah, and many other things. Hey, do you want to come to my house for a while? My couch is probably better than the sand."

Catherine looks over at Gil. He nods his head at her and turns to Beverly, "Sure, why not."

ooooooooooooo

A soon as they walk into her house, Gil smells food cooking.

"What are you making?"

"Not me. Kelley is making supper tonight."

Catherine looks around the kitchen, "Kelley, she's your daughter?"

"Yeah, 16, and driving me crazy."

"I know the feeling. Which reminds me, I need to call my daughter, can I…"

"Have privacy? Sure. I'll go see what our friend is doing in the living room."

"Thanks."

Catherine sits down in the kitchen and pulls out her phone to call Lindsey. Beverly left the kitchen and walked into the living room to find Gil. She looks around and doesn't see him anywhere.

"Gil?"

She wonders around the house looking for him. She has no luck. She is about to give up when she looks out her side door. Gil and Kelley are sitting on the porch talking. She walks up to the screen and watches them.

"So, anyway," Kelley is saying, "I decided since I've kept blowing off my mom that I'd spend the day with her and make supper. I think she appreciates it. "

"She does. I don't think you two are drifting apart like you may think. I've seen worse."

"I know, it's just sometimes, I dunno. I think I'm just scared, of the future."

"Now, you're scared now. Wait till it gets here, you'll be terrified and be wishing you were 16 again."

They both laugh.

"You know. You only have so much time with your parents before one day you wake up and realize that there is no next time with them. Now, you can say, "Oh, I'll talk to her tomorrow.", but when tomorrow isn't here no more…I don't think you'll want to have that regret."

"Like you? I'm sorry, I get my bluntness from my mom."

"That's okay. I do have a little regret, but nothing that I can't live with."

"That's good. I'm sorry for talking your ear off. You probably came out here to get away from that and I-"

"Hey, no problem. Actually, you've helped me."

"Really!"

"Yes, you did."

"Well, now I'm glad I was here."

"But like I said, you need to talk to your mom. She needs more than you just cooking supper every now and then."

"You're right, and, you've helped me too. I kind of wish you were here sooner, saved us from some problems. "

"I do what I can."

"I better go and check on the food, before I burn the house down."

Kelley stands up, "You know, you're not to bad at this "talking thing"."

"I think today is an off day for me. I've never been this good with words before."

She laughs a little, "Yeah, that could be it."

She walks to the screen door and opens it. Her mom is standing several feet away in the living room.

"I know you heard us, so don't even pretend you didn't."

Beverly smiles at her, "I wasn't going to. I thought about it…so, what do you need to talk to me about?"

"I'll tell you over supper. I promise."

She walks up to her and gives her a kiss on the cheek, "I have food to prepare."

She then walks off into the kitchen just as Catherine walks out. Catherine and Kelley exchange greetings. Kelley goes into the kitchen and Catherine walks over to Beverly with two cups of coffee in her hands.

"Where's Gil?"

"Sitting on the porch. I think he needs time to himself. Oh, how's your daughter?"

"Great. She's missing me, but she and my sister are having a good time. Lindsey's on break so they've been hanging out all day shopping."

"Sounds like they're having a good time."

They both walk to the couch and sit down. Catherine sits the cups down on the table.

"I brought one for Gil, but you can have it. I don't want to disturb him."

The two women sit on the couch talking while they wait for supper to be done or Gil to come back in, which ever comes first. After about ten minutes the screen door opens and Gil walks through the door. He looks at the two on the couch. They stop in mid-conversation and look at him.

"Uh, some guy is here."

"Who?"

"He says his name's Ray."

"Ray! My ex-husband's here?"

She gets off the couch and walks to the door. A man looking older than Gil, with graying hair and wearing a suit is standing on the porch.

"Hi, Ray. What are you doing here?"

Beverly says as she opens the door and walks out onto the porch.

"I was in town and thought I'll drop by. It's good to see you. Is Kelley here?"

"She's in the kitchen." She turns to go in and get her when Catherine says from the door that she'd get her. Beverly turns back around and looks at her ex.

"So, why are you here?"

"To get Kelley. I want her to live with me."

Beverly stares at him in disbelief. Just then Kelley walks out onto the porch.

"Hey dad! You made it!"

Beverly turns to Kelley.

"What's going on? Kelley?"

"I said I'll talk about it over supper, with you and dad here."

Beverly looks back at the doorway where Gil is standing. He looks at her and then Catherine, then back at her.

"So, this is what you Kelley were talking about?"

TBC…..

Sorry, but I have to go, but I'll update the rest when I get back, promise.


	28. The Apology

A/N: Hey, I updated again when I said I would. You guys are probably flipping out, lol. So here's chapter 28 for you all.

Gil stands looking at her dumbfounded by what to say. Catherine turns and looks at Gil, in disbelief.

"You knew about this and didn't tell her?"

"…I…I just fond out not to long ago myself."

"You still should have said something."

"Kelley said she was."

Catherine shakes her head at him. Beverly walks back into the house and pass Catherine and Gil and goes straight to her room and closes the door.

"You're in for it now."

Gil looks back at Catherine then out onto the porch. Kelley looks at her dad then back at Gil.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything to you Gil-"

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

Kelley and her dad walk into the house and goes into the kitchen, while Catherine turns back to Gil.

"What are we going to do?"

"I think I have to apologize…I don't know what to say."

Catherine rolls her eyes at him, "Typical."

She pulls Gil by the arm and leads him to Beverly's room. They stop in front of it.

"Here, you go in there and apologize and I'll go talk to them in the kitchen."

"Cath-"

"I can't help you with this Gil. She trusted you, just like you trusted her. I can't fix this."

She leaves him in front of the bedroom door staring after her as she goes into the kitchen. He turns and looks at the door. He takes a deep breathe and knocks on it.

"Yes." He hears muffled from the other side.

"Beverly, it's Gil. Can I come in?"

There was a moment of silence then he hears, "Yeah."

He lets out the breath and opens the door. He peeks around the door at Beverly who is laying on the bed. He walks slowly in and shuts the door. He stands by the door while he talks.

"I'm sorry. I should have came in after Kelley did and told you that she'd been calling her dad. I didn't know that it was a big deal, and I, I'm just sorry. You trusted me and I blew it…"

"Gil."

"Yeah."

"It's okay."

"It is." He says confused.

"Yeah, I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. You didn't know or realize."

She gets up and sits on the side of the bed. Gil takes that as a request for him to sit next to her. He walks over to the bed and sits down next to her.

"I told you about Ray, didn't I?"

"All you said was that you divorced ten years ago."

"We, aren't good friends. Since the divorce he kept trying and trying to take my kids away from me. My son, David, he left when he graduated high school and went to New York to go to school. He said he wanted to be around his dad since he hardly saw him after the divorce. Ray kept saying that Kelley would be next to go live with him. I messed up with David by working all the time and not being there for him. So, with Kelley, I've been trying my hardest to keep her here. I quit my job with the firm to be here for her and I guess that still didn't work. All this time I thought it was because I worked all the time, but from the looks of it I'm just a bad mother."

Gil looks at her in sympathy, "Don't say that. You're a great mother."

"Then why is Kelley leaving?"

Gil just looks at her, "I'm not the one to tell you. Look, when I was talking to her on the porch, she was so sad that she's going to leave, but she'd be back. She just hasn't seen her dad in years and she'd thought that it'll be a good time to go and see him and New York, but she'd be back to finish school here."

"Then leave after she graduates to go back to New York, right?"

"No, actually, she said she wanted to go to UNLV because they have a good biology department."

"What? Vegas, is she nuts."

"Hey! Vegas has a good school, and it's a good city, well…maybe I'm not the best judge of the goodness of Vegas."

"Well, you live there so it can't be that bad."

He smiles, "See, it's not that bad. Plus, it'll give us an excuse to keep in touch after I leave."

"So, you are going back."

"Yeah, I guess I always knew I would, I just didn't know when…still don't know when."

"But it's soon?"

"I'm doing a lot better."

"What about your attacks?"

"I haven't had one since the other day. I think that I might need to see someone professionally."

"Well, I hate to tell you know, but in a way you have been."

"What do you mean?"

"That's what my new career change is, I'm a therapist."

Gil stares at her, "You're a what?"

"A therapist…Gil, are you okay?"

He shakes his head no and gets up.

"Gil!"

"I'm sorry. I need to go…I…I just realized I have to go."

He opens the door and walks straight to the kitchen.

"Catherine, come on we have to go."

"Now?"

"Yeah, come on."

He leaves the house and is already walking down the beach when Catherine finally catches up to him.

"What in the hell was that about? I barely had time to say goodbye before I had to fly out the door after you."

"I'll tell you later. "

"Where are we going?"

"Uh, to my mom's. She told us to came by."

TBC…

Sorry for leaving it off here, but I have to run again. Today is a pretty busy day, lol. Please read and review!! Thanks.


	29. The Talk With Cath

**A/N:** Hey everyone, sorry I didn't update yesterday. It's finals week so I've been studying and doing all kinds of stuff so I'll pass my tests…anyway, so if I don't update for a while you'll know why. Here's another chapter. Oh, and thanks everyone for reading and reviewing, I really do appreciate it.

Gil sits in the passenger seat of his truck, staring out the window to his mom's house. They arrived there just five minutes before but his mom and aunt aren't home yet. Catherine is waiting patiently in the driver's seat. She looks over at him debating on whether to push him or not, to see what in the world made him suddenly leave his friends house. She lets out a sigh and finally decides to say something.

"What happened?"

He looks over at her, confused. "What?"

"What happened? Back there at the house?"

He turns his glaze back to the window. He thinks of a moment then turns back to her.

"Nothing, really."

"Nothing. What happened back there was nothing? Gil, you stormed out of that place like it was on fire."

He stares at her for a moment, "I was just…I remembered about my aunt telling me to come over. I didn't want to be late."

"Gil, we are probably an hour early. It was a long drive from that base and you have no idea what time they left, if they left."

"I-"

"Gil, save it. You've never been a good liar, especially to me."

He stops trying to explain and looks back out the window to the house. He hears the driver's door open and looks at Catherine.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to sit on the porch."

She climbs out of the truck and shuts the door. She walks up to the porch and sits down on the porch swing. Gil stares after her then he grabs his keys out of the ignition and goes up to sit with her. He sits down next to her and scoots down on the swing. Rocking the seat slowly he looks over at Catherine.

"I shouldn't have tried to lie to you. I'm sorry."

"You know, you've been doing a lot of apologizing today."

He raises an eyebrow at her then smirks, "Yeah, well, I told you I'm having an off day."

"I guess."

He stares back out on the street and looks to his right and stares at the horizon as the sun just disappears from sight.

"Looks like we missed a beautiful sunset."

Catherine looks over at him then pass him to see the horizon. The night sky takes the place of the purple and orange sky that they saw only minutes before.

"Yeah. This place really is beautiful. The next time I decide to come to California I'll bring Lindsay with me."

"She'd love it here."

He looks at Catherine, "Do you think I'll make a good father?"

Catherine stares at Gil.

"…Um, I…where did that come from?"

"I've been thinking about it lately-"

"What? Becoming a father?"

"Not becoming a father, well, yes…but just hypothetically speaking?"

"Well, hypothetically speaking, I think if you ever become a dad, you'll be a good one."

"Really? You think so?"

"Yeah, I mean, Gil you are a great person. Lindsey adores you, and the team loves and respects you and not just because of what you do for the lab but because you are our their

friend."

"I wouldn't go far to say that they love me-"

"Gil, listen to me. They love you as a friend, a boss, and most importantly as a person. You have problems with showing them that you feel the same for them, but they have no problem showing it to you. You just don't ever really see it."

"That's what I'm worried about."

"What?"

"A child needs the parent to show love Cath. They need to be able to see how much they are loved and valued and cared for. If I don't know how to show the people I work for that, without sticking my neck out for them, then how is a child suppose to know. Not everything is showed by a person's actions. If I can't talk to people how can I talk to my child, or if I get married, my wife?"

Catherine stares at him and thinks about all this, "Well, you're talking to me now, right?"

"Yeah, but only after I hit a wall Cath. Hell, this is more than a wall, I fell and I fell hard. I can't do this if I have a family. I can't pretend nothings wrong until I write my suicide note-"

"You wrote a suicide note?"

He stops and looks at her. _Shit._

"Gil? Did you?"

"…I…"

"You did. Didn't you?"

He gets up and walks to the edge of the porch. Catherine looks at the back of him.

"I knew you thought about it but I had no idea you wrote a note."

"It's not important."

"Yes it is. You know as well as I do that suicide notes explain a lot of why the person did it. What caused them to finally give in and do it, especially people in law enforcement…where is it?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me Gil, the note?"

He turns and leans back against the railing. He looks up at her.

"It's in my truck. The glove box, it was the envelope I left in the truck."

"The one I decided not to read because you said it didn't say anything?"

He nodded his head.

Catherine gets up and walks close to him. He looks down at the floor. Catherine pulls him into a hug. They hug for a while until Gil breaks it free.

"You want to read the letter don't you?"

"Yes, but it's okay, if you don't-"

"Save it Cath. You can read it."

"Are you sure?"

He looks up at her, "Yeah, well, someone has to right? I guess it might as well be you."

Catherine looks at him, "Do you even remember what it says?"

He thinks for a second, 'No, not really. I was really out of it when I wrote it."

"Is that why you came here? Were you going to do it here?"

He stares at Catherine, trying to hide the answer in his eyes, to no success. Catherine raises her hand up to her mouth.

"Gil…"

"I couldn't do it in Vegas. I didn't want my best friends to be the ones to find me and have to collect the evidence."

"I…I guess I can understand that. Why didn't you?"

"Truthfully, I never had time to."

Catherine can't hide her grin, "Man, even on vacation you're busy."

He smiles, "Yeah, I suppose."

"I thought about it my first night here, but I ended up passing out on the bathroom floor and I still don't remember how that happened. Then I ended up at the beach when I ran into Beverly for the first time…"

At the mention of her name he trailed off and looked down at the floor.

"Gil? What about her? Did she do something?"

He shook his head, "No, nothing, it's just that…"

"What?"

He looks back up at Catherine, "She told me when we first talked she said that she was changing careers, I never asked her what she was changing it too. She should have told me though…"

"Told you what?"

"That she's a therapist."

Catherine stares at Gil, "Oh. Why is this a bad thing? She can help you then-"

"No she can't!"

At the sudden rise in Gil's voice Catherine stares at him in confusion.

"Hey, I know that you feel weird around therapist, but you trust her right? Isn't that what it was always about, the trust issue?"

He shakes his head and walks away from her. He walks off the porch and around the house to the side where the small balcony is and leans against it and looks out at the view of the ocean. Catherine follows him around the house and stops beside him.

"What is wrong with you? Can you stand in one spot?"

"Is that supposed to make me laugh?"

"Ouch, okay that failed. Fine, is this better, what the hell is going on?"

He looks at her, "Cath. I want to be alone now, that's why I walked away."

"Right now, I don't care. This is really bugging me that I get so close then you push me away again. Why can't you just say it?"

"Because…Catherine, it's not that easy to say, okay?"

"I bet you didn't have a hard time writing it down."

She turns to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"To your truck."

He pushes himself off the balcony and walks after her. He gets in front of her.

"Cath!"

"What now? One minute you say I can read your letter, now I can't."

"Yes."

"Well too bad Gil. Either you're going to tell me or the letter is. Choose."

He stares at her, bewildered, "Fine."

"What?"

"I'll, I'll tell you."

TBC…


	30. The Ex

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay in the update, I had a lot of studying to do, and I'm still not done, but I have time for you all. Thanks so very much everyone for the reviews, I seen a couple of new reviewers and that made me really happy. To everyone who has continued to read and review, you guys are just to great, thank you.

**Disclaimer:** Okay, I have a song in here and it is certainly not mine. The song with be _italic_….okay.

Gil and Catherine walk back up to the porch and sit down. He stares out into the yard. His breathing is becoming rapid and harder to catch, he didn't notice until he sat down that he is more unstable and on the edge of an attack. Catherine looks at him in concern. She reaches up and places her left hand on his shoulder.

"You doing okay?"

"No." He managed to say between breaths.

He looks around the neighborhood and at the other houses. He squints his forehead, and then bits his bottom lip. Catherine looks around too, noticing the opened doors and some people enjoying the night on their porches.

"Is this uncomfortable for you. Talking about this out here?"

He looks over at her and nods, "A little, but-"

"Gil, if you're going to have problems out here, we can go somewhere more private…Do you have a key to the house?"

"No, not since I left."

"Does anyone in the neighborhood have a key?"

He thinks, "Not anymore, I don't think. A neighbor use to have one, just in case, but he doesn't live here no more."

Catherine sits back against the swing, rocking a little, and thinking.

"Have you ever, um, snuck into this house before?"

He looks up at her confused, "Have I what?"

"You know, snuck in and out of your mom's house, like, when you were a teenager?"

"No." He says defensively.

"Gil, it's me, Cath, not your mom."

He looks at her questioning, "Alright, I have. Why?"

"How?"

"Tell me why you want to know?"

"'Cause we can get in if you know how too, right?"

He stares at her, "You want me to break into my mom's house?"

"Why not? Gil, they could be just now leaving the hospital. We'll be sitting out here for at least another hour or so…and I can't wait that long for you to talk to me because you feel uncomfortable sitting out here."

He looks back at the yard and scans the neighborhood again, 'Okay."

"Really, you're going to break into the house?"

"Yeah, but if anything happens-"

"It's my fault?"

"Yes."

"Nice to know you have my back."

They stand up and walk back to the side of the house to the side balcony. Gil climbs up over the railing and turns around to help Catherine up over the railing.

"Come on."

He reaches a hand down and Catherine takes it and he pulls her up and over the railing.

"Well, aren't you strong."

He smiles at her, "I'm actually surprised, I haven't worked out in a while."

"It shows."

"What that's suppose to mean?"

"Nothing, are you going to get us in?"

He looks a her a moment, "Yeah, just stay here."

"Like I'm not going too."

He turns away from her and goes up to the sliding door. He bends down and messes with the latch.

"When I was twelve I broke the lock on this door. I was doing an experiment and it went, well, wrong and I blew the lock off."

"You _blew_ it off?"

"Yeah. I told my mom she needed to get it fixed but she never did. So now all you have to do is turn it a certain way and-"

Just then the door clicked open and he slid the door open.

"There." He stands up and moves away, "After you."

Catherine walks into the house and off to the side to let Gil come in after her. She looks around at the slightly lit living room. The moon created enough light so that Gil can find the lamp on the end table without breaking things in the process. He looks over at Catherine after he turns on the light.

"Make yourself at home."

Catherine walks around the room and looks at the pictures on the walls and tables.

"Not many pictures of you."

"I'm camera shy. My mom literally had to forces me into some of the pictures."

She looks at the far wall, it has a stereo system and framed pictures of butterflies.

"Butterflies."

"I gave those to her for her birthday one year. She loved mine at my house so much that I got her some." He says with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"You okay, talking about this?"

Catherine says as she walks a little towards him. He nods his head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Just checking."

Catherine turns back to the stereo, "Your mom has a radio but not a T.V.?"

Gil smiles and walks up next to Catherine, "Well, I was the only one whoever watched the television, but that wasn't too often. But music has always been important in our house."

"But your mom can't hear it?"

"So, she can feel it."

Catherine looks over at him, "Feel it?"

"Yeah, you can put the speakers on the floor and through the vibrations-"

"I understand now."

"Oh, okay."

He turns and looks at the CD collection, "We use to have a record player, but it stopped working. One Christmas I got her this system, she didn't know what to do with it at first until I bought her tons of CD's, and I hooked up this lighting…see," He flipped on the lights, "when a song plays, the lights blink and form different patterns to the music. It's really cool. So she can feel it and see it."

"That is cool. I had no idea that-"

"Deaf people can enjoy music?"

"Well, yeah."

He laughed a little. He continues to look through the collection. He stopped and looked at one CD and pulled it out.

"What's that?" Asked Catherine.

"Dark Side of The Moon."

"Pink Floyd, figures. You buy that?"

"No, I didn't and neither did anyone in my family. Why did she keep this?"

"Who?"

"My mom. I told her to get rid of this copy that I'll buy a new one."

"Why? I thought you like that album."

"I do, just…not this copy."

He turns towards the kitchen, "Do you want something to drink?"

"Uh, yeah. What are you getting?"

"Anything with alcohol."

"Oh, okay, get me one."

He walks into the kitchen and opens the pantry door where the trashcan is at and is about to throw the CD in it. He stops and looks at it. He bits his lip and turns and places it on the counter next to the refrigerator. He opens up the door and looks in, pulling out two bottles of beer that his aunt drinks and placing one under his arm and grabbing the CD with his free hand he goes back out into the living room. Catherine is sitting on the couch flipping through an art magazine.

"Your mom likes art?"

"She owns a gallery."

"Oh. How come you never told me that?"

'Why would I?"

"Because we are friends and friends share things."

"How long have you known me and how often have I shared much of anything?"

"Good point."

He hands places the beers on the table and walks over to the CD player and turns it on, places the CD in it and hits the play button, then the next button twice, to song number three.

"Do you mind?" He says as he walks back over to the couch.

"No, just as long as you don't wheel out a T.V. from somewhere and play The Wizard of Oz with it."

He smiles and sits down, "Don't worry, I already learned my lesson with that one."

He leans back against the couch and close his eyes for several minutes. Catherine leans back too and takes several sips of her beer as she waits for Gil to talk. She doesn't want him to feel uncomfortable in his old house. Just then the words break in from the music and Catherine can slightly hear Gil singing along with it.

_Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day _

_You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. _

_Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town _

_Waiting for someone or something to show you the way. _

_Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. _

_You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. _

_And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. _

_No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. _

He opens his eyes and takes sip of his beer and looks over at Catherine, 'Kind of my life right there, isn't it?"

She looks over at him, "What?"

"I've wasted away a lot of my life because I'm too damn afraid to experience it. Next thing I know, I'm almost fifty and I don't have nothing to show for it."

"You have your career."

_So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking _

_Racing around to come up behind you again. _

_The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, _

_Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. _

_Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time. _

_Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines _

_Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way _

_The time is gone, the song is over, _

_Thought I'd something more to say. _

"My career isn't that important, so I've found out."

He starts to sang along with the song again.

_Home, home again. _

_I like to be here when I can. _

_When I come home cold and tired _

_It's good to warm my bones beside the fire. _

_Far away across the field _

_The tolling of the iron bell _

_Calls the faithful to their knees _

_To hear the softly spoken magic spells._

"That's such a good song."

"Yeah, it is. You okay."

He is staring at the opposite wall as he listens to the opening lines of song four.

_"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I _

_don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? _

_There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime." _

"Isn't that the truth." He says as a statement more to himself then to Catherine.

He takes another drink of his beer and turns to her, "Did you say something?"

"Yeah, are you okay? You were off in another world for a minute, but the look on your face spoke volumes of…pain."

He stares at her, "I need another one, how about you?"

"Mine's still full."

"I'll still get you another one."

He gets up and walks into the kitchen, after a while he returns with two more bottles and places them on the table.

"My aunt's going to be mad when she comes home and find no beer in the fridge." He says while laughing.

"Maybe you should hold back then."

"No, it's fine. She drinks only one a day, if she's had one already she'll be fine till tomorrow."

The CD goes into song five by the time he looks back over at Catherine.

"This CD was bought by my…ex-girlfriend."

Catherine looks over at him, "Really."

He nods, "Yeah, it was a gift from her to me after I bought the stereo system. She thought I should have a CD copy of the album to play when I came back to visit my mom. She hated Pink Floyd." He starts to laugh a little.

"Is she the one that, burned you?"

"Yeah, she was the only one that could have ever burn me. I actually got to the point where I thought that I could love her forever then…well, it didn't happen. I guess I was too closed off for her to feel the same."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, that was a long time ago. I kept going back and forth between here and Vegas. She didn't want to move with me because she had everything here, and I wasn't going to force her into moving. I was gone for months because of the work, that's when you came on and we had that murderer, remember?"

"Yeah, I don't think I slept for weeks during that. That was just weeks after I got hired."

"It was a crazy year for us that year. I went to Boston for a while to do that seminar, and I was always either on a case or doing lectures. I finally had time to come back here and I guess I was gone too long. She had moved on, didn't even tell me."

"How did you find out?"

He looks over at her, "I…saw them together. She, unlike me, has no problems with public displays of affection."

"So, she cheated on you. This coming from the man that didn't tell me about Eddie when he was cheating on me."

"I'm sorry about that, but I knew how it felt to find out that the person you loved is with someone else. I wanted to save you from that kind of hurt, I just didn't know how. I don't think I could have, so, I left it up to him to tell you or for you to find out…sorry."

"It's okay Gil. It's been over with for some time now, I've moved on."

"Glad one of us has."

"You don't think you have?"

"Do I look like I have? I lived in an empty house with no connects to anybody. No, I don't think I have and I'm sorry damn scared to find out what will happen if I do. What if I let someone in and they find out that I'm not capable of giving them what they need and they leave, just like she did?"

"I…I don't know. I guess you just have to faith that they won't."

"Faith. You can't leave anything up to faith Catherine. No matter how hard you believe or think you believe there's always room for doubt."

"I don't think so."

"I do."

She looks at him for some time, letting him finish off his second beer and hers her first.

"Are you going to tell me about that?"

"What?"

"Why you left the church?"

He looks at her, "That'll take another bottle."

TBC…

Wow, this is a long chapter. Hope everyone liked it though. Please review, and I'll try to get the next one up sometime soon.


	31. The Rest of The Night

A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews! Sorry that it took me so long to update, I finished my finals, and now I'm home for winter break and finally had the time to update. Anyway, here's the next chapter, hope it's okay and you guys like it.

Gil starts to say something to Catherine but she holds up her hand to stop him, "Hold that thought. Where's the bathroom?"

"Oh, down the hall and to the left. First door."

"Thanks. I'll be right back." She stands up and goes down the hall.

Gil stands up and heads towards the kitchen, but the engine of a car pulling up into the driveway makes him stop. He turns and goes to the front door and opens it up to see his mom and aunt getting out of the car.

"Hello." He says and signs at the same time.

'Hello son.' His mom signs back, 'How did you get in?'

He looks at her for a moment then signs, "I have ways."

'I bet you do. I never did fix that sliding door lock.' She laughs and gives him a hug as she and his aunt walk into the house.

He looks at his aunt, "Took you long enough. Everything okay? Well, besides..."

"Everything's fine dear." His aunt answers him, "We're just a little tired. The drive back didn't help us any. There was an accident on the way back, tied traffic up for miles. We're just tired now."

"Was it bad? Did anyone get hurt?"

"We don't know. We're kind of tired now dear. I think the beds are calling our names."

"Okay, I understand. You eat anything?"

His mom was the one that responded now, 'I'm not hungry now and even if I was, I can't eat.' She looks around and sees the stereo on and the bottles on the table, 'Are you okay?'

Gil reaches over and turns the stereo off, "I'm fine. Me and Catherine were just...wanting for you two to get here."

His mom looks at him. She sighs and takes a breath.

'Ok, I have to get to bed honey. I haven't slept for some time.'

"All right." He gives her a hug then pulls away from her, "Good night. Love you."

'Love you too. You get some sleep too.'

"I will."

'Tell Catherine I said Hi and thanks.'

"I will."

His mom turns and walks up the stairs. His aunt is standing by the stereo holding the CD case in her hands.

"You haven't listened to this in a while."

"Well, that's a good album."

"I know, well, you know."

Gil smirks, "I was about to say that you've never heard it."

"But this copy?"

He looks at it and her, "It's okay."

"You said that the last time and it wasn't."

"It is now."

"Do I have any beer left?"

He looks at her and shakes his head.

"Your mom didn't get on you because she's too depressed and worn down to, but I'm not. Gil, you shouldn't be doing this to yourself-"

"I know you're worried about me, but this isn't like last time, okay. I'm not the way I was before, I can handle this!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I am."

He notices his aunts eyes shift to look at the hallway, he turns his head to see Catherine standing there.

"Well, at least you're not alone this time."

She walks away from Gil, placing the case back on the stereo and goes up the stairs. He looks back after his aunt then to Catherine.

She holds her hands up in surrender, "It's okay. I'm not going to ask."

He laughs too himself, "Yeah right."

"I think that we need to leave now since we aren't eating here."

"Why?"

"Because I'm hungry."

"Good, so am I, and we're out of beer."

"Lets go. I'll drive the truck because you are in no condition."

"To drive?"

"To do anything."

oooooooooooooooooooo

"Is this the best bar you could find?"

Gil looks around the small tavern and a shudder runs down his back. The place is only as big as a dorm room and it is dark and if he hadn't known what the smell of death was, he would have thought that this place was it.

"It's the closes one to your apartment."

"I say we find another one."

"Not liking it?" She turns around to face him but he was already out the door, "Guess so."

She walks out the door to find him hunching over the truck.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, just have to get my insides clean again."

"Well, I wanted to go to that bar and grill down the street but you forced me not to."

He looks up at her and around the street trying to find somewhere else that was decent, but couldn't.

"Fine. Lets go to the other place."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He opens up the passenger door and gets in. Catherine is soon in the drivers seat and pulls out of the parking lot. It doesn't take long from them to be at the bar and grill. They get out again and walk into the nice, cleaner bar and find a table by the window. After they give their order to the waitress, Catherine turns to Gil.

"So, what was the big deal?"

"About what?"

She rolls her eyes, "About coming here. This is a nice place."

"I know it is. I use to come here all the time."

"Oh, so why-"

"I use to come here all the time with her."

"Oh."

Then waitress comes back with their drinks and places them on the table.

"Food will be done in about twenty minutes."

"Thanks." They both say together.

The waitress walks away. Catherine turns back to Gil.

"Twenty minutes?"

"It's worth it, trust me."

She gives a shrug and takes a drink. Gil does the same, but a bigger gulp, then sets the bottle down.

"Care to tell me now?"

"About-"

"Gil, if you sayabout whatone more time..."

"Okay...where do you want me to start?"

"Well, you still haven't told me why you freaked out at Beverly's house."

"Oh, that. Well, my ex she was a therapist."

"You keep calling her ex like you two were married."

"Well, if she wasn't seeing that guy when I got back we would have been."

Catherine looks at him, eyes wide and jaw dropping, "Are you serious?"

He nods his head and takes another drink.

"Oh wow. That bitch!"

"Cath."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Just, keep your voice down."

"Oh. Go on."

"After what happened I got a little depressed about it. I came back to Vegas and continued to work. I thought the work would be all I needed to get over her, but it wasn't. So, after a while I went to see someone, a therapist. Well, it took me some time to trust her, since my ex-I mean Stephanie-"

"Is that her name?"

He looks at her with a raised eyebrow, "Of course it is....Where was I?"

"You went to see a therapist."

"Oh, and she was a great woman, or so I thought anyway."

"What she do?"

"Lets just say that doctor/patient confidentiality wasn't an important issue with her."

"No she didn't."

"Yeah, she did. The next thing I know I was pulled into Mobley's office. Ecklie got word and didn't live it down for months."

"Assholes."

"Well, nothing came of it of course except for the firing of the therapist and me having to report directly to Mobley all the time."

"I remember that. I always wondered why you always had to go to his office before work."

"Then Dr. Philip Kane became our lab psych. and I talked to him without trouble because I knew him as a friend first."

"Did he help?"

"Yeah, he did actually, but I already trusted him and knew him. I can't talk to someone I don't know or trust."

"You know and trust Beverly. So, why did you freak out on her?"

"I just told you."

"No you didn't. You told me why you don't trust therapist you don't know or trust, nothing about Beverly. You trust and know her, so why?"

He looks at her and shrugs.

"You do too know and I think I know."

"Then you tell me."

"Because she's an intelligent, good looking woman, who's an therapist and she reminded you of your "ex" when she told you that she was a therapistand you're afraid of her deceiving you."

He looks down at the table and takes another drink, "...I-"

Just then the waitress comes back to the table and places the food down on the table, "Here you go."

"Thank you." Says Catherine, while Gil just continues looking at the table.

The waitress walks away and Gil stares at the food.

"I'm sorry Gil. I really hate it when I'm right, but right now you're pretty easy to see through."

He looks up at her, "You don't hate it when you're right."

She starts to laugh, "Yeah, well. Hey, so what about the church?"

He lets out a breath, "Too much guilt went with that story."

"Guilt?"

"The guilt's not in me anymore Cath and I let it go. I don't think I can tell that one now."

"You got your other bottle."

"But I still have three forths of my brain cells working."

"Damn it. Why do you have to be so smart, even when you're drunk?"

"Years of practice. Now can we stop talking now and eat? I'm starving."

"Me too."

oooooooooooooo

Gil and Catherine stumble into the apartment. Gil walks around in search for the light. Catherine, not being as drunk as him, reaches over to the wall and flips on the light.

"Better?"

Gil looks around, "Yeah. Thanks."

He sits down on the couch and slides down in the seat placing his legs on the table. Catherine walks over and does the same.

"We really need to get you a bed Gil."

"I don't need a bed."

"Well, you can't keeping sleeping on your couch."

"I'm not going to sleep on the couch either, except for tonight."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"Somewhere in Vegas."

Catherine looks at him, "You're going back?"

He nods his head, "I think I ran from Vegas long enough, don't you?"

"Yeah, but are you sure. What about your panic-"

"I'll deal with those when they come. They're not as frequent anymore. I've setteled a lot of issues while I was here. Most of those issues was what was bothering me."

"You may have setteled some issues but you also got some brand new ones."

"Yeah, but..."

"You're not bothered by them?."

He smiles and leans his head back, "Nope."

Catherine turns and lays all the way down on the couch and puts her legs up on Gil' lap.

"What are you doing?"

"Sleeping, do you mind."

He looks at her then put his head back against the couch, "No."

TBC...


	32. The Final Forgiveness

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay again, I hope everyone had a very merry and happy Christmas, Hanukah, or whatever you celebrate, lol. Here's another chapter, if stuffs wrong, I deeply apologize for it. I'm kind of sick and out of it, but I felt like writing so...anyway, thanks everyone for the reviews and I hope you continue to read. Oh, and some of this takes place as a dream, I think you all will figure out what's a dream and what isn't.

**Spoilers:** "Alter Boys" and "Harvest"

He is trapped. In a box, wooden, metal nails keeping him from lifting up the lid. It's dark, and he can't breathe. There is no more world, life for him. He yells, pounds his fist against the wood. His eyes searches for some light but he can't see any, he can't see anything, the world is black, air thick, and he can't breathe. He gasps at the air that isn't there.

Please, please let me out! I can't go like this, not now. I have to get out! Let me out! Someone please hear me! Let me out! Let...me...out!

He tries to catch his breath to scream the words out, but can't. He reaches out at the nothingness until he hits the wood again, over and over again. He suddenly stops, something is next to him. He can feel it. He reaches out and touches what is next to him.

No...no!

He looks at the person next to him, dead. He knows he is dead, he died today. His eyes glaze over and he starts pounding on the wood again, this time kicking as well.

Catherine wakes up to sound of screaming. Gil is screaming.

"Gil! Gil it's okay."

After her eyes adjusts to the darkness, she realizes that he isn't on the couch anymore. She looks at the floor. Gil's laying on the floor, pounding his fists on the it, and screaming. She gets down on the floor next to him. She starts to rub his head and back.

"Gil. Gil, wake up you're having a nightmare."

She hadn't noticed before but she does now, he's also having another attack.

"Gil! Gil, please wake up you have to breathe. Gil! Please!"

He stops moving. Inside his head he's still in the wooden coffin. He looks around.

...Who is that?...Hey! Let me out of here!

"Gil! Please wake up."

...Cath? Catherine! Help me please!...I..I can't get out!

He starts pounding on the wood again.

Catherine suddenly stops talking as Gil starts pounding the floor and screaming again.

"Damn it Gil. Please wake up."

She keeps rubbing his head and shoulders trying to wake him out of his dream, but nothing seems to work. She then notices how incredibly hot he is. She gets up and goes to the kitchen and bathroom. She comes back with a thermometer and opens Gil's mouth as far as he'll allow her too. After a minute she takes it out.

"102 degrees."

She looks down at Gil, who has yelled himself hoarse, and sees that he is sweating and trembling. She goes to the bathroom and wets a washcloth and she grabs as many towels out of his room as she can because he has no blankets or sheets and goes back into the living room. She places the towels over his body, the washcloth on his head, and then grabs a pillow off the couch and puts it under his head. She then goes back to rubbing his head and shoulders, hoping the constant soothing will make him calm down enough to catch his breath.

After a minute, it works. Gil starts breathing right again, calmer, but still hot as hell. He twitches a little causing Catherine to pull her hand back. She looks at his face. It's contorted into something she's never seen on his face before, pure fear and...sadness.

He whispers out something.

"What? What Gil?" She says while leaning down to him.

"...I...I'm sorry, dad. It should have been me"

She lifts her head up, "Oh, Gil." She starts rubbing his head again, "No, it shouldn't."

They stay that way for hours. Catherine finally fell back to sleep an hour after she was woken up. At the sudden yell, she snaps her eyes open and stares down at Gil, who's now on his back, and yelling again, but this time, there are words.

"N-n...no! Please let me out. S, sorry, I'm sorry." At the last word his voice breaks.

"Gil, it's okay." She places her hand on his head, still hot.

"....No! It's not ok...I'm sorry. Just...just let me out Cath, please."

"Gil, you're not in anything. It's okay, wake up, please."

"...I can't. I can't get out."

His last sentence comes out as almost of a begging, pleading noise. If his face was pure fear earlier, now it's pure desperation and misery.

"Gil, listen to my voice. It's okay, you're in your apartment, and you're asleep. You have to wake up."

"Apartment? What...are you talking about? I...I have a townhouse."

"No, Gil, remember-" She stops talking from the expression she sees on his face.

"No!"

"Gil, you're fine."

"...No! Please Bryan, don't shoot me...I can't go, not yet."

"Damn it Gil. That's over with remember, you survived."

"I-I survived...but not, not my dad."

The look of grief covers his face now. He turns in his sleep, the direction he thought is farthest from Catherine's voice, but it is to her and his tears aren't lost from her eyes. She looks down on him, her hand is still rubbing his head. She wants so badly for him to wake up because this is too much for her. She leans down and softly whispers in his ear that it'd be okay.

Later, she gets up off the floor and searches through his cabinets for soup to make for him when he does wake up. She makes herself a sandwich and a glass of milk and sits down on the couch. She keeps looking at Gil with concern. She's tried everything to wake him up, but he won't. She is deep in thought when the sound of someone knocking on the door startles her out of it. She gets up and looks to see who it is.

"Beverly." She says in a surprise. She reaches down and unlocks the door and opens it. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Came to see if Gil was okay and to apologize for whatever I did."

"Come in. I think I need some help." She motions her to come in.

She walks through the door and looks around. It doesn't take her long before she sees Gil on the floor.

"Gil! Is he okay?" She says and turn to Catherine.

"No, actually. He has a temperature of 101 degrees. It was 102 earlier. He's been having nightmares and I can't get him to wake up."

Beverly walks over to him and touches his head. "He's been sweating a lot. He needs to wake up, he has to have fluids."

"I know, but I can't get him to. He won't even open his eyes. He can hear me though. I've tried to tell him nothings wrong but it won't work. His mind is somewhere else."

"Where? Where is he?"

"I-I don't know. But his father is with him...and he says he can't get out, like he's trapped."

"His father passed didn't he?"

"Yes. Wait, you don't think-"

"Yeah, I do. He's trapped with his dad. My guess he's in a coffin."

"That would make sense with what he's told me."

Beverly turns around, "What did he tell you?"

"That it should have been him."

"I knew he was envious of his father dying by natural causes, but now that it actually happened."

"Are you saying Gil wanted to be in his father's position."

"Yeah, and now, he is in his father's position, but still alive and suffering. He's doing this to himself and he is the only one that can bring himself out of it."

"How?"

"He has to believe that his life is worth living."

"I thought, I thought he already believed that. He told me last night he was going back to Vegas."

"He probably is, but that doesn't mean that he came to terms with the real issues and actually believes he'll make it." She stands up and sits down on the couch. "He stormed out of my house yesterday, why?"

"You reminded him of his evil ex-girlfriend. She was a therapist, and well, Gil doesn't trust them. But, that was his excuse, the real reason was because he's afraid you'll betray him."

"Like she did?"

"Yeah."

"Did his father also betray him?"

"Yeah, him and his mother. He didn't forgive him, not until..."

"Was his father awake?"

"No, he was in a coma."

Just then Gil twitches franticly in his sleep. Catherine and Beverly both look down at him. He rolls over back onto his side and starts couching. He pulls the towels up around himself and he whispers something again. Both, Catherine and Beverly, bend down to hear him.

"What Gil?" They both say at once.

"I can't breathe in here, dad. I can't breathe and it's cold, I...I think I'm dying with you. I can't, not yet. I have to get out, please let me out."

Catherine and Beverly both look at each other.

Catherine starts to rub his shoulder, "This has to stop. I can't let him suffer like this anymore." She tries again to wake him. Shaking him a little harder this time. "Gil, wake up. Beverly's here. She's worried and wants to talk. Wake up, Gil."

The shaking is useless. He only turns and rolls onto his other side and swatting the arm away. "Please, forgive me father, I'm sorry." He says while pushing Catherine's arm away.

Catherine looks back over at Beverly, "What was that about?"

Beverly shrugs, "Maybe he's asking his dad to forgive him."

"No, he's been calling him dad this whole time. Why change it to father?"

She shrugs again and they both look back down at Gil, who's now gasping for air again.

"Damn it, not again." Catherine says and starts rubbing his head and shoulders again. "Breathe Gil. Just breathe, that's all you have to do. It isn't real, hear me. Whatever it is, it isn't real and you have to breathe."

If, in his dream, Gil was still stuck in that coffin, then maybe the voice of Catherine telling him to breathe would have worked, but he isn't stuck there anymore. Now he's in a place he never wanted to return to. To a church he long since stopped going to and to a Father he once thought was the almighty himself.

At the sight of seeing himself back in that booth with Father Thomas by his side he lost his control again. He wants and so badly needs to breathe. To calm down enough to run, to get the hell out of there. He doesn't want to feel this again, this guilt, this scared.

I'm over this. I don't feel this guilt no more, this shame. It's not in me. That's what I told Father Powell, after Ben killed himself. It's not in me. I'm not sorry I left my religion. Not sorry, no more guilt...but why can't I breathe here. Why? I'm over that, this. Breathe damn it, just breathe and you'll be fine. Tell him, tell Father Thomas that you're not sorry for leaving. Tell him!

He looks to his left and immediately looks into Father Thomas's eyes.

"Gil. Is there something you want to tell me?"

He goes to speak but his voice won't work.

Talk! Tell him that I'm not sorry. Not for what I do and have done. Not for Ben's suicide, not for Daniel and Alicia Perez, not for believing that organized religion is, is, is what?! Wrong, is it wrong to believe in rules that guide your life. Life, what life? Whose life...? Mine? How many times have my prayers been answered, huh? How many people die in the name of God? How many hate groups form and hurt, kill, hang other people because they believe in religion. They believe they are right...he believed he was right, he wasn't, he was wrong, dead wrong.

He stares blankly at the father and desperately wanting to tell him exactly what he thought. Why can't he? Why can't he just say it? He tries again to catch his breathe, to feel his lungs fill without painful contraction. He turns and looks around the church. Funny how he hasn't been here in so long but he remembers everything about it. The smell, the look of the ceiling, walls, glass, and that deceiving smile of his once friend, Father Thomas.

_Tell him already! Tell him why you don't trust that white collar no more and why it was it so hard for you to go see Father Powell after what happened to Ben._

He finally got his mouth to work, "You lied to me. You deceived me. Why?"

Father Thomas turns to him and stares, "What? How?"

"You said that if you love and believe in Jesus and accept him that he'll save you."

"That's right."

"And if we confess our sins, that we'll be saved. You said that God loves everyone."

"That's right too."

"Then why? Why do people think that God loves them and not others. Why do you say that you're forgiven for one thing but not another? I don't understand, if we are all to be forgiven if we confess our sins and God loves everyone then why do people of religion tell other people that God doesn't love them and wont' forgive them? You told me He would and does. So why do you lie when you tell us that some people don't deserve to be forgiven and God doesn't love them?"

Father Thomas sat staring at Gil for the longest of times before he answers, "I-I don't have an answer for that. What do you think?"

"I think...I can't believe in this anymore. I'm sorry but that's what I think. I can't have you lying to me anymore. I can't. People think that they won't be forgiven if they end their own lives, but that it's okay to kill someone and pray for forgiveness and they'll get it. I don't think there's a difference but you're telling me there is. Either you're forgiven for your sins or you're not. I don't want to be told what you think is right and wrong. I want to believe and think what I believe and think, not what you tell me too."

"Okay, but you do understand that you're going against the bible, right?"

"That's what you think, believe. Not what I do."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Are you? You can't make me feel guilty about this. It's my life father."

"I know. Just making sure you know what you're in for. Can I ask you some questions now?"

"Sure."

"Did you really forgive your dad, or was that just to please your mother?"

He looks at him for a long moment, "That, that was real."

"And now?"

"Now," He takes a deep breath and lets it out, "now I'm going to go home, to Vegas, where I belong and continue my life."

"Are you happy about this decision?"

"Yes, I am. Very happy. I think that maybe I might be a better friend, be more...open this time."

"Good. How about love?"

"I think, I need to first fully love myself again before I try to find love with someone else."

Outside the dream, Catherine and Beverly wait patiently. Every once in a while getting the washcloth wet again and placing it on Gil's forehead. He finally caught his breath about half an hour ago and they've been waiting for signs of another one, but there hasn't been any. Now, they are talking on the couch. They took his temperature just minutes ago, through Gil's mumbles, and his fever has broken.

"Do you think we should try to wake him up again?"

"I don't know Cath. He could have another attack."

Just as Catherine is about to say something she hears a soft whisper for Gil. They both turn to see two blue eyes staring back at them. He looks at Catherine and speaks.

"Hey." He says loud enough for them to her him through a hoarse and painful throat.

"Hey yourself. You're finally awake. Are you okay? You had us worried."

He looks back and forth between the two women, "Yeah, fine. Just...tired."

"Tired?"

"Yeah." He looks over at Beverly, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"That's okay Gil. Catherine helped explain things."

"K." He yawns and rolls back towards the couch and pulls himself up onto it. Catherine and Beverly move down. "I feel, terrible."

"You should, you had a fever not too long ago. I'll go get you some water." Beverly gets up and goes to the kitchen.

Catherine looks at Gil who is laying on his back with his legs draped over her lap, "Do you remember anything?"

He opens his eyes, "Yeah, I remember everything. Even you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Your voice, in my dream. You were trying to help me."

"Did I?"

He shakes his head, "You helped calm me, thank you."

He closes his eyes again. Beverly comes back into the living room and places a cup of water on the table.

"Here, I brought you some water and aspirin, and I got soup cooking on the stove."

Gil opens his eyes again and looks at her, "Thank you too." He grabs the glass and drinks it all down in three big gulps.

"Thirsty?"

"Very." He places the glass back down on the table and leans back down.

"Still planning on going back?" Catherineasks him.

"Yes."

"Just checking. When do you want to leave?"

He thinks a moment, "Today."

"Are you sure you're ready to go today?"

"Yeah. I want to stop at my moms' first."

"Okay."

He closes his eyes and drifts off to a blissful sleep this time.

TBC....


	33. The Goodbyes

****

A/N: Yes, I'm still alive!…lol. I can't believe it's been forever since I last updated this story. I so deeply apologize. I have an explanation, but it's the same as always, life happened, again. I know, I know, it needs to stop doing that! So, ok, here's the next chapter.

Gil wakes up on the couch and stretches his legs. He feels his legs rub against another person. He looks up and sees Catherine sitting at the other end of the couch talking on the phone with his legs on her lap.

"Hey, I'll call you back," she says into the phone, "Grissom just woke up. Okay, talk to you later." She flips the phone close and looks at him. "Glad to see that you've finally got some sleep. How do you feel?"

He looks at her, "Well rested." he says with a smile, "When are we going back to Vegas?"

"You said you wanted to leave today."

"Oh. Well, that sounds reasonable."

"What, you don't remember what you said?"

"I remember a lot of it, not all of it." he says as he sits up on couch.

"Oh, so do you remember saying that you wanted Ecklie's job?"

He quickly looks at her and raises an eyebrow, "I never said that."

"How do you know?"

"I may not remember everything I said, but I'm not an idiot. There's no way I want Ecklie's job, if anything, you should get his job."

"Yeah, you're right. I would be great, better then him anyway. And compared to the two of us, I'm more politic."

"For which I'm grateful so I don't have to be."

They share a smile at one another. Gil then stands up and goes into the kitchen.

"Hungry?" Catherine calls after him.

"Very."

"I made some soup; it's on the stove still."

"Alright, thanks. Hey Catherine?"

"Yeah."

"After I get done eating, I want to leave."

"Okay. Are we still stopping at your mom's?"

"Of course."

After he eats he takes a quick shower and gets cleaned up. He walks out of the bathroom carrying everything that was in there, which only consisted of a handful of things, and he throws them into the bag Sara had brought him. He's going through his bag as he talks to Catherine, "The couch can stay. If the manager wants to get it out of here, he can call someone. The food has to be thrown out. The plates and silverware can-"

"Gil."

"What?" He looks up at Catherine who is standing in the middle of the living room.

"Don't you need any of this stuff in Vegas?"

He looks at her then around the apartment, "I…damn it," He looks up at Catherine, "Where am I going to live?"

"Well, you can always stay with me again until you find a place of your own."

"Cath, I don't want to intrude again."

"It's no bother. You know that. As for this stuff, we can have this stuff brought to Vegas and store-"

"Catherine." He looks at her helplessly, "I don't…I just want to get the hell out of here. I don't care if the couch or forks come too, okay. I want to go home."

She nods slowly at him, "Okay, we'll do it your way. Leave it all here, throw away all food that can't be taken with us on the drive back, and then, get the hell out of dodge. What do you say?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

It only takes them fifteen minutes to go through the cabinets and fridge and throw food away or put it in a plastic bag. After that was done they look around the apartment one more time to make sure nothing is forgotten. Grissom decides to call the phone and power company when he's on the road.

They stand at the door looking the apartment over one last time. Gil then motions for Catherine to head out and he follows. They pass the manager on the way out.

"Where you going Mr. Grissom? On a picnic or what?"

"I'm moving out. Thanks for the apartment, but I won't be needing it any more."

"Moving out? Is that all you're taking? What about the-"

"Keep it for all I care. I don't want it." He climbs into Catherine's truck and shuts the door.

Catherine pulls out of the parking spaces and heads for Grissom's mothers' house.

00000000000000000000

It isn't long before Grissom's standing in his moms' living room again. His aunt is in the kitchen making some coffee; Catherine and his mom are all sitting on the couch, signing to one another while he stands looking at the two of them. His mom then looks up at him and smiles. He smiles back then says and signs to her.

"I'm sorry for my behavior last night."

'It's okay. I've already forgiven you."

He smiles at that, "Of course, you always do." He takes a deep breath and signs, "How are you doing mom?"

"Me, I'm holding up. I'm glad that you're going back to Vegas. It's where you belong."

"I know."

His aunt comes out of the kitchen with the tea and places the tray on the coffee table.

"Thank you." They all say and sign in unison.

"So, Gil. Did your mom tell you?"

"Tell me what?" He asks while he picks up the cup and brings it to his mouth.

"That we're moving and-"

He stops his arm just before he takes a drink and looks at his mom then over to his aunt, "You're moving? Why?"

"We have no use for this big house anymore and we've been talking about moving for quite sometime now. And, we've decided to do it."

"Well," Gil finishes his cup of tea, "were are you two moving to?"

"Well, we were thinking Vegas so that you can visit us whenever you want."

"You mean so you can visit me whenever you want."

She laughs, "Something like that."

He gives them a quirky smile, "I'll be glad to have you two living nearby, it's such a pain to come all the way out to California whenever something happens."

"And it'll give us a chance to get you a woman."

"Oh God. I knew there was something mischievous behind this whole idea. I guess I'll have to escape back here whenever you show up at my door with another candidate." Gil looks over and notices Catherine's amused look, "What?"

"I love to see you squirm under the pressure of your family. It's fun and very amusing."

"I knew you were loving this."

All three women laugh at Gil's sudden look anguish, then Catherine finally decides to relieve the man from his growing pain, "Well," she says to the other two women on the couch, "we've got a long way to go, so I guess we better get out of here."

"About time." Gil says in mockery as he lets a smile show.

After they say their goodbyes Grissom and Catherine leave the house and climb into the truck. "So," Catherine says after she buckles up, "off to Vegas?"

"No," Gil says as he shakes his head, "I have one more stop to make. Two more goodbyes." he says as he looks over at Catherine.

"Beverly's?"

"Yep."

"Alright, let's go."

00000000000000000000

They walk through the sand and up to the front door of the beach front condo that Beverly lives in. Gil knocks several times then stands and waits for her to answer the door. After several moments the door opens and Kelley is standing there.

"Hey you guys! Come on in." She moves out of the way as Gil and Catherine walks into the house. "My mom's upstairs, she'll be down in a minute."

Gil turns and looks at Kelley, "Aren't you suppose to be on your way to New York?"

"Yeah, well, I changed my mind. I'll go to New York later, after me and my mom work out all our problems."

"That's very mature of you."

"Thanks. I was hoping for that. Maybe if I'm becoming more mature and responsible my mom won't worry to much about me when I'm gone."

"Yeah, like that's going to happen."

They all three turn around and look at Beverly as she comes down the stairs and into the living room. "I'll always worry about you, even when you're 60." She says as she gives Kelley a hug. Then she gives one to Gil and Catherine, "I'm glad to see you guys again. Especially you Gil. You had me and Catherine worried last night."

"Sorry." Gil says as he looks down.

"Hey, no need to apologize. How are you by the way?" She asks him.

"Better, thanks."

"Can you two stay long or do you have to get going?"

"Well, we've wanted to get going. I just needed to see you and tell you thank you, the both of you," he looks at Beverly and Kelley, "for everything."

"It was our pleasure. I'm glad we've became friends Gil."

"Me too." Kelley says after her mom.

Gil smiles at them both, "Okay. Well, we've got to get going."

"Thanks for stopping by and I'll love to keep in touch."

"I have your number. When we get back I'll call you."

"That'll be great."

They say their goodbyes and exchange more hugs. After a couple of minutes they're back in Catherine's truck and on their way back to Vegas.

TBC….I promise!

Next, the day they get back to Vegas, and the return to the lab.


	34. The Day Back

****

A/N: I'm Updating again! Be happy, I sure am. Thank you to the person who reviewed, I'm glad someone is still reading my story.

"Catherine! I can't see anything!" Grissom says from the passenger side of the SUV.

"That's the purpose of a blindfold Gil." Catherine says from the drivers seat.

They arrived in Las Vegas just ten minutes before. Catherine had insisted that he wrap a tie around his eyes. He at first protested, greatly. Then, of course, Catherine persuaded him to do it, because it was an experiment.

"Catherine, this isn't a blindfold. It's my tie, the only one I own and it's not meant to keep me from seeing what's going on." He says to her matter-of-factly.

Catherine just rolls her eyes and sighs. "Look, we are all most there. So, quit your whining."

Soon enough, Catherine pulls into the driveway. She gets out and walks around to the passenger side of the truck and helps Grissom out.

"Catherine, I don't like this. Where are we?" He says irritably.

"Just walk, straight. You'll be able to see soon enough." She says as she leads him up the walkway and to the door. She opens the door and walks in, quietly. She smiles as she walks into the living room. She searches the room making sure everyone and thing is in place.

"Okay," she says to Grissom, "you can take the blind…the tie off now."

Grissom quickly unties the tie and pulls it off. As soon as he can see he takes in a breath.

"Surprise!" Was yelled from around the room. Everyone was there from the lab that loved him.

Jim and Doc. Al Robbins are standing near the kitchen with drinks in there hands. Nick, Warrick and Greg are standing in front of the couch, a game system is on the table in front of it, and Sara is standing at the far wall by the bookcase.

Grissom looks around the room speechless. He finally finds his breath again and looks at the room itself. He quirks his head to the side and looks at the walls and the bookshelf. _This is my stuff…my books, framed butterflies._ He looks at Catherine.

"Catherine, what's going on?" He asks confused.

"Leave it to Grissom to not know what a welcome home party is when he sees one." Jim piped in.

"I get that Jim." He says over his shoulder, "But, my stuff…how?" He asks Catherine again.

"Well, it's not exactly your stuff. I mean it is now, but it wasn't before. They did some shopping for you while we were gone." She says to him.

He looks around the room, this time with a huge smile on his face. "Thank you. Everyone, this is just…a lot."

Everyone breaks into smiles and come over to him one at a time, most shaking his hand and welcoming him back, except for Sara who stayed standing by the recliner.

Warrick, Nick, and Greg went back to playing the game. Al goes over and sits down next to them and watches them play while Jim goes and gets Grissom a drink from the kitchen. Grissom notices Sara still standing and not really paying much attention to him, instead, she's trying to act like she's real interested in the books on the shelf behind her. He walks up to her and stands beside her.

"Did you pick most of these out?" He reaches up and grabs one off the shelf. "Forensic Entomology: The Utility of Arthropods in Legal Investigations?"

"Did you already have that one?" She asks him.

"No, actually. Thank you." He places the book back on the shelf. "That wasn't just for the book Sara." He looks over at her.

She looks at him. He smirks at her. "I should have told you that before and that I'm sorry for getting angry at you. You saved my life, the way I acted was…unacceptable."

"Thanks, for the apology. Catherine called me and apologized for you but…"

"I know. I should have called you myself, but I never found the time." He looks back over at his other friends in the house then his eyebrow rises as he looks back at Sara. "Sara, where am I?"

She gives him the same confused look.

"I know I'm in Vegas…but where? Catherine had me put on that damn tie, I have no idea where my own place is at." He looks around the room again. "I haven't even had the grand tour yet and I'm supposed to live here."

Sara laughs at him. "Well, this is the living room. Over there's the kitchen." She then suddenly grabs him by the right arm and leads him to the right and down the hallway. They pass Jim and Catherine on the way. They look at Sara dragging Grissom down the hallway and laugh.

"Where you think they're going?" Jim says to Catherine.

"Knowing Sara, the bedroom." She gets a smug grin on her face. "And knowing Grissom, they won't be there long before he runs back in here because he said the wrong thing." They both laugh and start back into their conversation.

Grissom and Sara enter the bedroom. "And," she says as they come to a stop in front of a big king sized bed, "is your bedroom."

He looks around the room and is speechless. A king sized bed is taking up most of the back wall and half the room. A dresser is next to it, off the other wall is a big walk in closet.

"Wow. How much did this cost. I'm practically fully furnished. When did this happen? Catherine didn't tell me anything?"

"Catherine didn't know until she called us before you two got her. Jim told her to blindfold you and to make sure you don't see where you were going. We actually got done putting this place together about," she stops and thinks, "an hour or two ago."

Grissom's jaw almost dropped. "You're kidding?"

"Nope. So, how do you like it?"

"I…love it. It's great, better then my last townhouse. I actually got a room for my office now. I don't have to use the dining room for that anymore." He says with a smile. He looks over at her. "This is really great, but the cost? Do I have to pay any of you back?"

Sara waves him off. "The payment is the same as your old townhouse. And to the other question, no. Some of this stuff had previous owners. The office furniture came from Nick, the stereo system came from Warrick. The couch and most of the other furniture came from Greg, apparently he knows someone who owns a furniture warehouse and, well, he got a great deal. Then the other stuff came from Jim, Al, even Ecklie, he gave you his old computer."

"What did you get me?" He asks curiously.

"Well, I got you the framed butterflies, a lot of the books, stuff like that. Little things that I knew you'd like." She says with a smile.

He smiles back. "Now for the important part. What street am I on?"

She smiles. "Well, you really aren't that far from where you last lived actually. Just a couple of streets up and I think, a block over."

"Really. That close?" He says with a frown.

"Yeah. We didn't want you to get to confused on where to drive to get home, especially after a tough case. You know, end up on the wrong side of town because you didn't go the right way or something." She says warily.

He looks around the bedroom again. "Okay. That sounds, tolerable."

"Tolerable? Are you okay with living this close to your last"

"I'm fine with it. I mean, it does make since to have it close, you know. I, I'll get use to it. Pretty soon I won't even realize it. Just, come and go." He gives her a weak smile. "Ready to get back to my surprise home party."

"It's a welcome home party."

"Whatever."

After everyone is gone he looks around the townhouse. It's a different layout then his previous one. The living room is where the kitchen was and vise versa. The hall is at the other end of the of the house and this townhouse has an upstairs that only has two rooms, one is his office the other is a bathroom off of it.

He walks into the kitchen and puts on a pot of coffee. He smiles at the package of Hawaiian coffee from Greg. He then walks into the living room and looks around at the unoccupied seats. He lets out a sigh and falls onto the couch and puts his feet up on the table.

__

I can't believe I'm actually feeling…alone. I should be happy about this. I get my privacy back.

He rests his head against the back of the couch.

__

This doesn't feel right. Why doesn't this feel right? I just need time I guess. Need to get familiar with this new room, new furniture, new life.

TBC…soon.


	35. The Return to Work

**A/N:** Thanks for the review again! Here's the final chapter, oh wow, I can't believe it's over already. But don't worry, I'm actually starting to write another story, which should be arriving soon within the next week or so, so be looking for it!

He wakes up to his cell phone ringing. He looks around and realizes that he's in his new bedroom. He'd been back for almost a week now. He immediately reaches over to the bedside table and grabs his cell phone and flips it on.

"Grissom." He says into the phone.

"Hey Gil. It's time for work, you ready?"

"Good morning to you too Catherine, is it Monday already?" He asks sleepily.

"Yep. Are you dressed and up yet?"

"No, not yet. I just woke up actually." He sits up on the side of the bed and looks over at the digital clock/calendar/CD player that Nick got him. Sure enough, it is Monday.

"I'm on my way to your place. I thought that we could stop off together and get something to eat first." She says.

"That'd be great. Um, I'll leave my front door unlocked okay, so just come on in when you get here. I'll be in the shower." He says as he gets up and walks to the front door and unlocks it. Then he turns around and heads back to his bedroom.

"Okay, I'll see you soon, bye."

He hangs up the phone and goes into his bedroom. He goes through the closet and smiles at all the newly bought clothes his friends had gotten him. _Well, at least they know what I wear and don't wear. _He picks out and outfit, black slacks, belt, and a dark blue button up shirt. _Good outfit to wear on the first day back._ He then notices a black long sleeve button up shirt hanging on the back of the door; it has ladybugs all over it. _Oh no, that must be from Sara._ He walks over to it and looks at it; he sees a note on the back of the left sleeve and reads it out loud, "From Sara", _Knew it._

He takes it off the door hook and turns it around then back to the front, inspecting it. _Well, it's not that bad of a shirt. _He places it back on the hook and smiles; _I'll wear it, later._

0000000000000000000000000

Grissom walks into the front doors of the lab and then stops. He looks around the place and takes in a deep breath. Catherine comes up beside him.

"You okay?" She asks him.

"Yeah, just…it seems like forever since I've been here, I mean, really here." He says as he looks over at her. "It's kind of…weird, I guess."

"Wow. I can't believe you called being at work weird." She says back at them.

They walk down the hall towards his office and he can't help but notice the people stopping and looking at him, some surprised while others look happy to see him back. They come to a stop in front of his office door. He opens it and walks into the room then he doesn't walk in. He just stands there looking at the empty room.

"When your office was blown up, everything was destroyed." Catherine says from behind him. "We tried to think of things to put in here while you were gone but we thought we'd leave that to you when you returned."

"Actually," he says, "I can't believe I still have an office." He turns and looks at Catherine with a smile on his face. "It's okay, I can start from over. I'll bring back my spider and roaches soon enough." He smirks.

"I can't wait." She says as she turns around, "I'll leave you to it. Shift starts in twenty minutes." She says as she walks down the hall towards the break room.

He walks into the office, shutting the door behind him, and he leans against it. He looks the bare room over and sighs. He pushes himself off of the door and walks around his desk and sits down. He places his elbows on the desk, to hold his arms up, and he leans his head down into his arms, wrapping his heads around his neck. _This is going to take some time to get used to. _

The knock on the door snaps him out of his thoughts. He looks up to find Catherine peeking around the door.

"It's time to issue the assignments." She says.

"Alright, I'm coming." He stands up and walks out the door. Catherine hands over the slips.

"You ready for this?" She asks him as they walk to the break room.

"Stop worrying Catherine, okay. I'm doing great." He looks over at her, "If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here."

They walk into the break room together and he immediately looks around the room at the CSI's, everyone's there, even Jim, who comes up to him and pats him on the shoulder.

"Welcome back Gil." Jim says.

"Thanks Jim. It's good to be back."

"Well, I'll go now. Leave you science geeks to your work. See you later." He says to them all with a smile.

"Yes," Grissom says as he turns back to facing the group. "Let us science geeks get to work. Nick, you got a B&E, take Greg with you. Warrick and Catherine, you guys got a robbery gone terribly wrong; two dead, customer and robber. Sara, you're with me, DB found out in Death Valley National Park. Okay, let's get to it." He looks up at the room at the smiles on everyone's face. "Why are you guys still here? These cases won't solve themselves." He says to them.

Everyone looks at each other then in unison they say, "He's back."

On their way out they all pass him and give him a grin or a pat on the back. Sara comes up to him.

"So, who's driving?" She says.

"You are. I need time to think the case over."

"Wow." She says.

"What?" He asks her as they walk down the hall together.

"You are back." She says smiling over at him.

"Yes, I am, but, not the same." He says.

"Oh?" She says questioning.

"I was thinking that I need to be more…social." He says looking over at her. "I was contemplating the idea of having the team over to my place at least once a week for breakfast."

"That'd be a great idea. Just, don't put any bugs on anything."

"Deal." He says.

"Hey Grissom?" She asks him as they exit the building.

"Yeah?" He says as he gets into the SUV.

"Why the sudden change?" She says as she gets in.

He turns and looks at her. "I think I'm finally tired of being alone."

The End….I hope so anyway.

P.S. I had no idea with whom to hook Grissom up with, and with this story, it can be either Sara or Catherine. So, if you're a Sara/Gil shipper, they finally get together, or if you're a Catherine/Gil shipper, they hook up…I don't really care, just as long as he's with someone. :)


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